Kotas Reviews Lays Bacon Wrapped Jalapeno Poppers Wavy Chips

Well well Lay's. I see we're having another flavorsplosion for the late summer. I also take note that you are ditching the whole "vote for a flavor" thing in favor of just having a giant pile of limited edition flavors. Well, never let it be said that I backed down from a manufactured food challenge (the Ol' 96er notwithstanding), so today we dive right in with...uh...Bacon Wrapped Jalapeno Popper Wavy Lays. Because the world doesn't make sense anymore. 

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

I can safely say I've never been a fan of the Jalapeno Popper, not even when it was bacon wrapped. I'm just not a huge fan of jalapenos in general, let alone stuffed with cream and cheddar cheese. Adding bacon may help, but...no. Just not my deal. Still, when Lay's issues a challenge, I cannot help but stand up. This one is certainly very unique in chipdom. That's a lot of different savory flavors to pack into a lowly potato chip, even one so noble as the Wavy variety. Will it stand up? Let us tear into the bag and find out. Did I mention this is one of like nine or ten different flavors? I am not prepared.

Nothing ever ends, Adrian.

Well, the scent in the bag is incredibly "Bac-Os", or fake bacon bits. You know, the kind you shake out of a container. It basically overwhelms any other odor that might be present. The chips themselves look like Wavy Lay's with red flavor dust and green chive-like flecks. But who gives two rat's asses about the look? We all want to know what they taste like.

In a phrase, "pretty dang good". The fake bacon flavor is very strong, but not necessarily bad. The chips do not have any jalapeno flavor, but they do have a nice slow build of heat, and while they don't have a particular cheese flavor, they have a creamy sour cream note that really brings the whole thing together. Hot damn, these are actually good! I guess the only problem for some might be that they don't really taste like bacon-wrapped jalapeno poppers. Oh, there's plenty of fake bacon (or facon, if you will) to go around, but the only hint that there is a jalapeno is the heat, and no cheese flavors I can distinguish. Weird, but good. 

On the FACE Rating System, these get 2 Smiley Faces. They are super tasty and I want to eat them by the bag, but some people might be disappointed they ain't what they say they are. More like Bacon, Sour Cream, and Hot chips than anything else. Definitely give them a try. Oh man, only...nine more flavors to go? Sheeeeeeesh.

Kotas Reviews Bacon Spam

There is a long and storied tradition among the Kotases involving the consumption of tinned meat. From that glorious sausage from Vienna to the humble corned beef hash, meat from a can has been a staple member of the pantry for a long time. No matter how awful for us it really is. So, I guess we're gonna review Spam flavors now. Welcome to Spam...Week? Partial Week? Something! Today, ladies and gentlemen, we review Bacon Spam.

Bacon is everywhere these days.

So, I kinda love Spam. First introduced in 1937 by the Hormel company, this pork, ham (isn't that redundant?), potato starch, and sodium nitrate classic was popularized around the world during World War II, when it became a staple of United States Army rations. It has gone on to become a culinary staple in Hawaii and other Pacific Islands, and is an ingredient in the fusion food Spam Musubi. My culinary journey with Spam starts with my father frying up slices to serve as a lunch fashioned from "whatever the hell we had in the cupboard". Since then, I acquired a taste for the super salty, vaguely unidentifiable pork meat from a distinct can, and would generally keep some in my pantry for use on "days when I didn't feel like eating well, but still didn't want to go out." The only two varieties I knew of were "Spam" and "Spam Lite" (a misnomer if ever there was one, because ah jeez, look at that ingredient list). Still, I suppose the modern requirement for "many flavors" infests everything. Hence today's subject, Bacon Spam. 

The can itself is incredibly distinct, though this particular one has the easy open pull tab, rather than the old fashioned "key" model that used to be the only way to get Spam. The only distinguishing feature between this and an ordinary can of Spam is the "ribbon" design with the world "Bacon" on it. Sure, bacon flavored everything is "all the rage", though at this point it's probably overdone. Unlike Spam, which you CAN eat without preparation. Let's crack open this sucker!

Shown fried, because I'm not a savage.

