Kotas Reviews Dark Chocolate Oreos

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Who knew that a day in remembrance of a Catholic priest who ministered to Christians when it was illegal, and was beheaded for it, would turn into one of the biggest days of the year for confectioners everywhere, eh? Think about that while you gnaw your chalk-like hearts today. Still, today we review something only vaguely related to the holiday at hand: Dark Chocolate Oreos!

FUUUUUCK YES.

I love dark chocolate. Even the waxy bullcrap that Hershey's dares refer to as dark chocolate, I even love that. So you have to understand that the VERY MOMENT I saw these, I HAD to have them. My hype was real and I had a mighty need to shove these in my face as fast as a man can. But, we must exercise some restraint here. The packaging is as basic as it gets. It's an Oreo. It has purportedly dark chocolate filling. What else is there to say? RIP IT OPEN, I'M GOIN' IN!

The stegosaurus plate adds just the right touch of dignity.

Yup, that's dark chocolate. It is noticeably darker than regular old chocolate Oreos, which is nice. Fails horribly at the twist off test, but I suppose it matters less when the cookie and the filling are the same color. beat OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM....

FUCK YES these are amazing. I have always been of the opinion that nothing could really top the original Oreo as my all time favorite, but you know what? These are legitimately the single BEST Oreo Nabisco has put out. The chocolate flavor is fucking spot on with that nice little bit of bitter and cocoa, but enough sweetness to make it the perfect chocolate cookie in the mouth. Holy Shit These Cookies! If it weren't for the fact that other people wanted to eat them, I would have hugged the package to my chest, growled at anyone who came near, and messily devoured the whole package. 

On the FACE Rating System, these get 4 Smiley Faces. Yes, they are that damn good. The only better cookies I've had in the chocolate category have been homemade ones (and those are way nicer than these), but for store bought? GIMME GIMME GIMME COOKIES!

Kotas Reviews Pistachio Oreo Thins

Ah Fall, the greatest and best of all the seasons. Not so hot as to melt the brain, but not so cold as to freeze it either. Jacket and sweater weather is the best weather, as far as I'm concerned. Too bad that, much like Spring, we only get 2 or 3 weeks of actual Fall before Winter starts to settle in. Oh well! Let's eat some Oreos. Ladies and Gentlemen, today we look at Pistachio Oreo Thins.

Not sure what this has to do with Fall, but here we are.

My father loves pistachios. One of our minor traditions for years was for one of his Christmas present to be a huge jar of them that he would eat on for most of the winter. Once I overcame my own disdain for "nuts" in general, I also grew to enjoy pistachios as probably my favorite nut after macadamia. Seriously, I will waste a bowl of these things in an afternoon if I don't pay attention. However, I've never been one to have them in sweet things. Pistachio ice cream is "okay", but it isn't something I generally seek out. So when I saw these in the grocery store, I thought "Eh, what the hell. I haven't seen a new Oreo flavor in a while". The packaging is actually fairly pedestrian. Oreos with green filling, a sad couple of pistachios. Very meh. Let's tear it open.

Is anyone surprised?

Yep, precisely what I expected. Chocolate cookie, green creme filling, all business. They smell excellent though, just like cookies from an Italian bakery in Brooklyn. How do they taste though? Like someone turned Italian cookies into a creme filling, colored in green, and put it between two thin Oreos that's what. These are the best damn amaretto cookies I've ever tasted. Not so much pistachio, though I suppose they have a hint of it, but they are fuckin' delicious nonetheless. Om nom nom nom nom nom nom aw the bag is empty.

On the FACE Rating System, these get 3 Smiley Faces. If you like amaretto, go get 'em right the fuck now. If you don't, well, avoid them at all cost. If you wanted pistachio flavor, uh...go somewhere else. So they fail in that regard, but GIMME GIMME GIMME!

Kotas Reviews Good Humor Strawberry Shortcake Oreos

Well, it's that time of year again, when everyone is hot, sweaty, and hell bent on exploding stuff. The perfect kind of weather for the ice cream truck to come around! Sadly, ice cream trucks in my area are only drawn to large concentrations of children, and not the free roaming treat deliverers I once thought they were. Also, they were some of the first "food trucks" just for anyone keeping track of trends. The upshot of all of this is that there are precious few ice cream trucks in my neighborhood. Luckily (maybe) Nabisco has come to the rescue. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's crack on to Good Humor Strawberry Shortcake Oreos.

Just like I remember it! NEON PINK!

As a child I was quite the devourer of Good Humor, mostly because my grade school stocked it in their (surprising indicative of the future of school food service) pay as you buy lunch line. I mostly stuck to the chocolate eclair edition, but occasionally they would run out and I'd be left with the strawberry shortcake version. My childhood remembers it as tasting like frozen strawberry Quik and some vaguely cake-ish flavors. Well, now it's available in cookie form, I suppose. 

The packaging is exactly what I've come to expect from Nabisco in this regard. Prominent display of the affiliated logo, but not to the exclusion of the primary one. We know who is in charge. A picture of the mimicked product (in this case lifted directly from Good Humor's marketing collection), and the Oreo itself, in all its glory. Helpfully, they point out that there are "strawberry flavored bits" in the cookie itself. Let's rip it open and see how that works out.

Behold all this majesty.

Definitely a cookie this one. The smell is that nauseating sweetness of raw strawberry Quik powder, mixed with a hint of More Different Strawberry and vanilla. Man does this reek of fake strawberry, to the point of overkill. Anyway, it looks like I expected, and you can totally see the strawberry bits in the cookie, which is kind of impressive. The creme inside is bright pink, though not quite as pink as the Peep Oreos, thank goodness. Let's eat!

