Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Kotas Reviews Pina Colada Oreos

Well, that was a great two weeks of Spring we had wasn't it, eh? Alas, actual nice weather is very rapidly giving way to the muggy hot soupiness of Summer. However, the return of Demon Summer does bring with it a predilection for tropical drinks on a beach. Unfortunately, there's none of that crap 'round here, so I guess I'll have to settle for like the 15th best thing. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's take a gander at Pina Colada Oreos!

Better than getting caught in the rain, maybe.
So we have yet another drink themed Oreo to deal with this year. What is it with Oreos and drinks lately? Who put you up to this guys? Oh, right. Well, we'll just step away from that and focus on what's in front of us, shall we? Honestly, as much as I love rum, I'm not a fan of coconut and so the pina colada has held little fascination for me. It can be quite refreshing on a hot day under two or three suns worth of heat, but I don't really seek them out. My grandmother was very fond of them and would always get them when we went out to eat on Florida vacations. This one's for you, Grandma. Sadly, I think that much like the majority of my adult life, it's gonna be a little disappointing for you.

She would have appreciated that joke. If not the awful color palette here.
The choice of "thin" here was a good one I feel. These kind of things are such that a little goes a Looooong Way into flavor country. The vanilla cookie also compliments rather than contrasts with flavors like coconut, and "chocolate" has no place in a pina colada, no matter what Applebee's might say. The scent coming off of these things is pure "store bought pina colada mixer", so it's got that going for it. Let's have a bite!

Yeah, this is basically pina colada mix in cookie cream format smeared on vanilla cookies. I must give credit where credit is due in that they created exactly what they set out to create. Sadly, what they set out to create is something I neither wanted nor particularly like. At least it doesn't have a huge chemical taste to it, unlike the Cherry Cola ones. 

On the FACE Rating System, I give this 0 Faces. It is exactly what it says on the tin package, but it's just not something I like. It's not offensive, just not for me. If you have a hankerin' for pina colada mix, these are probably right up your alley. I'll just be three alleys over drinking rum. 

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Kotas Reviews Cherry Cola Oreos

While not the first time a major corporation had some sort of "competition" to see what new flavors of a product would be hitting store shelves later on, the Frito-Lay, "Do Us a Flavor" campaign was the first to make it a semi-regular occurrence on the grocery store shelves. Pretty soon, everyone was getting into the act. So, I guess Nabisco had to horn in on that particular market as well! Let's eat some more Oreos. Ladies and Gentleman, today we pop open Cherry Cola Oreos.

Looks like I'm going to have to JUMP!
Le sigh. Honestly, I'm getting sort of burnt out on Oreo flavors. There are just so many that if you squint they almost all run together in a panoply of ever more ridiculous ideas to sandwich between two wafer cookies. Still, I must applaud them for continually putting out new and interesting, if not always the best tasting, products. This particular endeavor marks the first time that I know of where Nabisco solicited ideas from the general public. Kudos to you for having gone years without having to do this to shore up flagging sales! Ahem. 

Well, the packaging is good. Not amazing, but it gets the job done. Cherry. Cola. Cherry and Cola together. Oreos that are colored. Serviceable. Now, cherry cola is a secret pleasure from my youth. before its introduction as an actual product in 1985, Cherry Coke was something that the local Ponderosa Steak House used to offer as something of treat for the kiddos, of which I was one. I loved that iteration, and I loved it in a can or from a fountain when Coke made it a staple of their line. Oh what happy times. I'm not as huge a fan these days, as it's a bit sweeter than I like in a soda, but it's still good and invokes fond memories. Will these cookies stack up? Let's rip it open.

Well, I guess they couldn't color the white icing brown in this case...not that it's stopped them before.
Well, it smells a lot like those fake cola gummy things mixed with chocolate cookie upon opening the package. It's not bad, but quite artificial. These things twist off pretty easy, exposing the dual red and white filling. Supposedly, these have pop rock type candies in them to give them a "fizz". I'm sure that's fine. Let's eat! 

First, these are incredibly artificial. There's some fake cherry flavor, a heaping helping of fake cola flavor, and something resembling a standard Oreo underneath. The pop rock bits dutifully fizz in the food hole, as promised. However, it is all topped with this nauseating chemical taste that is fighting a war with the other flavors for dominance. It hasn't won yet, but man is it giving it its all. It tastes like what I imagine a trench warfare battlefield in Candy Land would taste like. Sweet and disturbing all at once. No thank you.

On the FACE Rating System, these get 2 Frowny Faces. I didn't spit it out, but I only had few cookies out of obligation to try and understand the flavor. The rest were foisted off on relatives for disposal. Others have claimed they "aren't bad", but I really didn't care for them. Not poison, but totally not worth it. Unless you want to experience the hellscape that is War in the Gumdrop Mountains.