Kotas Reviews Cap'n Crunch's Chocolatey Berry Crunch

Well, February rolls on with a number of semi-observed holidays like President's Day, Umbrella Day, and Public Sleeping Day, which is of course a fully recognized holiday that I didn't just make up. So what better way to vaguely celebrate such holidays than with a vaguely themed cereal that just so happens to be available in February? Right, let's get on with this and look at Cap'n Crunch's Chocolatey Berry Crunch.

That look says "I retire in 3 months, fuck it!"

Good old Cap'n Crunch. Lacerator of mouths, vehicle for sweetened corn, devestator of health and a truly delicious treat from my childhood. I gotta admit though, it ain't like it used to be. It's less sweet and far less slicey on the old palate than it was back in my childhood. Still, it brings fond memories and my child has an appreciate for their 'Berry version, particularly the "Oops, All Berries" type. Ah, youth. I always did wonder what it would be like in a chocolate version, and well, here it is fully formed before my eyes. The box art is in the category of "Fine". It does what it needs to do, but it's nothing special. Onward!

Yup. Looks like the output of a rock tumbler all right.

The smell is that vague chocolate smell you get when opening a box of Cocoa Puffs, though fainter, coupled with the artificial 'berry' scent of usual Crunchberries, with that generic sweetened corn cereal odor as your backstop. It's not bad, but again, it ain't anything you haven't smelled before. The taste however is kind of a disappointment. This is just Crunchberry cereal, with a tiny hint of some sort of chocolate that you only get in the aftertaste. If you poured a bowl of Cocoa Krispies, drained off the milk, and then poured Crunchberry cereal into that bowl and ate it you'd have an idea of the flavor profile here. The generic sweetened corn flavor dominates here as in most of the Cap'n's creations, so it's fine, but it does not wow me. True love's first cereal this ain't.

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 0 Faces. It's fine, but there is nothing here you can't get with regular Crunchberry cereal followed by a cup of chocolate milk. Hell, that might even have more chocolate punch. It's not bad, but it is ever so meh. Pass it by unless you are some sort of flavor completionist or blog writer.

Kotas Reviews Dark Chocolate Oreos

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Who knew that a day in remembrance of a Catholic priest who ministered to Christians when it was illegal, and was beheaded for it, would turn into one of the biggest days of the year for confectioners everywhere, eh? Think about that while you gnaw your chalk-like hearts today. Still, today we review something only vaguely related to the holiday at hand: Dark Chocolate Oreos!

FUUUUUCK YES.

I love dark chocolate. Even the waxy bullcrap that Hershey's dares refer to as dark chocolate, I even love that. So you have to understand that the VERY MOMENT I saw these, I HAD to have them. My hype was real and I had a mighty need to shove these in my face as fast as a man can. But, we must exercise some restraint here. The packaging is as basic as it gets. It's an Oreo. It has purportedly dark chocolate filling. What else is there to say? RIP IT OPEN, I'M GOIN' IN!

The stegosaurus plate adds just the right touch of dignity.

Yup, that's dark chocolate. It is noticeably darker than regular old chocolate Oreos, which is nice. Fails horribly at the twist off test, but I suppose it matters less when the cookie and the filling are the same color. beat OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM....

FUCK YES these are amazing. I have always been of the opinion that nothing could really top the original Oreo as my all time favorite, but you know what? These are legitimately the single BEST Oreo Nabisco has put out. The chocolate flavor is fucking spot on with that nice little bit of bitter and cocoa, but enough sweetness to make it the perfect chocolate cookie in the mouth. Holy Shit These Cookies! If it weren't for the fact that other people wanted to eat them, I would have hugged the package to my chest, growled at anyone who came near, and messily devoured the whole package. 

On the FACE Rating System, these get 4 Smiley Faces. Yes, they are that damn good. The only better cookies I've had in the chocolate category have been homemade ones (and those are way nicer than these), but for store bought? GIMME GIMME GIMME COOKIES!