Well, they aren't terrible, but they are super duper sweet. There is a very strong artificial strawberry taste, which overwhelms any other flavor that might have been there. I guess there is a little bit of the vanilla, but not much, and the cookie does little to hold back the pink tide of strawberry-ness that assails the tongue. It is, in fact, too sweet for me, which is both impressive and a little sad. It does not, however, taste much like the actual ice cream bar, because of the flavor imbalances. Still, I suppose it is definitely closer to the mark than not.

On the FACE Rating System, these get 0 Faces. I don't hate them, and they taste mostly good, but they are way too sweet for me to actually eat. I had a few, and the rest have languished on the counter, slowly being eaten by the rest of the family (though I'm sure my kid would happily eat the whole container if we let her. Like Father like Daughter). If you like super sweet strawberry things, these might be up your alley. They certainly are what they say they are, to the best that a cookie can be. Not a must try, but I wouldn't avoid them either.

Kotas Reviews Chocolate Hazelnut Oreos

Hola Amigos! Now that Winter is slowly (or not so slowly, amirite?) leaving us, time to get back to what we do best: Eat new flavors from Nabisco. I don't know about the rest of you, but Hazelnut and Chocolate are two flavors that pair extremely well together. From Ferrero Rocher to Nutella, people have been obsessing about this combination in "semi-fancy" treats for decades. Well, Nabisco just had to horn in on that action, eh? Of course it did. Ladies and gentlemen, let's take a gander at Chocolate Hazelnut Oreos.

Legally distinct from Nutella!
Image Source:http://www.brandeating.com/2018/01/oreo-welcomes-2018-with-chocolate-hazelnut-and-cinnamon-flavors.html

Honestly, I love the taste of chocolate hazelnut things and Nutella has always been my favorite way to ingest it. I dip fruit in it, smear it on cupcakes, or just plain bread and make a sandwich out of it. Mixes well with peanut butter too! It's damn tasty is what I'm saying. Naturally, I saw these Oreos and was all "Hot diggity dawg, I bet these are amazing!" Anycrap, the packaging is bog standard for limited edition Oreos at this point. Nothing outstanding, but nothing terrible either. I'm sort of surprised they went with the vanilla Oreo on this one, but I guess I kind of get it. Chocolate on chocolate might be a little overwhelming. Let's see how they look!

Yup, that's a chocolate looking Oreo all right.

Well, they smell very Chocolate Hazelnut, that's for sure. The vanilla from the cookie though is much more noticeable than I would have thought. So, how does it taste? Kind of disappointing. It's certainly chocolate hazelnut, but the vanilla in the cookie really mutes the flavor and makes it taste a lot less strongly that I would expect. It's good, but not nearly as good as I would have thought. I feel that the chocolate cookie, as counter intuitive as it might seem, would have been the better choice. The extra bit of bitterness from the chocolate cookie would enhance the hazelnut part instead of mostly drowning it out. The cream itself is a little less chocolatey than I would like as well, though if I mash two cookies together in some sort of Double-Stuf nightmare, that tasted about right. 

On the FACE Rating System, I give these 1 Smiley Face. Pretty good, but not quite as good as I would have hoped. Still, it's not bad, and I'd eat them again. If you don't like Hazelnut, these have nothing to offer you, and if you don't mind a strong vanilla overtone, these may be right up your alley. Grab some and see for yourself!

Kotas Reviews Hot and Spicy Cinnamon Oreos

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! A time when marketing moguls have convinced us all that there is exactly ONE day a year during which we can really show our love for a significant other, and the best way to express that love is with a stuffed bear emblazoned with a heart. Also with candy. Because always candy. So of course Nabisco is gonna try and horn in on that sweet sweet Valentine's money, right? Right! Today we're looking at Hot and Spicy Cinnamon Oreos.

Made with love...and pain.

Well, I'm pretty sure no one ever asked for this and yet, here it is. This Limited Edition wonder sports a jaunty heart theme, made up of Legally Distinct Cinnamon Candy From Red Hots, and a picture of the Oreo itself. Red is nature's warning color folks! Seriously though, it is a remarkably nice piece of packaging for conveying what kind of cookie you are getting yourself into. Let's tear it open and see what's inside.

You know you wanna. Come oooooooon.

Well, they certainly smell like cinnamon Oreos. There is no hint of trickery or tomfoolery with these. It just lays it out there, and you can take it or leave it as you wish. Would that all businesses were as upfront with their wares as Nabisco has been lately. But, ultimately, the truth is in the tasting. Let's eat!

Yup, this is exactly what I would expect if you took Red Hots, ground them into paste, mixed them with a little bit of Oreo filling, and put it in a cookie. A bit underwhelming really. I appreciate the fact that the cinnamon burn is muted, but the flavor itself is very meh. It's cinnamon yes, but 'nuthin' but cinnamon' just isn't that great a flavor to start with, and who would mix it with Chocolate of all things? Chocolate and Cinnamon generally do not go all that well together in my opinion, so this cookie is just a solution looking for a problem. For a Valentine's Day special, you sure are unloved Cinnamon Oreo. 

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 1 Frownie Face. It certainly is exactly what it says on the tin, er package, but what it is just isn't very good. It's not bad, it's just something I never wanted. The fact that I've now tried it only affirms my original conclusion of "no one would want that". If you really like Red Hots, maybe this might be for you. But really, outside of that very particular fetish, stay away. Go find a bear to hug.

