Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Kotas Reviews Fireworks Oreos

Summer is upon us. The glorious, if rain-filled, temperate climate of Spring is rapidly giving way to the oppressive face melting heat of summer, driving all but the most resilient of outdoors folk back inside as God intended. Before we all have to baste in our own gravy when we step outside though, we get to enjoy at least one more weekend of decent weather, and with it, a holiday. That holiday is Memorial Day, and what better way to celebrate than with Pop Rocks. In Cookies. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's pop into Fireworks Oreos.

Gandalf never thought of THIS, now did he? So many dead hobbits if he did though.
First, a shout out to [REDACTED], who sent these all the way from the fabled bee pastures of...well, around his house I guess. I salute you [REDACTED]! Anyway, I really would have expected these to come out closer to July, what with that giant firework using holiday that shows up then for us United Statesians. Still, we do love to blow stuff up, and fireworks are associated with summer. The packaging is quite distinct with a solid patriotic vibe to it, and lots of red and white starburst firework graphics that go well with the traditional Oreo blue. There's even a giant star that lets us know that within there is "Popping Candy". What the hell, Nabisco, couldn't shell out money to Pop Rocks Inc. for the cross promotion? I mean, I get it. One does not often think of Pop Rocks and Oreos as "pairing well", but shit, ya done shelled out for PEEPS of all things, so, what's up with that? Let's tear it open!

BOOM BABY YEAH!
Well, that was slightly underwhelming. I guess I shouldn't have expected any sort of explosion upon opening the package but a part of me hoped for it, you know? Ah well, the cookies themselves look and smell like Oreos, though the creme itself is full of colorful candy bits. The taste is almost exactly what you would expect. Oreo, but with Pop Rocks, er, "popping candy" shoved into it. You can probably get a similar effect by eating an Oreo and some Pop Rocks at the same time. Licking the creme itself produced a much more active set of pops from the candy, presumably because the saliva/candy interaction area wasn't blocked by as much cookie. Overall, these taste pretty good. I mean, Oreos are delicious and the Pop Rocks add some novelty without really detracting from the experience, except for a bit more crunch. It was even relatively decent in milk, though the popping sensation was weird.

On the FACE Rating System, these get 1 Smiley Face. They are good as a seasonal thing, and the execution is exactly what you would expect, along with it actually being pretty tasty, so two thumbs up on that front. I would say these would go great for a backyard cookout or patriotic celebration, but they aren't really and every day kind of thing unless you are some sort of Pop Rock fanatic. Pick some up for the novelty, but pass me the regular Oreos on most days.

Monday, May 22, 2017

Kotas Reviews Twinkies Ice Cream

Well, it's catch up time around the ol' blog. I've had several people now send me things to try or bring them to me at various social outings solely for the purpose of reviews. In this second part, I have been lax, so I'll be taking an opportunity to catch up on those. Anyway, it's summer time! Summer always makes me think of the ice cream shop my dad would take me to to get a malt occasionally when I was a wee lad. They had weird flavors (like bubblegum or gummy bear) and something always seemed a little wacky about the whole operation. Still, I believe even they would tilt their heads sideways at what I'm about to show you next. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's dive into Twinkies The Ice Cream


You did it! YOU FINALLY DID IT! DAMN YOU ALL! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!
Photo from: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/food/article-4190076/Hostess-launches-Twinkies-Ding-Dongs-ice-cream.html
Before we get into this, let me throw a very well deserved thank you to [REDACTED]. They provided me with this at about 1am on a Saturday Night when I was feeling a little tired and it was a welcome surprise on a hot summer night. Kudos, mysterious benefactor! Now, on with the show. 

So, it is no secret that I love Twinkies. I don't know what it is about these things that makes them taste wonderfully artificial, but man, I can't get enough of it. I should get enough of it, considering my waistline, but that's neither here nor there. I will admit that I never in my wildest flights of fancy thought "You know what these would be good in? An ice cream flavor!" Still, this is the world we live in now. I must say, they got the packaging exactly right. Twinkies themed all the way, with a picture of the ice cream itself. Solid presentation, let's tear into it.

The ice cream itself looks just like it does on the package: lightish yellow with chunks of a cake-like substance. But I know what you are asking. How does it taste? Well, have you ever had birthday cake ice cream? It's sort of like birthday cake, but it has these incredible spikes of sugar that represent the "sprinkles" or whatever, that sort of detract from the somewhat cakelike flavor? Yeah, this is a much better version of that. The cake flavor is strong, but not overwhelming, the "sprinkles" have been dispensed with, and the cake-y bits add just a little bit of texture to break up the general creaminess. In short, this is the birthday cake ice cream we've all been waiting for. I will say this: it tastes NOTHING like a Twinkie. Not even a little. But holy jeez is it freakin' tasty. I tore my way through a pint of this stuff like a starving mutant lizard beast through a foolish explorer. It was super tasty, and I immediately wanted more once it was gone, and then went out and did a little dance of joy. I am super serious about that.

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 3 Smiley Faces. This is the best rendition of birthday cake ice cream I've had to date. If you like birthday cake ice cream, shovel some Twinkies Ice Cream in your face right now! If you are looking for "Twinkie as a frozen dessert experience" though, you will come away disappointed 'cause this is barely Twinkie-esque. Still, stock up now. This is a limited edition!