Well, it smells distinctly of Spam (yes, it's a unique scent), very pork-ish with a hint of something chemical. It doesn't really smell any different from regular Spam though. It slices fine, and the color is exactly like normal Spam. Frying it releases several delicious scents, but still it is very much the same as non-Bacon Spam. Perhaps a bit smokier, but it's hard to tell. So, how does it taste?

Do you like Spam? Then you will like this. It might have a touch more "smoke" flavor than normal Spam, but really? If you served it to me without the label, I would never know it wasn't normal Spam. That said, it's pretty tasty, if you like pork. Because this is incredibly pork flavored. It was originally designed as a way to sell more pork shoulder, so...mission accomplished? Anyway, it's Spam. You know what you are getting.

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 2 Smiley Faces. I enjoy the hell out of Spam, and this is basically "Slightly Different Spam", so I like it. Would I pick it over regular Spam? Probably not, given it's basically the same thing with a different label. It costs the same though, which gives it a leg up on some other "limited edition" flavor nonsense I've seen in the past. If you like Spam, you will like this. If you don't like Spam, don't bother.

Kotas Reviews Bacon Pringles

Man, is bacon totally 2015 or what? I mean, sure, we are still left with the survivors of the Great Baconating that occurred a while back, but bacon is totally on the outs as a stunt food these days. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Still, we see the occasional product come out that touts as its main attraction some sort of bacon enhancement, like today's offering. Let's take a gander at Bacon Pringles.

You don't often see a long handled sandwich maker pressed into service as a bacon fryer.

The humble Pringle is not often featured here, due to its vast array of mouth experiences even before every food producer took a train to Flavor Country. They occasionally come out with a new spin on an old favorite, like "Xtreme Pizza Flavoring" or whatever, but they are generally content with their fourth place in the Chip Hierarchy, behind Lay's, Doritos, and Cheetos. Basically the answer to the question "What happens when you tell an engineer to make potato snacks that aren't greasy, broken, or stale before you even buy them", Pringles are the preferred snack of anyone who likes things neat and tidy. The can itself is typical Pringles, with a picture of frying bacon somehow magically levitating a Pringles chip above it. They don't really fuck around with fancy shit at the Pringles factory these days. Of course, we're not here for the can, but for the chips inside. What happens when you shove bacon into them?

Underwhelming.

When I popped the top it smelled like a Bacos truck crashed into said factory. It's not...bad, exactly, but bacon bits, specifically the glorious artificial masterpieces of chemistry known as BacOs (which have zero meat content) are meant to be used as an accent and topping, not a main flavor. They are therefore usually VERY intense when eaten in more than just a small amount. The chips themselves have a brownish flavor dust that doesn't look terribly appetizing, but I chomped my way in anyway.

Let me just say, these Pringles take it to the bacon limit. Very fake smokey, very fake bacon-y, very STRONGLY flavored these are. They aren't bad, and pretty much taste like a handful of BacOs with perhaps a bit of potato to give it "body", but they aren't something I'd want to eat a ton of either. I could see maybe crushing them up and throwing them on a salad if you are too lazy to sprinkle both bacon bits AND potato sticks onto your greens, but you just can't eat a lot of these at once without hitting bacon overload.

On the FACE Rating System, these get 0 faces. They are interesting, but they don't really rate as particularly good, unless you are in the habit of eating a jar of bacon bits as a snack, in which case these might be up your alley. It's a bit much for me, with the fake bacon flavor just being a little too much for me. Good on a salad, not by the fistful. Give them a whirl if you REAAAAALLY like bacon bits, but I wouldn't go on any sort of quest for them or anything.

Kotas Reviews the Arby's Brown Sugar BLT

Bacon. The very word can inspire salivation and anticipation, or unbridled rage at the thought of how trendy it has become to throw it on everything. A fatty, greasy salt bomb of pork flavor, bacon may be one of the most symbolically American foods. As you probably figured out, I like bacon, though I feel that people can take anything too far. Still, the bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich is an American institution. So, what happens when a fast food chain tries to horn in on a craze that's on its way out by resurrecting a sandwich not seen on many menus for a generation. Today we tackle the Arby's Brown Sugar Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato sandwich. 

She don't look like much kid...

Brown Sugar Bacon is simply bacon that's been lightly candied with brown sugar. I know you are all shocked at this marvelous revelation. I first heard about it on Epic Meal Time, who tend to use candied bacon in more recipes than you'd think. I've never had it myself, but I thought, "Hey, for 'MURICA and such." So, here I am. Let's crack this puppy open and see what it done brung us.