Kotas Reviews Hot Cocoa Oreos

Happy Holidays everyone! This is a magnificent time of the year for me, because so many new Holiday themed stuff comes out! Now, most of this is food, because food is super convenient for me to experience and review, but I occasionally sneak in something else. Not today though, today we return to my bread and butter, or should I say cookie and filling? That's right! It's another Oreo review. Ladies and gentlemen, today we look at Hot Cocoa Oreos!

Clever girl...

So, hot cocoa eh? This is not the first time that Nabisco has seen fit to grace us with a drink themed flavor, but this one certainly seems to fit the profile of the cookie better. I mean, come on, look at that logo! Replacing the "o"s with marshmallows? Brilliant! Still, does the taste hold up to the glory of the packaging? Only one way to find out!

*Bum bum ba Duuum, boooooooooown*

Well, it smells...mostly like a chocolate Oreo. I suppose this is to be expected, but I don't want to be fooled again by a "special flavor cookie" that's just their regular cookie with shitty coloring. Anyway, these look like someone just opened up a Chocolate Oreo, a regular Oreo, and smushed them together. You know what? It tastes exactly like that too. It's not bad, and it IS different from something you can already buy, but much like Holiday Brew, this is just two flavors you already had combined into a somewhat convenient package. UNLIKE the Holiday Brew however, this costs considerably more to buy (same price as regular Oreos, much less in the package). And that, I think, is the kicker. If this was in a standard Oreo package, I'd be happier. They taste just fine, but I can either buy two packages of these, or buy one each of Regular and Chocolate Oreos, smush them together myself (with more creme no less!) and pay THE SAME PRICE. The flavor is fine though.

On the whole, this gets Zero Faces. The flavor is pretty good, and the themed artwork is nice, but the premium you pay for something you can basically do yourself is not a great value. Holiday Brew is the same price as regular Mtn. Dew, and yes, that DOES matter when it comes to limited edition things. If you can't bring me something unique, then don't charge me a premium. The cookies do taste fine though, so if you MUST have them, no one will be hatin'. Judging maybe, but not hatin'.

Kotas Reviews Mystery Oreos

October is one of my favorite months ever. Oktoberfest beer is still widely available. The weather goes from "sweet lord I'm hot" to "a lovely chill breeze". My lawn stops growing and thus no mowing. And Halloween is at the end of the month. I LOVE Halloween. Costumes, spooky stories, horror movies, and a very Addams Family aesthetic permeate the local area. Plus, the holiday is about candy extortion. So, naturally, I'd want to have some sort of mystery to solve right? Of course! So, let's take a look at Mystery Oreos.

BEHOLD THE MYSTERY!

Well, I do sort of love the packaging. It's got the traditional "oddity" swirl decoration, with a big old regular Oreo in the middle...but what sort of creme is it??? Only the foodgineers at Nabisco know what they are going for. The fact that I can theoretically win $50,000 for guessing correctly is also the cherry on the mystery sundae here. Let's crack it open.

Mysteeeeeeeerious!

Holy crap. These things smell like concentrated Froot Loops. They look, however, just like ordinary Double Stuf Oreos, which, I suppose, is the point. Still, the cookie is clearly going to be chocolate, so the creme must be flavored with something that at least doesn't clash too much with that. Oh goodness it smells artificial. Let's eat!

Well, I don't know what the hell these things are supposed to be, but the sure taste citrusy to me! They do retain that Froot Loop-ish flavor, but I think what they are actually aiming for is Italian Ice, Lime Flavor. It's not sour enough to be lemon flavor (and tastes very different from their Lemon Oreos), and it's different from their Lime flavor, certainly, but it isn't very "Orange", and since those are the three main citrus products, I don't have a lot more choices. At first I thought it was close to Orange Creamsicle, but it's got a bit too much "zing" and not enough "cream" for that to be true. It's pretty good though, since I keep eating them. It is very mysterious!

On the FACE Rating System, these get 1 Smiley Face. Certainly worth trying, but I doubt I'll buy more than this one package. I'm not sure what the flavor is, but I made my bet on Lime Italian Ice. To all who enter the contest, I wish you luck! Weird, yet effective, marketing this is.

Kotas Reviews Cookie Butter Oreos

Every so often I just have to wonder at a product. Some products are just so baffling that they make me ponder if we as a species have any idea what the hell we are doing. Still, life without variety isn't worth living, am I right? Perhaps! So let's take a look at today's experiment: Cookie Butter Oreos.

Oooookaaaay?

Cookie butter is a food spread made from crushed cookies, generally of the Speculoos style, mixed with fat, butter, and other nummy bits. I've seen it a few time in the store, but never felt compelled to try any. I mean, I guess it's like apple butter, but with cookies? Maybe it's good on toast? I have no idea what to do with this, though I guess you could make some sort of cookie ball thing with it. 

Well, this is at least a step up from the "Cookies and Cream" flavor fiasco but I still am a little confused by these. You are making a cookie that has the flavor of pulverized cookies? Uh, sure? Anyway, the package is exactly what you would expect from these, though it helpfully points out these are Graham Oreos and not your standard vanilla. I like the incorporation of "Limited Edition" as a stamp into the "cookie" in the Cookie Butter. Nice work, unnamed intern! Let's rip it open.

Tan in the place where you are, now look left...

