Thursday, May 19, 2016

Kotas Reviews Chili Nut Peanut M&Ms

Well, we're back again. This time with more M&Ms! The first attempt at combining "nut" flavors with Peanut M&Ms was just sort of...meh. What will today's iteration bring? The heights of rapture, or the sinking depths of terror? Maybe the level plain fields of okay? Let's dig into Chili Nut Peanut M&Ms!

That's a mighty suggestive pepper there, bud. 
I never really understood the whole "spicy chocolate phenomena. It is totally a trend, and yes, I realize that some ancient cultures consumed chocolate with various peppers and chillies, but it is a trend I simply rarely see done well. I like spicy food, but the spiciness must be paired with a good flavor or else it just seems like "burning" was added. This occasionally can work, but I remain skeptical of its use in chocolate by a major manufacturer. The packaging is nice at least. Onward!

Ah orange. Nature's Danger Signal.
The color scheme here fits pretty well. Red, more different red, and Orange. You know, like fire. Or possibly an angry flying social insect. Anyway, it's on theme, which as anyone who is me will tell you, is quite important. The taste is...well, disappointing. It tastes like a Peanut M&M, and then your mouth catches fire. This is absolutely the basest form of "make another food burn and call it spicy" that I've encountered in the candy world. It has no chili flavor of any kind, only "chocolate, peanut, and suffering." This is pain for pain's sake. It doesn't accentuate anything, it's just there as an afterthought. More likely they were like "oh man, we need at least three flavors to vote on. Honey nut is obvious...what else is there? Dry Roasted? Nah man, how about Spicy? Hot peanuts are totally a thing!" "Well, could we make it based on chillies?" "Sure, I guess if you don't want to try..." "SHIP IT." It's not awful, but it is also not particularly good, is what I'm sayin'. Good for practical jokes, I suppose.

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 0 Faces. I don't hate it, but I certainly don't like it either. It seems like they didn't really put a lot of effort into it to make it interesting beyond "people like spicy things, right?" If you really just love the mouth feel of "spice burn", this might be right up your alley, but me? I'll give it a wide berth. Except maybe when pranking.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Kotas Reviews Honey Nut Peanut M&Ms

I told you this was going to happen. First the chip companies, then Oreo, and now even the vaunted Mars company has gotten on the "Flavor All The Things!" bandwagon. Much like Lay's "Do Us A Flavor", the popular M&M candy is being subjected to "taste these flavors, and vote for your favorite" indignities. Oddly enough, only the Peanut M&M subtype is getting this treatment. Well, let's 'ave a gander at Honey Nut Peanut M&Ms

A special shout out to a friend who went totally out of their way to bring these to me. Thanks [REDACTED]! This review (and some others) would not have been possible without your generous contribution. 

Well, the packaging is pretty much what I expected it to be, what with the honey comb background, the Yellow M&M, uh, sensuously licking a honey covered finger with a..beehive stuck on his thumb? There is a story here that I am grateful I missed out on, but it looks to me like there is some seriously weird shit going on in the M&M House. Anyway, it is at least eye catching. Also, frankly, the Honey Nut variation makes total sense from an idea perspective. People love honey roasted peanuts, and Honey Nut Cheerios has survived countless competing flavors to remain a beloved breakfast treat. So clearly, this is the place for this flavor to make a transition to a popular candy right? RIGHT?

Could you have picked blander looking colors for this mix? I mean, I get it, but seriously. Yellow, black, and brownish-gold. My appetite is whetted, let me tell you. Whatever, it's an M&M. How bad could it be? Well, the answer is that it isn't bad. The problem is it tastes JUST LIKE A REGULAR PEANUT M&M. I'm not a huge fan of Peanut M&Ms to begin with, but they are a perfectly fine candy that I have no issues with. These bring absolutely nothing new to the table except the vague sensation that someone wasted a lot of effort to transform an ordinary Peanut M&M into...a Peanut M&M. Once or twice I felt I might taste something honey related, but for all I know it was just my brain vainly trying to find something, ANYTHING to set these apart from regular old Peanut M&Ms. 

On the FACE Rating System, these get 1 frowny face. They are simply indistinguishable from regular Peanut M&Ms taste wise, and the color mix is shittier, so they don't even look all that great. Just go buy a bag of regular Peanut M&Ms and take joy in the spectrum of color. These? Leave 'em for the bees. A whole lot of effort for a whole lot of nothing. At least you tried, Mars. At least you tried.

Monday, May 2, 2016

Kotas Reviews (Homemade) Batman vs. Superman Cereal

Last month I took a look at Batman and Superman cereals. Why? Because that's sort of my thing, finding ridiculous things and reviewing them so you don't have to waste your time trying to figure out if it is a thing you should bother with. I SUFFER FOR YOOOOOOU!

Ahem, anyway, I had lots of cereal left over, so I did the only logical thing. It's Batman vs. Superman the movie, right? So why not a CEREAL? Ladies and Gentlemen, children of...appropriate ages! Let's take a gander at my own cereal abomination: Batman vs. Superman Cereal!

The inevitable conflict...or maybe team up...I'm not sure really.
Yeah, I pretty much just took a cup each of the cereals, dumped them in a bowl, and mixed it all up. The pieces even look good together in the bowl, though the bat shape is infinitely more recognizable as an actual shape and not just  random cereal piece. You can make it yourself, if you so choose, because this is literally the plot of so many sitcom "dad left all alone and needs to make food" jokes. What a life I lead, eh? Still, how bad could it be?

Well damned if it ain't good. The weird strawberry hints of the Batman cereal are completely subsumed into chocolate and caramel. The flavors actually mesh really well and this is a fine chocolate and caramel cereal. I thought the flavors would clash, but instead they seem to have joined forces. What gets me is how thoroughly the strawberry hints are eliminated by the mixture. It could be the cereal was just a little stale, but given that the flavor was still as strong as ever when it was by itself, I don't think that was it. Huh, for the first time like ever has a team up between Batman and Superman resulted in Batman becoming less fruity. Er, what? Nuthin'...

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 2 smileys. It's a chocolate version of the Superman caramel goodness, and it tastes pretty dang good. I wouldn't get both of these just to team them together though. That seems like a little too much effort for the sake of a joke review, but if you already have them, you might as well let them fight it out and then team up. They oughtta make a movie!