Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Kotas Reviews Abita Christmas Ale

Ho, ho, ho, MEEEEEERRY CHRISTMAS! I absolutely love this time of year. Santa, reindeer, decorated trees, twinkling lights, the welcoming of a little breaking and entering, along with theft of sweets, makes this one of my favorite holidays ever. So of course I sought to ring in the holiday with a little themed beer. Today we review Abita Christmas Ale.

You can see that it is Christmas because it is labeled as such.
I have a good relationship with Abita normally. Abita Brewing is located in good old Louisiana and was a staple drink when I was visiting New Orleans. It was with a big ol' mug of their Turbodog that I first discovered the culinary perfection that is the muffaletta sandwich, so naturally I gravitated towards their seasonal offering. Also one of the very few beers that actually had the word Christmas on it.

On Snapper, on Ripsaw, on Toothy and Chomper!
I love regional portrayals of Santa Claus in art, and the label on this one is superb. Santa, having set aside his traditional coat due to the heat, is in a small boat being pulled by some old fashioned bayou gators. Truly, it warms the cockles of my heart to see this. Of course, once I saw it, I had to have it. And boy was it expensive. The six pack I bought was a whopping $12 after tax, which is pretty darned expensive for a six pack of beer not from my local bartender. Eh, will it be worth it? Let's look!

Brownest of the brown malted beverages.
It certainly looks fantastic in the glass, however the scent says to me this will be quite hoppy. That's a shame because nowhere on this does it state that the Ale part is actually a Pale Ale variant. Son, I am disappoint. Eh, there is always the off chance that this is one of the few pale ales I can stand. Let's find out! 

Well, the answer is a resounding "Go to hell". This is one of the bitterest beers I've had in a long time, and it also had a ton of sour notes to it. Just awful. I will admit I thought at first that the bottle was skunked, and I think I might be right, because I dumped this one and got a second one and it tasted a little better, but not by much. Less sour, but still with some sourness along with the bitterness. Ugh, not a great experience for me. Beer should never really be sour at all. Bitter, sure. A little bitter is pretty decent, but sour? It should never taste sour. Yeech. I feel that Pale Ale lovers might like this more than I did, but I don't know considering the sourness aspect. Christmas Ale? More like Shitmas Ale.

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 3 Frownie Faces. Not only is it sour, it costs an arm and a leg. If I wanted to drink shitty beer, I'd have paid a lot less and gotten some Coors. At least that is cheap and when cold, not terrible. Not even coldness could save this awful beer. Stay the fuck away, and have a Merry Christmas without it! Real shame though, because I love that artwork!

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Kotas Reviews Ritz Crackers Cheese Sandwiches

It's Christmas time again! Time for toys and time for cheer. We've been...well, not good exactly, but we've not been bad! So clearly it is time to dip back into the Mystery Box for some holiday shenanigans! This go around, I at least have some idea of what the food is supposed to be. Today we look at Ritz Crackers Cheese Sandwiches with...Something.

Now with...I don't even know.
Well, other than the language and the mysterious red objects that I believe are supposed to be the flavoring used, this is a pretty ordinary snack package of Ritz Cheese Crackers. Nothing fancy in the package, just the product, a bit of flair, and the name of the filling in a language I can't understand. I'm sure it's fine. Let's open it up!

Can you feel the Christmas Cheer just radiating from these snacks? No. No you can't.
Yeah, looks like a Ritz Cracker Cheese Sandwich all right. The filling smells mostly of something like processed cheese spread with vaguely fishy overtones. It also has little red flecks in it. The crackers look like Ritz Crackers to no one's surprise. I'm not terribly impressed by any of the visuals of this snack. Perhaps the taste will finally rouse my holiday spirit.

The short answer is, no. It did not. The long answer is that these are definitely cheese crackers with a vague fishy flavor. The cheese filling tastes exactly what I would expect from a generic processed cheese spread, with the strange fish flavors added. It's not super strong, but definitely noticeable to me. It's not bad I guess. Bah Humbug. This just tastes like cheap processed cheese that's been left near some fish too long. Yuck.

On the Holiday FACE Rating System, this gets 1 Frowning Ebeneezer Scrooge. It's a cheese cracker sandwich, with an odd to my palette flavor and not a lot to love. I suppose if you LOVE processed cheese spread AND love fish flavor, you might consider eating these. I'll stick to plain old Ritz, instead.