These smell exactly like Biscoff cookies, which makes sense as those are the only brand of speculoos cookie I am aware of. The taste? The taste is like...a Biscoff cookie, but in paste form, with a touch of graham flavor. It tastes pretty decent really, but I am just left wondering WHY? So, cookie butter is made from ground up cookies, which you then took and made back INTO a cookie. Perhaps you could have, I don't know, saved a step and just never ground up the cookie? I suppose that doesn't really fit the Oreo "theme" but this probably didn't need to exist. Still, doesn't taste bad.

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 0 Faces. I think they taste alright, but you can get that same taste from other cookies without needing to go through this...process. I am mostly just left confused. If you use Cookie Butter to make, say, a cake, that makes sense, as you are transforming the cookies into Cake format and thus the grinding may make it work better. But...these are just making a cookie from cookie butter. Which is like making a cow out of ground beef. Sure, it resembles a cow, but you were better off just leaving the poor thing alone.

Kotas Reviews Hydrox Cookies

Legacy is an important thing for a lot of folk. Most people want to be remembered fondly when they are gone, either by millions of others, or even just a few family. What we do in the present is how we will be viewed in the future, and we hope that view is a good one. Some products reach this level of cult status: Coca-Cola with cane sugar, the Encharito (for reasons no one can explain to me) and even a limited time promotional dipping sauce. Even more legendary are products that everyone thinks are rip offs, but actually came first. Today, we look at one of those, the humble Hydrox Cookie.

Further adding to our Peak Nostalgia crisis.

I think it is pretty obvious by now that I fucking love Oreos. When I was growing up, I always saw Hydrox as Just Another Shitty Generic version of my beloved Oreos, that could never possibly be as good. I never got a chance to put that to the test, as my parents never purchased them, and by the time I was old enough to buy them myself, why would I bother with what I considered to be an inferior product? So, what the hell is a Hydrox anyway?

According to one of my favorite websites, the Hydrox cookie was originally brought to market in 1908 by the Sunshine Biscuits company, 4 years before the introduction of Oreo. The trend in marketing at the time was "purity", so the creators tried to come up with a name that would inspire thoughts of purity. Turns out apparently "purity" equals "hydrogen and oxygen". So, these are really Water Cookies! Isn't that special? These cookies have a small cult following that is as obsessive about their perceived superiority to the Hydrox to the Oreo. This led to Leaf Brands not only taking over the trademark from Kellogg, but going to great lengths to get the original recipe and in 2015, restart production. And here we are.

Let's see what we've got here.

Well, that was anticlimactic.

I can tell you this, the scent is a much richer Chocolate than that of Oreos. The vanilla creme is incredibly sticky, so the "twist off test" is a miserable failure. The creme itself is incredibly sweet, almost painfully sweet and not very vanilla, which makes sense given the chocolate of the cookie is SUPER strong. Oddly, the marketing claims the creme is LESS sweet, which I find hard to believe. Together they taste fairly decent, but the cookie is very durable on top of its intense flavor, which makes these kind of hard to actually eat. You'll put in some work to munch these suckers down. It is hard to describe these in reference to Oreos, but the word "Unrefined" is what I would use. It is a stronger, more intense flavoring, but the cookie is incredibly crunchy and the creme is very sticky and their flavors do not blend together smoothly. These are pretty good cookies, but they are basically a "decent generic" rather than a unique and special flavor all their own. Special shout out though to those who love to dip their Oreos in milk. These bastards will soak it all up and come out swinging with a nice crunch. In fact, I will declare that these are the superior dunking cookie. The milk softens the cookie (and adds some needed mitigation of the intense chocolate flavor), but because the cookie starts off so tough, you still get a nice satisfying crunch when you eat it.

On the FACE Rating System, these get 1 Smiley Face. They are tasty, but only in so far as they are "pretty good if you don't have Oreos". I am sure there are those out there that find these to be the superior cookie, but this is not the cookie for me and my delicate palate. They cost the same as Oreos, so slotting them in for a try shouldn't be too difficult. Maybe you will find your new favorite cookie, especially if you only eat them with milk. I'll stick to my usurper cookies, thank you very much.

Kotas Reviews Fireworks Oreos

Summer is upon us. The glorious, if rain-filled, temperate climate of Spring is rapidly giving way to the oppressive face melting heat of summer, driving all but the most resilient of outdoors folk back inside as God intended. Before we all have to baste in our own gravy when we step outside though, we get to enjoy at least one more weekend of decent weather, and with it, a holiday. That holiday is Memorial Day, and what better way to celebrate than with Pop Rocks. In Cookies. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's pop into Fireworks Oreos.

Gandalf never thought of THIS, now did he? So many dead hobbits if he did though.

First, a shout out to [REDACTED], who sent these all the way from the fabled bee pastures of...well, around his house I guess. I salute you [REDACTED]! Anyway, I really would have expected these to come out closer to July, what with that giant firework using holiday that shows up then for us United Statesians. Still, we do love to blow stuff up, and fireworks are associated with summer. The packaging is quite distinct with a solid patriotic vibe to it, and lots of red and white starburst firework graphics that go well with the traditional Oreo blue. There's even a giant star that lets us know that within there is "Popping Candy". What the hell, Nabisco, couldn't shell out money to Pop Rocks Inc. for the cross promotion? I mean, I get it. One does not often think of Pop Rocks and Oreos as "pairing well", but shit, ya done shelled out for PEEPS of all things, so, what's up with that? Let's tear it open!

BOOM BABY YEAH!

