Kotas Reviews Lime and Jalapeno Ruffles

Hello Sports Fans, it's been a while hasn't it? Well, that's just how we roll on in today's cavalcade of flavor options churned out ceaselessly by Corporate Food Companies. Seriously, I can't even keep up with the onslaught of new and varied flavors of things anymore. Every time I go into the grocery store there is something new and different to try. Still, the occasional really interesting thing pops out, and that's what we have for today's experience. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's take a look at Lime and Jalapeno Ruffles.

I should probably know who Anthony Davis is, but this is the world we live in.

So for decades, athletes have been used for food advertising. For decades they've even had their faces on the packaging. However, this is absolutely the first time in my experience that a flavor was...uh...developed? Approved by? It says "By", so I'm going to assume Mr. Davis here came up with it. The packaging is spot on. Not only does it put the flavor front and center, the image of Anthony Davis is out of the way without being pushed aside. It's a delicate balancing act, but this pulls it off. Good job, Frito-Lay. Now, let's tear open this bag and see what we can see.

It ain't much, but it's honest flavor dust.

Yeah, yeah, this continues the tradition of Jalapeno flavored things generally having an underwhelming appearance. I mean, it's Ruffles with tiny green specks. Shocking, eh? The scent is exactly what you would expect. Fake-ish lime scent with some Jalapeno mixed in. Let's taste! First off, damn these things are spicier than I expected. Second, they are also damn good. Normally I don't like artificial lime flavoring, but either they've used a different one that I've tasted on other chips or the jalapeno essence they used just compliments it really well. Really strong lime flavor, big hit of pepper spice, and it fades fairly quickly if you let it. These are delicious, and the bag did not survive my household long.

On the FACE Rating System, these get 3 Smiley Faces. You really have to be in the mood for spicy lime flavor, but this thing delivers that flavor by the truck load, without being too much in either the lime or spice direction. Bravo Anthony Davis. If that whole basketball thing doesn't work out, perhaps you could be a Flavorgineer? 

Kotas Reviews Trader Joe's Pumpkin Tortilla Chips

Well, it's definitely Fall for real now. Its coming was heralded by brisk mornings, having to dig out your jacket, and pumpkin spice flavored everything. It also leads to more gatherings where you can sit outside in comfortable clothes and nice weather. In fact, it was one such party which is directly responsible for the review you are about to read. A co-worker's spouse noted I had a blog, and a few days later I was presented with today's subject, courtesy of that lovely person. I am certainly not one to refuse such a humble request, and this item intrigued me. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's take a look at Trader Joe's Pumpkin Tortilla Chips.

Trader Joe has been hitting some weird shit lately.

Ah, Trader Joe's. They are the little gourmet grocery store that sort of can, since they carry a lot of what I would term 'quirky' foods and not very many mass market name brands. Still, I do love to get food from there is generally tasty. Fun fact, they are owned by Aldi's, which has been making some strides into my local area. Small world, eh? Whatever. Trader Joe's is known for its many many MANY self branded foods many of which have quirky names: Trader Joe Ohs being the name of their cereal brand. They also carry Charles Shaw wine, or "Two Buck Chuck" which is a cheap way to get wine drunk, even if it's more than two bucks these days. That brings us to today's offering.

The packaging is fairly plain, as is common for Trader Joe's stuff. Got the name of the store, the name of the product, and a photo of the actual product on the bag. Nothing too fancy, but I like honesty in packaging. These look like heavily spiced chips, and I predict they are sweet. Let's open it up!

Well, they aren't much to look at.

I'm not sure why tortilla chips needed ground pumpkin seeds added to the flour, or why it needed cinnamon and nutmeg spicing, but here we are in all our confusing glory. The scent upon opening the bag is distinctly Not Sweet, though there a touch of nutmeg and cinnamon in it. I guess they aren't meant to be sweet? The flavor is pretty much "corn chip", but with some extra nuttiness from the pumpkin seeds used and a subtle bit of nutmeg and cinnamon. There is zero sweetness here, but that's okay, it's mostly just a corn chip. The flavor isn't bad, it's just not particularly good either? It just sort of is. Corn chip with accent, if you will. I did like that on a few of the chips you can see fairly large pieces of pumpkin seed, so it's got that going for it.