But she's got it where it counts.

Well, it most certainly is a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich. My first worry was that they would skimp on the bacon and make this sandwich kind of "meh" on that alone, but I need not have worried. Arby's, despite having some nihilistic outlooks on occasion, tends to be somewhat generous in their meat quantity, at least on their specialty sandwiches. I rather like the King's Hawaiian bun they slapped it all between too. And, it makes a pretty enough sandwich I suppose. Frankly, it SHOULD be pretty. This thing cost $5.50 for the sandwich alone, making it one of the pricier options in fast food. I've gotten value meals that cost less than this sandwich. Heck, my local McDonald's is running a special: 10 piece McNugget combo: $4.50. Is it worth it?

I tried to get its good side.

I isolated a piece of the bacon to try by itself. It's actually pretty good. It's got a sugary sweetness that melds nicely with the smoky salty porkness of the bacon, which is a lot better that I expect from fast food bacon. The sandwich itself is pretty tasty as well. The lettuce is nothing to write home about, but it does the job of providing some texture variation and some bitterness. The tomato...could be better, really. Not a lot of actual flavor there, which is par for a fast food tomato slice. Of course, it has mayonnaise, because PATRIOTISM and tradition. The mayonnaise is fine. All in all an interesting flavorful sandwich.

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 1 smiley face. I am not going to order this all the time, but when I get that rare hankering for a BLT, I would totally pick this up. It's nice to have something offbeat in my fast food experiences, and this fits the bill nicely, though the price can be off putting. If you are willing to pay a premium for the sake of novelty, and/or you are a bacon lover, give this sucker a try. Because FREEDOM.

Kotas Reviews Kettle Maple Bacon Chips

Lovers of food around the United States know that bacon has held a special place in our bloated, cholesterol-caked hearts for a number of years. Once merely a staple of the "hearty farm boy breakfast", bacon has wormed its way into our collective food culture as both the cause of, and solution to, many of life's culinary problems. Of course, food fads such as these are often taken "too far". With that, I present to you today's subject: Kettle brand Maple Bacon Chips.

By naturally, they mean "naturally developed in a laboratory."

I've been a fan of Kettle brand chips for a long time, particularly their "waffle" style, because they deliver a most satisfying crunch. Their various flavored varieties are also heavy on the flavor while keeping a really solid potato base, which is something I appreciate in my flavored chips. Of course, it is always possible to go too far in pursuit of the latest taste sensation. Let's rip this bag open and see what we can see.

This is definitely a bowl of chips. 

The chips themselves are standard kettle style potato chips, twisted into interesting shapes by the kettle frying method. They are coated with a reddish brown powder which I suppose is adequate for indicating that these are, in fact, flavored with maple syrup and bacon. The smell that hits you is intense, a cross between the scent of liquid smoke, overdone pork, and the barest hint of vague sweetness. I admit, gentle readers, that I entered into this with some trepidation. Luckily, I had a hard cider to fortify my efforts.

If I had to describe the flavor in one word, it would be "inconsistent". The flavor is...essentially a more different version of that vague flavor called "Barbeque" which in chips always seems to taste almost but not quite completely unlike any barbeque I've ever had in my life. I say inconsistent because in most flavored chips, while any particular bite will have more or less flavor (depending on the density of 'flavor dust' dispersion), these have the added dimension of being either sweeter or savory-er with each bite. Even eating multiple chips at once seems to suffer from this, rather than balancing it out as I had hoped. The maple notes aren't even there, being relegated to "background sweetness" that doesn't really convey the stated theme. The so called "bacon" portion of the flavoring is also nondescript. You could have labeled these "sweet barbeque" and I wouldn't have been able to say they were NOT that flavor. Unlike the actual labeling.

On the FACE Rating System, these chips get 1 frowny face. They aren't bad exactly, but they are neither maple nor bacon in any capacity, so for those of you craving breakfast in chip form will have to look elsewhere. I certainly won't be buying them again. If you really, REALLY like barbeque flavored chips though, you might give it a whirl. One person's crushing disappointment might be another person's new taste extravaganza! But probably not.