Well, that was slightly underwhelming. I guess I shouldn't have expected any sort of explosion upon opening the package but a part of me hoped for it, you know? Ah well, the cookies themselves look and smell like Oreos, though the creme itself is full of colorful candy bits. The taste is almost exactly what you would expect. Oreo, but with Pop Rocks, er, "popping candy" shoved into it. You can probably get a similar effect by eating an Oreo and some Pop Rocks at the same time. Licking the creme itself produced a much more active set of pops from the candy, presumably because the saliva/candy interaction area wasn't blocked by as much cookie. Overall, these taste pretty good. I mean, Oreos are delicious and the Pop Rocks add some novelty without really detracting from the experience, except for a bit more crunch. It was even relatively decent in milk, though the popping sensation was weird.

On the FACE Rating System, these get 1 Smiley Face. They are good as a seasonal thing, and the execution is exactly what you would expect, along with it actually being pretty tasty, so two thumbs up on that front. I would say these would go great for a backyard cookout or patriotic celebration, but they aren't really and every day kind of thing unless you are some sort of Pop Rock fanatic. Pick some up for the novelty, but pass me the regular Oreos on most days.

Kotas Reviews Swedish Fish Oreos

There comes a time in every reviewer's life when they reach a pinnacle of accomplishment or experience. Once they've reviewed something that epitomizes what their whole reviewing career has been leading up to, one of two things will happen. They will sometimes quit reviewing, moving on to other tasks, since at this point, what more could they possibly do? Or they will be reinvigorated and seek ever higher peaks of their craft. Which one will this one be, I wonder? Ladies, Gentlemen, Children of All Ages, today we review...Swedish Fish Oreos!

This is my unicorn folks. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

Look at it. LOOK AT IT. My goodness isn't it just MAGNIFICENT? This may very well be the Holy Grail of Weird Food Reviews, and it's not even a clever PhotoShop job. Who would have ever guessed THIS would be a thing? It's the kind of idea a 7 year old has at Halloween when they get Oreos and Swedish Fish and OF COURSE it's a great idea to eat both of them together. And some executive at Nabsico approved it. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I love me some Swedish Fish. These little gummy morsels that look remarkably fish like have a delicious unique flavor that I mostly describe as red. They taste like red. They are classified as a wine gum candy, similar to gumdrops without the sugar coating. Chewy, slightly chemically, and oh so nomable, they are one of the few candies I enjoy any time of day. They also have a label molded right on them, in case you forgot the nationality of the candy you were greedily devouring. 

Anyway, Swedish Fish are a product of the Swedish (natch) candy maker Malaco, and are mostly sold as a pick n' mix bulk candy there. They also have different flavors elsewhere in the world, but I haven't yet seen anything other than red in the United States. The flavor is unknown, though the speculation says it might be lingonberry. Anyway, I love the things, but I am really unsure how well they match with the almost opposing flavor of the Oreo. The packaging is spot on with both the Swedish Fish and Oreo logos sharing space above a full on Swedish fish and its namesake Oreo. Let's eat.

The very essence of magnificence.

Well damn if they don't smell like Swedish Fish and Oreos being in the same bag. In fact, the odor is so powerful that other sweets pick it up if they stay in an enclosed area. I put one of these in a plastic baggie overnight along with some sugar cookies my daughter helped make, and the whole lot of them tasted vaguely of Swedish Fish afterwards. They got the smell right, is what I'm saying. The creme is almost a perfect match on the shade of red of a Swedish Fish, but it fails every twist off test I put it to, including the one shown above. 

It was with some trepidation that I started eating these. Would they be like peanut butter and chocolate, and meld together in delicious harmony? Or would it be more like peanut butter and olive oil, delicious apart but yakktacular together. Well, I can safely tell you, they are edible. They taste EXACTLY like eating an Oreo at the exact same time as a Swedish Fish. However, I don't think this is necessarily a GOOD thing that it is Exactly What It Says On The Tin. The flavors do not mix together at all, with the chemical fruitiness of the Swedish Fish clashing tremendously with the creamy chocolate flavors present in your typical Oreo. It's just so odd tasting. It's not bad exactly, in that I didn't spit it out, and I did finish the package (and bought a second one to inflict share with some friends), but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't buy them just to eat, but they do at least hold one characteristic shared by both their parents: They are weirdly addictive for reasons I can't explain or understand. 

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 0 Faces. Nabisco knocked it out of the park in achieving exactly what they set out to do, but the actual product that emerged from this unholy alliance of Swedish Fish and Oreos is just off putting and strange. I would however probably eat a package of them if you gave them to me, and may even feel compelled to eat them. It's like I'm trying to puzzle out how they accomplished this feat of bakegineering by simply eating MORE of it. Give it a whirl if you like Swedish Fish AND Oreos, but people who do NOT like Swedish Fish will absolutely hate these. Oh, and don't put it in milk. Yakktacular indeed.

Kotas Reviews Filled Cupcake Oreos

You know Nabisco, I actually appreciate your current willingness to experiment. It led to a marvelous conversion of a beloved bakery treat into a delicious cookie that stands on its own, while still recognizing the flavor from whence it came. So it is understandable that you might try to catch lightning in a bottle a second time. I would have even settled for lightning bugs in a bottle. Instead, we have...well, we'll get it to it. Ladies, Gentleman, let's get a good long look at Filled Cupcake Oreos.

This was the best idea they had.