On the FACE Rating System, these get 0 Faces. They are, in a word, chips. Eat them plain or with salsa if you like tortilla chips, avoid if you don't. The cinnamon and nutmeg flavors are there, but not really strong enough to make an impact. Much the same can be said for the pumpkin seed portion. It's there, but it's not spectacular, it's merely okay. Try them, or don't. 

Kotas Reviews Lays Bacon Wrapped Jalapeno Poppers Wavy Chips

Well well Lay's. I see we're having another flavorsplosion for the late summer. I also take note that you are ditching the whole "vote for a flavor" thing in favor of just having a giant pile of limited edition flavors. Well, never let it be said that I backed down from a manufactured food challenge (the Ol' 96er notwithstanding), so today we dive right in with...uh...Bacon Wrapped Jalapeno Popper Wavy Lays. Because the world doesn't make sense anymore. 

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

I can safely say I've never been a fan of the Jalapeno Popper, not even when it was bacon wrapped. I'm just not a huge fan of jalapenos in general, let alone stuffed with cream and cheddar cheese. Adding bacon may help, but...no. Just not my deal. Still, when Lay's issues a challenge, I cannot help but stand up. This one is certainly very unique in chipdom. That's a lot of different savory flavors to pack into a lowly potato chip, even one so noble as the Wavy variety. Will it stand up? Let us tear into the bag and find out. Did I mention this is one of like nine or ten different flavors? I am not prepared.

Nothing ever ends, Adrian.

Well, the scent in the bag is incredibly "Bac-Os", or fake bacon bits. You know, the kind you shake out of a container. It basically overwhelms any other odor that might be present. The chips themselves look like Wavy Lay's with red flavor dust and green chive-like flecks. But who gives two rat's asses about the look? We all want to know what they taste like.

In a phrase, "pretty dang good". The fake bacon flavor is very strong, but not necessarily bad. The chips do not have any jalapeno flavor, but they do have a nice slow build of heat, and while they don't have a particular cheese flavor, they have a creamy sour cream note that really brings the whole thing together. Hot damn, these are actually good! I guess the only problem for some might be that they don't really taste like bacon-wrapped jalapeno poppers. Oh, there's plenty of fake bacon (or facon, if you will) to go around, but the only hint that there is a jalapeno is the heat, and no cheese flavors I can distinguish. Weird, but good. 

On the FACE Rating System, these get 2 Smiley Faces. They are super tasty and I want to eat them by the bag, but some people might be disappointed they ain't what they say they are. More like Bacon, Sour Cream, and Hot chips than anything else. Definitely give them a try. Oh man, only...nine more flavors to go? Sheeeeeeesh.

Kotas Reviews Lay's Everything Bagel with Cream Cheese Chips

So, Do Us A Flavor rolls on, and we come to our final (so far) bag of nonsense that's been released. I really have to hand it to Frito-Lay, they aren't afraid to toss out any old flavor and see what sticks. I'm still kinda sad that the Cappuccino chips didn't work out, because they made a GREAT ice cream topping, though they really weren't good for much else. Still, if you don't try everything, you might miss something, right? That's the kind of attitude that brings us to today's offering. Ladies, Gentlemen, and budgies, today we take a look at Lay's Everything Bagel with Cream Cheese chips.

Kettle Cooked even, just like Mom used to buy.

 The Everything Bagel is what you get when you mix thrift with a variety of bagels, or at least some of them. When I was a kid, I always assumed it was what you got when you took a bunch of "bagel dough scraps" left over from making OTHER bagels, and then threw them all together into a glorious Frankenstein's Breakfast sort of way. Still, considering you never saw any sweet bagel portions in it, nor more complex bagels like Asiago Cheese or Sun-Dried Tomato, I should have known it was simply a snappy name for a bagel with "a giant pile of stuff" on it. Oddly, I always thought that the onion and garlic portions overwhelmed every other flavor in the bagel sort of defeating the point of this. So, let's see what they do with the chip version eh? 

Yup, that's a bagel with cream cheese alright. The chip next to it is pretty unimpressive, but it does sort of get the point across. Not sure why they went with purple for the accent color, but what do I know about marketing? Let's crack it open!

Sad, really.

Well, color me unimpressed. These chips look like chips with coal dust on them. The smell is very strong, but more reminiscent of sour cream than cheese, though not exactly like "sour cream and onion" chips either. I suppose there's a lot more garlic notes. The chips themselves have actual poppy seeds on them, though no sesame seeds, caraway seeds, or any other kind of seed. It's practically seedless, I tells ya. But who cares how it looks, it's a chip right? How does it taste?

