Monday, July 17, 2017

Kotas Reviews Mountain Dew-S-A

July 4th, long past us at this point, has always been a somewhat controversial holiday. On one hand, it celebrates the signing of the one of the biggest "And go fuck yourself" letters ever written, and on the other, it celebrates that by encouraging pyrotechnical displays not much safer than playing out in Uncle Bill's Machete Shack and Rusty Nail Emporium. Still, as Apu Knockoff #47 would say "Celebrate your country's independence by blowing up a small part of it!" Lucky for us, we're past that an onto the stupid stunt foods! Ladies and Gentlemen, let's look at Mountain Dew-S-A.


Well, A for effort, if not grammar.
You know, I don't know that the world needed a patriotic soda, but by Uncle Sam, Mountain Dew is gonna give it to ya! Look at all that majesty, what with the fake 3D effect stars, and random assortments of red, white, and blue space. I also find it amusing that Dew is repeated twice on the label, which makes for a striking, if stupid, logo. So, this is actually a combination soda, containing three different flavors of Mountain Dew: Code Red, White Out, and Voltage (Red, White, and Blue sodas respectively). All three are mixed together to create...this hybrid soda. I have to give them credit, it's certainly an interesting take on patriotism and soda. Let's see how it looks in the glass!


Light Purple is clearly the color of Freedom. 
Well, that was...expected. As any primary school teacher will tell you, mixing Red, White, and Blue together gets you a lovely shade of purple, and this soda does not disappoint in holding up the color wheel's prediction. I guess this is why it comes in cans, eh? But who cares how it looks, it's how it tastes that matters, right? Right! Let's drink up!

As to how it tastes, I will quote a friend of mine who dared try it with me: "It tastes like someone melted a Bomb Pop down and drank the liquid". That pretty much sums up the flavor. It has distinct elements of all three component sodas, with Code Red being the most prominent, but the other parts combine to make an interesting and decent tasting whole. I rather liked it, but it's not something I would want over another soda. It is definitely something I would want every now and again to change up my soda experiences. Thumbs up, Mountain Dew, this is pretty good!

On the FACE Rating System, I give it 1 Smiley Face. The theme is sort of all over the place, and the color is fabulous, but this "formerly only the province of soda fountain experimentation" tastes pretty decent. If you are in a mood to celebrate 'Murica, give a whirl. I certainly like it better than actual Mountain Dew. 

Monday, July 10, 2017

Kotas Reviews Pepsi Fire

Well, the Summer is upon us and that means stifling heat and suffocating humidity! Isn't that great? Well, I don't know about you, but when it's hot outside, I often reach for a cool refreshing beverage to help chill my inner self, and hopefully distract me from the fact that parts of me are dying at this very moment! Hooray! And what better way to start off a bunch of beverage reviews than by one that is as refreshing as it is weird. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's take a peek at Pepsi Fire.

IT BURNS WITH MAN'S HUBRIS!
Pepsi used to be the hip, cool upstart to take on the soda behemoth known as Coca-Cola. In the 80s it was the choice of the Pepsi Generation, the winner of the Pepsi Challenge, and maker of one of the best promotional items ever. Still, it never quite managed to overcome its stalwart foe, and started introducing gimmicks to fire off in the vicious Soda Wars. From clear soda, to adding lemon to Cherry Vanilla flavoring, Pepsi was always the leader of soda gimmicks, with Coca-Cola not far behind...except maybe this time. I honestly never would have considered adding a cinnamon flavor to a cola of all things, but, seriously, how bad could it be?

Well, it LOOKS like a regular old soda, perhaps with a tinge of red. The packaging is about what I would expect from Pepsi, with the logo covered in a stylized flame and red being the prominent color of the label. The word "FIRE" is bold and eclipses the size of the word "Pepsi", which is a bold choice. The effervescence upon opening the cap is...well, it's intense. It sort of tickles, no...stings the nose with promises of something that burns. It is mildly unpleasant, but it doesn't linger too long. 

Drinking this is sort of like drinking a ginger beer, but with a lot less ginger and a lot more cinnamon flavor. The "burn" is about the same as a mild ginger beer. A little harsh, but not terrible. The cinnamon flavor doesn't go with the cola flavor AT ALL though, and just makes the whole thing taste sort of weird. Not very refreshing either, because the cinnamon clings to your tongue more than is comfortable. 

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 0 Faces. I finished the bottle, and it was sort of different, but not something I would really ever seek out again. It kind of reminds me of a low rent Fireball Whiskey cash in, to be honest. Maybe someone out there will love this, but I did not. Still, worth a try if you like novelty sodas.