It's probably just my inner Wade Wilson talking, but the first time I saw this package I laughed out loud and started making terrible jokes. Get ready to twist and lick the white creme filling, right out of that circle of chocolate! I mean, COME ON. FILLED CUPCAKE IS NOT A FLAVOR ANYWAY! For fuck's sake, Nabisco, I get that you are going for an iconic sweet here, but let me break it down: Cupcake is an iconic sweet. Filled Cupcake is a description of an iconic Brand of Cupcakes, not a flavor in and of itself. I swear it looks like someone broke into the Chocolate Oreo facility and got waaaaaay to friendly with the production line. At least it is also in the easy access (HUR HUR HUR) package. Let's gently, delicately lay it bare.

Avert your eyes, children!

God the smell. It hits you in the face with a heavy burden of a scent I can only describe as "chemical" and it immediately put me on my back foot. Still, I must soldier on. FOR SCIENCE! These cookies passed the twist off test with flying colors and lo and behold, it is exactly as it was depicted on the package. A splortch of white gooeiness right smack dab in the middle of a chocolate filling. I just...I mean, what other comparison can I make that you, my loyal audience, have not already made? LOOK AT IT! Gaze upon it's sinful excess and be mystified at its very being. 

The licking of inner creme held no delights, only horror. It is the prime source of the chemical scent and it tastes like it. Imagine spraying your tongue with Scrubbing Bubbles mixed with sugar and that is the flavor you get. It is awful. The rest of the cookie is, well, standard chocolate Oreo, and eaten as a whole it does a good job of mitigating the terror of the inner creme, which surprised me. It's still very chemical in taste, but the two cremes manage to wrangle a chocolate and filling flavor that is almost but not quite unlike a Hostess Cupcake, which I imagine was the inspiration for this...thing.

Hostess Cupcakes are, in fact, sort of fake tasting. One can easily imagine them being prepared not by baking, but by mixing several chemicals into a bowl and having the cupcake spring forth wholly formed. However, the chemical hints are just that...hints, and they certainly aren't the focus of the snack. This takes all the wrong aspects and translates them into cookie format, and it forgets the most important one: Cupcake flavoring. This is just...not very good at all.

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 1 frowny face. The inner creme is vile, and would get 3 frowny faces on its own, but with the rest of the cookie, it is not nearly as bad. It's still bad though, and only the truly dedicated Oreo fan should even consider trying these, if only for the experience. Everyone else? Stay the hell away. Get your jollies elsewhere, cookie lovers! Though, upon reflection, I suppose you already have.

Kotas Reviews Cinnamon Bun Oreos

My love of doughnuts is a constant topic of this blog, but I adore many varieties of pastry, and in fact my most beloved might be the cinnamon roll. The combination of delicious dough, sweet cinnamon filling, and of course a lovely vanilla glaze is one of my all time most craved desserts. So of course I had to review these. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, Cinnamon Bun Oreos.

The Glorious Excess of It All!

The difference between a cinnamon bun and a cinnamon roll is probably profound, but modern cookery has rendered them one and the same, so I won't nitpick. Besides, I never could figure it out in the first place. I'll hand it to Oreo this go around. They do seem to be branching out into the specialty cookie to compliment their string of specialty cremes. Look at that appetizing packaging, proudly proclaiming that we will find within a Cinnamon cookie, and not just an ordinary vanilla Oreo. Such wonders await within! Also noted is the return of the easy open packaging, which I very much appreciate. Let's tear into it.

Surprising absolutely no one.

The scent is definitely cinnamon pastry-ish, though it is less cinnamon-y than I would have expected. The cookie looks sort of like a vanilla Oreo, but with flecks of brown advertising the presence of cinnamon. Other then that, it pretty much resembles a vanilla Oreo. I found them to be difficult to twist off cleanly, but that is the most minor of complaints. How do they taste?

Pretty dang good, actually. The cinnamon cookie part has a good cinnamon flavor without being overwhelming, while the vanilla creme takes more cues from vanilla glaze than from Oreo's traditional vanilla creme and compliments the cookie well. The creme by itself is a little too sweet though, so enjoy this one as a package deal. I personally would have wanted more cinnamon flavor in the cookie, but this is still good. Huh, it's like Nabisco faithfully adapted a flavor into cookie format rather than simply trying to shove a flavor into the middle of an Oreo! Very thoughtful!

On the FACE Rating System, these get a solid 2 smiley faces. I'd buy them again, if I had a hankering for cinnamon buns and yet also wanted cookies, and I would happily eat them in a social setting. Oreo and cinnamon roll fans alike should try them out.

Kotas Reviews Gingerbread Oreos

I think we have reached Peak Flavor Differentiation. Almost anything and everything imaginable is being flavored like something else. Reuben flavored potato chips. Sriracha Mango Yogurt. The Twizzlers that Should Not Be. And still, more and more flavors are being produced, but they seem...I don't know, lackluster? Anyway, let's look at some holiday Oreos from last year.

Oh boy. LIGHT BROWN. How appealing.

Oreos, I wish I could quit you, but I can't. I don't know why I keep coming back to you, but hey, there it is. This was the last of their holiday efforts for 2015, and well, gingerbread is not exactly the flavor I would have chosen for an Oreo. Most gingerbread has nothing resembling creme filling, and besides we already have a perfectly fine ginger flavored cookie in the ever present snap. Still, gingerbread men are a traditional holiday treat (and occasional breakout movie sidekick), so hey, why NOT gingerbread? The packaging is cheerful, at least. Let's crack this sucker open, even though it continues the current Oreo trend of not having the "easy open" panel that their regular line of cookies has. WHY DO YOU FORSAKE US NABISCO?

Well, we have tan and light brown. Such variation!

