Kotas Reviews (Homemade) Batman vs. Superman Cereal

Last month I took a look at Batman and Superman cereals. Why? Because that's sort of my thing, finding ridiculous things and reviewing them so you don't have to waste your time trying to figure out if it is a thing you should bother with. I SUFFER FOR YOOOOOOU!

Ahem, anyway, I had lots of cereal left over, so I did the only logical thing. It's Batman vs. Superman the movie, right? So why not a CEREAL? Ladies and Gentlemen, children of...appropriate ages! Let's take a gander at my own cereal abomination: Batman vs. Superman Cereal!

The inevitable conflict...or maybe team up...I'm not sure really.

Yeah, I pretty much just took a cup each of the cereals, dumped them in a bowl, and mixed it all up. The pieces even look good together in the bowl, though the bat shape is infinitely more recognizable as an actual shape and not just  random cereal piece. You can make it yourself, if you so choose, because this is literally the plot of so many sitcom "dad left all alone and needs to make food" jokes. What a life I lead, eh? Still, how bad could it be?

Well damned if it ain't good. The weird strawberry hints of the Batman cereal are completely subsumed into chocolate and caramel. The flavors actually mesh really well and this is a fine chocolate and caramel cereal. I thought the flavors would clash, but instead they seem to have joined forces. What gets me is how thoroughly the strawberry hints are eliminated by the mixture. It could be the cereal was just a little stale, but given that the flavor was still as strong as ever when it was by itself, I don't think that was it. Huh, for the first time like ever has a team up between Batman and Superman resulted in Batman becoming less fruity. Er, what? Nuthin'...

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 2 smileys. It's a chocolate version of the Superman caramel goodness, and it tastes pretty dang good. I wouldn't get both of these just to team them together though. That seems like a little too much effort for the sake of a joke review, but if you already have them, you might as well let them fight it out and then team up. They oughtta make a movie!

Kotas Reviews Batman Cereal

Well, I can finally talk about this! The greatest showdown ever depicted on screen or on page was of course gonna be a superhero brawl. It is just the sort of thing that lends itself to spectacle, really, and this year we've got some good ones! Maybe we will be treated to a couple of heroes who, due to a few poor choices and misunderstandings, find themselves at odds over fundamental questions of authority and freedom...or maybe we'll just have an illegal alien and a whiny rich orphan beating the shit out of each other for reasons. With all that in mind, I present to you the REAL showdown of the century! Batman (Cereal) vs. Superman (Cereal)!

Because actually putting the name of the hero on the box is so last year.

This first review will focus on that fan favorite, Batman! I did not read Batman comics growing up. In fact, the first real Batman comic story I read IN a comic was "Batman vs. The Hulk", because I was much more a Marvel fan during my comic collecting days. Still, then as now, DC was rocking the animated adaptations like a boss, and My Batman is the "Batman: The Animated Series" Batman. Even though I was slowly exiting my "afternoon cartoons" phase, I made a place for Batman, because Batman. It didn't hurt that the movie came out and sort of wiped away a lot of the campy, 1960s TV show public consciousness about Batman either. Sorry Adam West, you are no Kevin Conroy.

Of course, today's Batman is most informed by that of Christopher Nolan's masterful "Dark Knight" trilogy, and this cereal is only a touch removed form that. Look at that box! It's all broody and dark, and doesn't even have the name of the hero on the front! Pity the one dude who doesn't know who Batman is, am I right?

Uhhhh...I think you forgot to tell us who this is?

Chocolate Strawberry Cereal? What the ever loving crap. That doesn't make a ton of sense. Does it?

The back of the box is only slightly better..

Anyway, for a dark, brooding, adult themed movie, they sure are hawking the cereal like whoa. Most "movie tie-in" cereals tend to follow a pattern: Generic sweetened corn cereal with marshmallow pieces that may or may not resemble things from the movie. I have to hand it to General Mills, this is TOTALLY not that at all. I mean, LOOK!

It's almost like a real breakfast!