For something labeled "Everything" it sure tastes a lot like "sour cream and onion and garlic" chips more than anything else. The onion and garlic flavors just completely dominate, though the sour cream flavor comes out a bit sometimes. What it doesn't taste like is a bagel and/or cream cheese. Oh, there's maybe a bit more tangyness to the sour cream note, but it's still basically sour cream flavoring. It's not a bad flavor, but it's not particularly unique or interesting, and it is so heavy that unless you paired it with something equally strong it will simply be the flavor of your meal. I can tell you that if it wasn't labeled "Everything Bagel with Cream Cheese" I would have no idea that is what you were going for, unlike the Crispy Taco chips. Kinda off the mark on this one.

On the FACE Rating System, it gets an unsurprising 0 Faces. They aren't bad, they aren't good. If you really, really like sour cream and onion chips and want something with a bit more garlic, these might be up your alley. They are not up my alley though. Not bad, Frito-Lay, and I applaud your creativity, but even the most creative corporation has a flavor dud sometimes.

Kotas Reviews Lay's Fried Green Tomato Chips

The Lay's Do Us A Flavor promotion for this year continues down a strange yet somehow familiar path, it seems, as we find ourselves with a primary food item being converted into a chip version. Have we gone too far this time? Is this truly the pinnacle of our horrible Frankensteinien food experiments? Or is this simply yet another in a long line of "uhhhh...what?" flavors of chips that has come before? Ladies and Gentlemen, let's get a bite of Lay's Fried Green Tomato chips.

Wavy like a Fox!

As a resident of the South, I should probably be familiar with these, but they were never a staple of my household growing up and seeing them in restaurants was always a novelty. In fact, I can't be sure, but I think when that movie I was a bit surprised to find that they were associated with Southern Cooking. My culinary journey is stilted and weird. Anycrap, we have these things from Lay's. The green packaging contrasts significantly with the picture of the red-dust coated chip, but it maintains the same level of detail and quality as other chips in this promotion, so that's good. Let's open it up.

Uh...huh. Probably won't see these at the Whistle Stop Cafe, that's for sure.

 Well, they smell quite tomato-y, though I couldn't tell you what distinguished it as "fried green". They look somewhat less flavor dust coated than the packaging would indicate, but that's okay, these things never get it perfectly right, eh? The flavor is...well, it has its own unique charm. It's got a strong dose of tomato, though it's more like sun dried than fresh (or fried. Or Green), but it also has a highly surprising spicy kick that I was not expecting. A few mouthfuls of these beauties and you'll have the makings of a sinus cleaning amount of heat. It's not a very flavorful heat though. I mean, there's the tomato flavor and then your mouth just gets...hot. It's not bad, but it's really weird as I absolutely was not expecting ANY heat, let alone a decent amount of it. I'm told that fried green tomatoes occasionally have a spicy kick depending on the recipe, so that's it I guess? Weird.

On the FACE Rating System, these get 0 Faces. I don't hate them. They taste alright I guess, if you like Spicy Sun-Dried Tomatoes, but they do not really remind me of Fried Green Tomatoes at all, and yes I have had them. It's not a flavor that I would go out of my way for, but if you really want something spicy, but are sick of all the traditional "spicy" type flavors (BBQ, Flamin', Nacho, etc), these might be fun to try. Or not. For me, they are quite "meh".

Kotas Reviews Bacon Pringles

Man, is bacon totally 2015 or what? I mean, sure, we are still left with the survivors of the Great Baconating that occurred a while back, but bacon is totally on the outs as a stunt food these days. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Still, we see the occasional product come out that touts as its main attraction some sort of bacon enhancement, like today's offering. Let's take a gander at Bacon Pringles.

You don't often see a long handled sandwich maker pressed into service as a bacon fryer.

The humble Pringle is not often featured here, due to its vast array of mouth experiences even before every food producer took a train to Flavor Country. They occasionally come out with a new spin on an old favorite, like "Xtreme Pizza Flavoring" or whatever, but they are generally content with their fourth place in the Chip Hierarchy, behind Lay's, Doritos, and Cheetos. Basically the answer to the question "What happens when you tell an engineer to make potato snacks that aren't greasy, broken, or stale before you even buy them", Pringles are the preferred snack of anyone who likes things neat and tidy. The can itself is typical Pringles, with a picture of frying bacon somehow magically levitating a Pringles chip above it. They don't really fuck around with fancy shit at the Pringles factory these days. Of course, we're not here for the can, but for the chips inside. What happens when you shove bacon into them?