Well, the smell is certainly ginger-ish, though much closer to a gingersnap than gingerbread. There is a chemical sharpness to the scent that is slightly off putting. The look is...well, brown. It's just not very appetizing because the brown isn't the warm comforting brown of fresh gingerbread, but the sickly, inconsistently colored brown of dried tree sap. The vanilla cookie is fine, but also an odd choice. I guess because vanilla icing is often used on gingerbread? Am I just a gingerbread purist in that I like it without icing? Does anyone care? 

The flavor is once again much, MUCH closer to a ginger snap than gingerbread, only without the zing of a good ginger snap. This is more like...cheap off brand gingersnap flavored frosting. The cookie helps dull the "fake flavorness" of the creme, but it doesn't really improve the flavor otherwise, nor does it accent or compliment the flavor. It is just there. Did you guys let the intern design this cookie? I mean, it seems like a sort of slap dash cookie. "Hey, this is more like a ginger snap than gingerbread...and why vanilla cookie anyway?" "Close enough and custom cookies are expensive. SHIP IT."

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 0 faces. This is a rather pedestrian effort than in almost all ways misses its mark, but not by a huge margin. They aren't terrible, but there is really no reason to get these unless you are a flavor completionist (SHUT UP IT IS A REAL THING) and simply MUST try them. If you have a hankering for a ginger cookie, either go make real gingerbread cookies, or have a ginger snap. 

Kotas Reviews Peppermint Oreos

I absolutely love this time of year. You know that scene in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation with the lights? That isn't comedy, that's a GOAL, son! It's the time of year to jingle your bells, stuff your stocking and deck those halls up good! You know, that sounded less dirty before I typed it all up. Anyway, today we (of COURSE) look at one of TWO different holiday flavored Oreos out this year: Peppermint Oreos! Man there are a lot of Oreos these days.

Truth in advertising.

That right there is the essence of a seasonal flavor. No cutesy artwork, no hiding the actual product on the package, just Peppermint Oreos and a picture of Peppermints, in case you forgot what they looked like. Like all Limited Edition Oreos, this comes in a smaller container than regular Oreos, but costs the exact same. Hrm. Maybe that's how you know you've "made it" as a flavor. They put you in the big package. Lookin' at you Lemon Oreos! 

I am a little miffed about their choice to remove the "easy open seal" thing from the packages of limited edition cookies. It was just so convenient! Also, looking back it seems the weight of the limited edition packages has gone down a couple of ounces in the past year. Maybe it cost too much? What's that Nabisco? You needed to squeeze every possible cent out of these things to make your Quarterly Numbers? Augh, screwed again by Big Cookie. And at Christmas Time! Now, where was I?

Oh, right., the cookies. I made a mutant snowman picture with them!

The scent on these is exactly what I thought a peppermint Oreo should smell like: Oreo cookie, and peppermint. I know you are all bewildered by that staggeringly astute observation, but hey, I'm a simple man with simple needs and desires. I'll tell you this: The cookie part makes this work. Without it, the creme by itself is vaguely toothpaste-ish and kind of off putting, but with the cookie to offset that, it tastes like a minty chocolate cookie. Pretty tasty, really! I think this may work better in the Thin configuration, since there would be less creme to interfere with the cookie crunch. I think they would go splendidly with hot chocolate by the fire, though they aren't really so good with milk, probably because of the whole toothpaste comparison. Also because mint and milk are not flavors that should ever really be together.

On the FACE Rating System, these get 2 smiley faces. A simple, straightforward, snack sensation succinctly summarizing seasonal...uh...well, it falls apart there, but you get the idea. I think these would be great at any holiday gathering, or simply snuggling with loved ones in front of the fireplace. I wouldn't want these every day though, so it is best if they remain an annual treat. I do think these could be confused with the Winter Oreos, which are just Oreos with red coloring and "winter" designs on the cookie. Put these side by side for some delightful Christmas Hilarity! 

Kotas Reviews Pumpkin Spice Creme Oreos

Fall is soundly upon us. Seriously, it hit us like a ton of damp leaves off of an oak. Or maybe I'm just projecting my experience to the universal. Anyway, pumpkin spice abounds in the world, with special signs pointing out the variety of gourd based concoctions bubbling forth from the cauldrons of the nation's food purveyors. Lucky for me, I rather like that particular flavor...most of the time. Let's see how Nabisco takes it on as we dive into Pumpkin Spice Creme Oreos!

Well, it had to happen sometime, didn't it?

Oreo flavors are now a staple of this blog, and who am I to shy away from a product that is clearly little more than a trend-following cash grab of a cookie, especially if it is an Oreo? Kotas, that's who. The package art is pretty simple. Pumpkin, check. Spice (in this case represented by cinnamon), check. Oreo (golden), check. Wickedly orange creme filling...check! This is pretty much what I expected to see from a Pumpkin Spice Oreo, and it works, though I do not particularly care for the idea that "spice" is wholly represented by cinnamon. What about nutmeg and clove, eh? Let's crack open these cookies and see what's what.

Uh...well, it's kind of orange.

 The smell is pretty fake smelling pumpkin with a hint of cinnamon and some other fall spice. The color though...I was expecting a brighter orange than "burnt umber" really. It's more of an orange-brown and is not particularly appetizing. Passes the twist off test with flying colors though, even if that color is "Jersey Boardwalk Spray Tan". 

The taste is much, MUCH better than I was expecting. In fact, it is about exactly what I would expect if I were eating a pumpkin pie flavored cookie. Sure, it's somewhat artificial, but that's to be expected when essence of pumpkin pie has to be crammed between two vanilla flavored wafers as a creme. Even without the cookie, the creme tastes pretty good, if a bit strong when not mellowed by the wafer's flavor and texture. Most surprising is that it's still good even with milk, the creaminess of the milk adding whipped cream like notes to the pumpkin pie flavorings. I'm sort of shocked at how good these are, really.

