Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Kotas Reviews Year End Recap, Top 5 and Bottom 5

Alright folks, it’s a brand new year and as we all know, this is a time for reflection. For us internet reviewers, it means a Top 10 List! Sadly, we here at Kotas Reviews Everything did not review quite enough things to get a Top 10 list and a Bottom 10 you are getting a Top 5 and a bottom 5!

Top 5 Things Kotas Reviewed

#5 - The Hobbit - Peter Jackson returns again with the first movie of his second trilogy set in Middle Earth. This is certainly the film of the book from the first set of movies, as they serious up the dwarves and make the reclamation of Erebor way more important. It’s still an excellent romp through the world of the films, and I quite enjoyed it.

#4 - The Dark Knight Rises - This movie is a fond farewell love letter to the entire Nolan Batman series. It was not quite the film everyone wanted, but I feel it was the film that it needed to be, and perhaps even the film we deserved. Is it a perfect movie? No. But it was a wonderful way to close the book on this series.

#3 - Asus Transformer Prime - Ah, tablet ownership. The longer I own this thing, the more uses I find for it. It’s about perfect as a traveling computer and is even useful ‘round the home if I want to have a recipe available from the Internet in my kitchen, or if I want to just play a game on the couch w/o firing up the Wii.

#2 - The Avengers - Hands down the finest superhero movie of the year for me. The Dark Knight comes very close, but I've always been a Marvel Fanboy from the start of my real comic reading career (during the early 90s, right before the speculator boom). It has its flaws of course (Hulk vs. Black Widow scene, I’m looking at you), but it hits all the right notes, gives all the heroes their moments, and is just straight up bad buy bashing FUN.

#1 - Cirque du Soleil’s “O” - I’ll be honest, I’m not much of an art aficionado. Oh, I can see something and go “I like this” or “I don’t like this”, but I always feel as if I’m missing the bigger picture. This remains true for “O”, but damnation if that show wasn't fucking amazing. The skill of the performers blew away anything I’d ever seen before, and the technology that surrounded the show was just awesome. This was the only 5 Smiley Faces rating all year, and it was totally deserved.

Bottom 5 Things Kotas Reviewed

#5 - Dark Shadows - I know I gave this film 1 Smiley when I first reviewed it, but it remains a terrible film, and the more I thought about it, the more I disliked it. A completely unlikable protagonist empty shallow characters, and so much pointless “It’s funny, because he’s old fashioned” jokes just annoy me. It did have solid atmosphere though, and I DID laugh. I’d rerate it at 0 Smileys if I had it to do over again.

#4 - Cadbury Screme Eggs - You’d think a candy as delicious as a Creme Egg couldn't make you sad, but here it is. The Screme Egg is the laziest theme candy I've ever had the privilege to review, and it disappointed me.

#3 - Michelob Ultra Light Cider - Never was there a drink that deserved the epithet “piss water” so much. It’s just so...non-flavored. You can smell a hint of apple, and taste a hint of...well, something that is not beer nor is it apples, but mostly it’s very, very faint and watery. Bleah.

#2 - Prometheus - What a huge fucking disappointment this was. I really enjoyed the first hour. It was slow paced. Brooding. Atmospheric. It has excellent acting. From the moment they step into the alien structure, it just starts falling apart. Slow at first, but the second you find out that two of their folks are “lost in the alien structure”, the whole movie careens headfirst down a cliff to its untimely demise.

#1 - Gnesa’s “Wilder” - Of all the things I’ve endured this year, this was positively the single worst thing ever. I have a high tolerance for media pain, just ask my long suffering wife why I own both Battlefield Earth and the Dungeons and Dragons movie, but this video is a travesty. All media in the world looks better to me for this having existed.

Well, there you have it. The Top and Bottom 5 Things Kotas Reviewed this year. It’s been a lot of fun ya’ll, and I think I’ll keep doing this. See you next time!