Underwhelming.

When I popped the top it smelled like a Bacos truck crashed into said factory. It's not...bad, exactly, but bacon bits, specifically the glorious artificial masterpieces of chemistry known as BacOs (which have zero meat content) are meant to be used as an accent and topping, not a main flavor. They are therefore usually VERY intense when eaten in more than just a small amount. The chips themselves have a brownish flavor dust that doesn't look terribly appetizing, but I chomped my way in anyway.

Let me just say, these Pringles take it to the bacon limit. Very fake smokey, very fake bacon-y, very STRONGLY flavored these are. They aren't bad, and pretty much taste like a handful of BacOs with perhaps a bit of potato to give it "body", but they aren't something I'd want to eat a ton of either. I could see maybe crushing them up and throwing them on a salad if you are too lazy to sprinkle both bacon bits AND potato sticks onto your greens, but you just can't eat a lot of these at once without hitting bacon overload.

On the FACE Rating System, these get 0 faces. They are interesting, but they don't really rate as particularly good, unless you are in the habit of eating a jar of bacon bits as a snack, in which case these might be up your alley. It's a bit much for me, with the fake bacon flavor just being a little too much for me. Good on a salad, not by the fistful. Give them a whirl if you REAAAAALLY like bacon bits, but I wouldn't go on any sort of quest for them or anything.

Kotas Reviews Lay's Beer and Brats Potato Chips

Oh man it's my favorite time of year again! The sun is starting to peak out more, the cold weather is (slowly) being replaced by warmer days, the monsoons are showing up with more frequency, and yes, the Lay's Do Us A Flavor promotion is back again! These periodic flavor experiments fill me with delight because while they aren't always good, they at least show that Frito Lay is willing to think outside the box and really let their creativity shine by taking suggestions from the public and turning them into marketable goods for which the originator will get no compensation, no matter how popular they become! Hooray capitalism! Anyway, this year's chip adventure begins with Lay's Beer and Brats chips. Let's take a gander.

Sausage fest joke? Sausage fest joke!

I guess I was a little too bitter before, since this time there is a prize for coming up with "the best" flavor, which amounts to one MEEEEELLION dollars, or roughly equivalent to the spare change that the CEO pulled out of his car seats last Thursday. The packaging is surprisingly, uh brown, though DAT SAUSAGE, amirite? The beer looks remarkably like the beer from the old video game Tapper. Honestly, this theme surprised me, but upon reflection it makes absolute sense. One of the best times I've had at a cookout was scarfing down wieners and chips in massive quantities and washing it all down with cheap beer, and if they could encapsulate that experience in a potato chip, it would certainly save me the embarrassment of buying shitty beer. Let's crack 'em open!

Considerably less sausage than I was expecting. Less beer too!

Well, these are certainly chips. They have an amount of flavor dust on them, but they are not completely covered in it. The scent is vaguely backyard grill out, but not what I would call "bratwurst". Definitely sausage-esque though, so you know, decent effort. Of the beer there is but the faintest note of something that might be "shitty domestic", but really, it's hard to tell. Let's dig in, shall we?

The flavor is definitely savory and meaty, though identifying a particular type of "meat" would be difficult. I suppose you could call it roasted sausage, but I suspect that if I didn't know what it was supposed to be, I'd probably consider it just "meat-ish". There is more of the beer-ish flavor here, but not much. Still, it is definitely "shitty domestic" beer flavoring, so it's got that authentic American Backyard Cookout feel to it. You'll probably be surprised to hear that, despite it's inability to be a spot on flavor, it is very tasty on it's own merits. The savoriness compliments the potato and salt excellently, and the little bit of beer like overtones help clear the palette after eating (though not entirely). 

On the FACE Rating System, this gets One Smiley Face. These are very munchable, though if you were expecting a distinct "Beer and Brat" type flavor you will be somewhat disappointed. Definitely go try a bag if you are into savory chip flavors, and honestly, these would go great with Beer and Brats. Perhaps not Lay's finest effort, but it certainly isn't the Wurst!