Bold move, making a Chocolate Strawberry Batman cereal. I mean, how is that even a theme? Dark and brooding on the outside, sweet and fruity on the inside? Wait...you know what, never mind. Let's just take a look at the shape: Okay, it's a bat. Very clearly a bat. Covered in cocoa. The scent is of fakey fake strawberry heavily coated in cocoa powder, which is a very distinct scent apart from just chocolate. This is why Cocoa Puffs smell different from Cocoa Krispies (which is hardly Cocoa at all). Anyway, it certainly looks like a Batman Cereal. On to the taste!

It tastes like Cocoa Puffs and Frankenberry had a brooding angsty love child before they both got shot exiting a theater. It is just BIZARRE how these flavors blend. Mix Strawberry and Chocolate Quik together and you will get some semblance of this flavor. The cocoa portion is almost overwhelming, and yet the strawberry manages to punch its way through to your taste buds. The fact that the cocoa flavor seems to be delivered by copious amounts of cocoa dust only adds to the Quik-ish experience. It's not a bad flavor really, it is just so unlike anything I was expecting from a goddamn Batman cereal. 

On the FACE Rating System, I give this 1 smiley face. I don't love it, but I find myself enjoying the novelty of the flavor and mouth feel, even if it isn't particularly "nice". It's just unlike any other cereal I've ever had, and that intrigues me to no end. It is vengeance! It is the Night! IT! IS! BATMAN CEREAL! 

Next time, we look at the (in theory) brighter, shinier counterpart...

Kotas Reviews The Dark Knight Rises

Charlotte and I saw "The Dark Knight Rises" today. I won't go into any deep detail, because most of those out there who read my stuff have already seen it. That said, there are probably spoilers in here, so just skip to the end for the final verdict.

The movie opens with some operatives from somewhere who drop the name Bane. The resulting hi-jinks, which are surprisingly slow paced, are supposed to set up the premise of the film: A mercenary named Bane is going to wreck shit, and he's an excellent planner. It does a reasonable job of this, and I liked the scene, but it just felt a bit too slow.

After that, the movie moves on to a Gotham City that is "cleaned up". Organized crime has been brought to heel by the Dent Act, and they are celebrating Harvey Dent Day. Commissioner Gordon has a troubled heart, wanting to confess to the lie he's held onto for 8 years, but finds that the time is not yet right. Batman (and Bruce Wayne) hasn't been seen since that fateful night at the end of "The Dark Knight"...

This is where the film really starts, and I feel that the beginning was a false opening, just given to set up some back story about the nuclear physicist, Dr. I'm Totally Dead Meat and show that Bane is "pretty bad ass". It works, but it feels a bit out of place. It also seems to be the only real misstep of the film. I'm confident that with a few changes of dialog the whole "nuclear scientist" bit could be cut without affecting the story of the film.

The rest of this is a loving goodbye letter to this franchise. We get more of what we expect, and then some. More cool toys (The Batpod returns, The Bat copter thing is freakin' awesome). More light social commentary on the nature of humanity (Bane's backstory, Selena Kyle's heists, the whole Robbery of the Stock Exchange sequence), More Gravely Bat Voice (okay, maybe not EVERYTHING is gold...). More amazing Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine. More, More, More, all culminating in the final exit that we've been expecting since Batman Begins. There are a TON of links back to that film in this one, along with several nice surprises and return cameos (I always enjoy Dr. Crane's antics), and this film shows the core of what the Nolan Batman is: Made of Determination and Persistence. This is not the Great Detective Batman, nor the Hyper Prepared Batman, nor the ultimate Combatant Dark Knight. This is the Batman that crawls inside himself to wrench the will to do what needs to be done out, often at great cost. Who returns from his losses, to finally Rise to be the hero that Gotham truly Needs.

It is not often that one gets to say that the first film of a trilogy is probably the "worst" one, but I think this is the case with the Nolan Batman Trilogy, not that any of these films are bad. While I think I like the Dark Knight better, this film is a worthy end. Sure, I enjoyed the Avengers more, but that's because I'm a Marvel Fanboy at heart, and I have my biases.

The Dark Knight Rises is a fantastic send-off to a character who brought Batman as Crime Story to the people, and made them love it. I give it 3 smiley faces on a scale of 5 frowny faces to 5 smiley faces. If you liked Batman Begins and the Dark Knight, do yourself a favor and go see this film.