I apparently have some momentum going, because my last review was commented on quite a bit (er, for this blog anyway), so like any good content producer I'm making a sequel! A shameful, pandering sequel. Like any good sequel it has more of what worked last time, and it's faster! Welcome, to the Dual Oreo Review! Today we have two contrasting flavors of Oreo to look at: The very meta Cookie Dough Oreo, and the head-tiltingly strange Watermelon Oreo.
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| Made with "chocolatey chips". And nightmares. |
A few caveats. I'm honestly not a huge fan of Cookie Dough anything. Why eat it raw and unrefined when you can bake it and bring out the magical union of flour, sugar, and assorted mix-ins? I don't hate Cookie Dough flavored things, but I'm not predisposed to loving them either. Let's take a gander at these puppies outside of their otherwise unremarkable packaging. The fact that they couldn't call the chips "chocolate" chips, but instead "chocolatey" does not bode well.
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| Just screams "chocolatey", doesn't it? |
Well, the scent is vaguely "cookie dough"-ish, that is for sure. While light tan isn't the most appetizing of colors, it DOES look a lot like cookie dough, and it passed the twist off test with flying colors. The flavor is kinda like cookie dough, but reminds me more of a coffee and cream flavor than cookie dough. It's pretty good actually, though I don't know if I would eat this over regular Oreos. Dipped in milk though? Absolutely delicious, perhaps even better than a regular Oreo. The coffee notes shine through, and when paired with the mellower, creamier cookie parts...simply wonderful. But what of its partner in crime?
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| A match made in Never Again. |
Artificial Watermelon Flavor has to be on my top three Worst Childhood Flavors Ever. It's so sickeningly sweet that it hurts my teeth, and the weird Not Quite Watermelon overtones just enhance the yuck factor. But maybe that's just me, let's shimmy these pretties out of their container.
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| Very colorful. Did you know bright colors are nature's way of warding away predators? |
These smell almost exactly like Watermelon flavored Jolly Ranchers, with a bit of vanilla cookie mixed in because, well, cookies. They taste EXACTLY like Watermelon flavored Jolly Ranchers sandwiched between two vanilla cookies. You know, like awful. I absolutely HATE Watermelon flavored Jolly Ranchers. They are everything wrong with artificial watermelon flavoring cranked up to eleven and these brought back terrible memories of only ever getting that flavor at Halloween when I was a wee tot. Simply awful, that is what these cookies are. They even failed the twist off test! Still, if you are an individual who enjoys that sort of thing, these should appeal to you. HOWEVER...do NOT dip them in milk. I have never tasted such a vile flavor as Watermelon Jolly Rancher mixed with milk. I swear, if a Muppet pleasured itself directly onto a cookie, THIS is what that cookie would taste like. Absolutely wretched in every imaginable way. Only gin could wash away the taste-bud wrenching terror.
On the FACE Rating System, Cookie Dough Oreos get a solid 2 smiley faces. I don't think they can replace standard Oreos as a favorite, but they sure come close. Watermelon Oreos get an unprecedented 3 Frowny Faces, though I'm sure people who like Watermelon Jolly Ranchers will like them and should try them. Just keep them the hell away from me.
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