On the FACE Rating System, these get a solid 1 smiley face. I would not seek them out as a staple, but they certainly fill the role of "man, I want some pumpkin pie, but I'm not willing to cook one." and as an occasional holiday treat. If you are an Oreo fan or a not too discerning pumpkin pie fan, give them a whirl.

Kotas Reviews Brownie Batter Oreos

Alright Nabisco. I know we've had our spats in the past. But today I'm gonna give you another chance. Let's do something wonderful together. Or at least something hilariously amusing. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's take a peek at Brownie Batter Oreos.

Does anyone even USE a wooden spoon for mixing anymore?

I have never understood the obsession with cookie dough, cake batter, and other "non-cooked" sweets that people seem to go gaga over. Raw cookie dough, while tasty enough I suppose, has an awful gritty texture and a baked cookie is just so much yummier. Same with cake batter. Yes, it is very tasty...but a cake always tastes better and has a better mouth feel. These flavors, born of desperation, laziness, or impatience have worked their way into ice cream culture (See the proliferation of cookie dough and cake batter ice creams) for reasons I cannot explain.  With all that lead up, we come to the Brownie Batter Oreo. My predictions are that it is going to be chocolate flavored. Very, very chocolate flavored. Release the Cookies!

The only cookie where the filling absolutely matches the cookie in color.

Well they do smell like brownies. Very fudgey, very chocolatey brownies. Oh, and some Oreo in there too. Wow, that is a dark colored filling. I mean, if you could have a singularity encapsulated in cookie form, I imagine we would perceive it as something like this before we were all sucked into the oblivion past its event horizon. Or maybe not. Anycrap, let's taste this!

My stars, it's full of chocolate and grit. This is EXACTLY what I would expect a brownie batter cookie to taste like. Super thick chocolate flavor, completely overwhelming the taste buds. I imagine that in some way this is how Augustus Gloop felt when he was drowning: completely subsumed to the Chocolate. What a punch in the mouth this is. The texture is gritty, like all batter and dough sourced treats, which while not appealing, is at least true to the source material. Even milk does little to tame these cookies.

On the FACE Rating System, these get 1 smiley face. They do not taste bad, they just are a typhoon of chocolate in gritty, cookie format. Definitely worth trying for chocolate and Oreo fans, but you might need a sit down after consuming. DAT CHOCOLATE. Nabisco, I won't say you are fully redeemed in mine eyes, but after the last fiasco of Cookies and Cream Oreos, you are at least back to trying new and entertaining things. So, good on ya for that.

Kotas Reviews Cookies and Cream Oreos

Sometimes a product is released that is ridiculous in its conception and it comes out terrible. Sometimes you get something ridiculous that is pretty good.Then there are the products that say "What the hell were you thinking?" because they make absolutely no sense at all. Ladies and gentlemen, today we take a look at Cookies and Cream Oreos.

Yo dawg, I heard you like Oreos...

Cookies and Cream is one of my favorite flavor combinations. The very essence of Cookies and Cream is vanilla ice cream with crushed up Oreo cookies (or other chocolate sandwich cookies, I suppose) mixed in. Best enjoyed fresh made with soft serve, perhaps in the form of a winter storm, it has become a staple ice cream flavor up there with Rocky Road and Mint Chip. So I have to say "What the HELL Nabisco?" In the past, you haven't really involved ice cream flavors, so much as "flavors that are also used in ice cream" but really? This one takes the sundae. Did you even stop to think about the redundancy of this product? 

The package is standard Limited Edition Oreo packaging, with a picture of a nice serving of cookies and cream ice cream...that has an OREO IN IT. Is this some sort of joke? Are you THIS contemptuous of your audience that you thought we wouldn't notice? Eh, fuck it, let's open this up and take a look.

OREOCEPTION!

Well, you know what this looks like? A FUCKING OREO. With rejected creme filling, no less! Seriously folks, as I've noted before, grey is NOT an appetizing color. Sure, it kind of looks like "cookies and cream filling", but you know what that is? OREO CREME AND CHOCOLATE COOKIES! This is making a hamburger by grinding up ground beef. YOU STILL HAVE GROUND BEEF, JUST SLIGHTLY MORE GROUND. So, how does it taste? Can you guess? 

The taste is AN OREO. I know you all are as shocked as I am, but the flavor is the exact same flavor as a regular Oreo. Now, that flavor is a good flavor. One of my favorites even. But this is not a LIMITED EDITION flavor, when you've just put the same old flavor into a slightly worse looking package. Did you think we were idiots Nabsico? Apparently we are, because this bastard costs the same as a standard package of Oreos, but with 4 ounces LESS product. And I bought it, so help me I BOUGHT IT.

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 3 Frownie Faces. It is the height of laziness, arrogance, or both to just barf out a worse looking Oreo that tastes exactly like an Oreo and have the FUCKING GALL to charge a premium for the privilege. The actual taste is fine, it's just EXACTLY WHAT WE ALREADY HAD, in a smaller, shittier package that costs more. Ya done fucked it up Nabisco! I liked the Thins version because it was a fairly interesting texture change...but THIS...Ya done me wrong, Nabisco. That hurts. If you get a chance to taste these without buying them, they taste just fine. Oreo deliciousness. Just don't get suckered into actually paying for them, because there is nothing of value to be had.