Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Kotas Reviews The Club Gin Martini

Having recently acquired a nifty fold out bar as a combination Father's Day/Birthday present, I realized over the holiday weekend that it needed stocking pretty badly. With this in mind, I wandered over to my Friendly Neighborhood Liquor Merchant and spent far too much money on booze. While in the checkout lane, the "barrel of mini-samples" caught my eye. A small canned product, retailing for the low, low price of $0.99 and promising the delights of the cocktail known as the martini within. Did I dare?

Ain't she a beaut? Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to The Club...Gin Martini. The labeling helpfully informs us that "The Gin is In It!", which I suppose would be fine if the label RIGHT ABOVE it didn't say "Made with Extra Dry Gin and Vermouth". I guess it is hard to convince people to consume spirits from a can. There was also a vodka martini version available, but I choose not to sink to that level. You see, it should never have to be called a gin martini. A martini is, BY DEFINITION, to be made with gin and some amount of vermouth, and thus the moniker of "gin martini" is redundant. But you didn't come here to listen to me rant about cocktail naming conventions, now did you? Let's crack this sucker open and see what we get. 

Only the majesty of this souvenir cocktail glass from my first cruise is enough to contain the glory.

Well, it's...clear. That's something right? Well, mostly clear. Vermouth generally adds a bit of tint to the otherwise colorless spirit that is gin, and this is no exception. The tiny bubbles are from the act of pouring it out of the can...I hope. It smells like cheap gin and sour vermouth, to be honest, though the scent isn't very strong. But how does it taste? Let's find out!

The first sip is full of horror and woe, though it does not quite reach the level of "canned despair". The gin is clearly not top shelf stuff, but it is the really sour taste of the horrible vermouth that sets it apart as being truly terrible. It isn't so much a flavor as some sort of military campaign against your taste buds with a side trek into your nostrils just to make sure you KNOW it's bad. I believe I actually winced when I sipped this. I'll give it this though, it's pretty potent in getting one intoxicated. So much so that about half way through I almost started to...well, not enjoy it, but "tolerate it better". It is drinkable, as in it is not quite turpentine in taste and aroma, but it's really not good at all. 

On the FACE Rating System I would give this drink 2 Frowny Faces. It is pretty bad, but I don't know what I was expecting for $1. The concept of the canned cocktail is not a new one, but I think it can be done far better than this atrocity. Try it if you want to, but it is totally not recommended, unless you want to get rip roaring drunk for $3 or so. Even then, I might consider other alternatives.