Friday, November 8, 2019

Kotas Reviews Cinnamon Coca-Cola

The soda flavor explosion continues to spread. So many different flavors of soda are coming out that I simply cannot keep up with them anymore. Also, I really shouldn't drink so much soda. Still, some products demand that I review them by their very existence. In fact, I didn't believe this was an actual real thing. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's take a look at Cinnamon Coca-Cola.

I honestly thought this was a joke product.
I first heard about this when a friend gushed enthusiasm about it. I initially dismissed it as mistaken naming, but I was soon corrected. Turns out, Cinnamon Coke is a thing and this person loves it. It was not until I saw it at my local lunch spot in the cooler that I truly acknowledged that it could exist. I mean, Pepsi Fire was a thing for a while. Could this be Coca-Cola's answer to that crappy product? Why would they want to duplicate failure? Still, whatever. Let's rock and or roll. The can is expertly designed. It's a Coke can, with some minor additional graphics and text to inform you what is different from regular Coke on it. Very understated, very cool. Let's crack it open.

Well, it looks like Coke. This will be good for pranking I predict. I mean, "spicy" soda just isn't really my thing, but we strive onward for Science. Oh. Oh no. I was completely wrong about this. This isn't spicy soda. This isn't spicy soda at all! The makers of this soda clearly took inspiration from the sweeter side of cinnamon than the spicy, as instead of being hot, this soda has the cinnamon that you find in a sweet roll rather then that of a Red Hot. Oh man, it compliments the cola flavor perfectly too. I think I love this soda! I need more.

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 3 Smileys. Holy shit this stuff is delicious. Put it in your drink chute immediately, then buy more and use it as a mixer. I have to stop myself from drinking this constantly and I think I like it at least as much as, if not more than, regular Coke. Get it. GET IT NOW!

Wednesday, November 6, 2019

Kotas Reviews the Nostalgia Hot Dog Toaster

As I age ungracefully, I find myself wisting for the days of my youth. When things were simpler, food was less fancy, and bills never loomed as an ongoing concern. A time of fireflies and lemonade. A time of Saturday Morning cartoons and Ralston movie themed cereals. You know, the 80s! Anyway, nostalgia is big business as of this, oh, past decade. You see it in clothing trends, TV show revivals, and weird movie sequels. One place I did NOT expect to see it was in kitchen appliances and gadgetry, but well, here we are. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's take a look at the Nostalgia Hot Dog Toaster.

Helpfully labeled so you know what idiotic thing you just purchased!
At some point in recent history, the "retro-future" look came into style. You know, sleek smooth curves with random raised stripes, fins, and all that Zeerust crap you saw on 1950s sci-fi magazine covers. Eventually this trend trickled down to things like mixers, coffee makers, and of course, the humble toaster. So naturally this eventually landed in the world of the "single use appliance". You know these things: quesadilla makers, egg boilers, bacon cookers, and all that other crap that people get to make a single thing convenient but it ends up just wasting time and space over regular pans and utensils. My granddad used to LIVE in this space, and his garage was full of these dang things. Enter the Hot Dog Toaster.

I first saw this as a link on some social media site, and I was instantly smitten. It is one of the most impractical devices ever conceived of by people, and it looks straight out of a 1950s kitchen. It cost about as much as a decent meal out, and hey, I've spent more on worse things, eh? What a glorious excess for my house! As you can see I went with the simple "two dog" model, though they make bigger ones that can cook 4 at once. It even toasts the bun! But, how does it work, really? 

An all American horror classic, really.
Turns out, it's mostly impractical but fun. There's a little wiener cage to hold the dogs in place, though they still kinda flop around. The bugs do go in, but ya gotta kind of, how you say, stuff them in? It's not a graceful appliance that's for sure. Still, does it actually work? The answer is "Yes, but..." As you can see above, the hot dogs do get cooked, though they tend to blacken a bit. The buns act much the same way, they get toasted, but there is always this rime of burnt carbon along the edge. To top it off, it's an absolute bitch to clean, though the removable drip tray and hot dog cage help with this. 

On the FACE Rating System, I give this a qualified 0 Faces. I personally love it as an art piece, but as a practical gadget it falls way flat. There are easier ways to warm ya dogs than this thing, especially in bulk. Still, I appreciate a good art object and everything it represents is hilarious and wonderful. I will certainly use this to make hot dogs again. I just wouldn't ask anyone to clean it for me.