Kotas Reviews Caramel Apple Laffy Taffy

Caramel Apple Week continues with...taffy! Taffy is a confection that one sees but rarely outside of tourist traps and any place the purports to do things "the old fashioned way"...by being a tourist trap. Still, it is a candy style that I greatly enjoy and if any candy type would pair well with a caramel apple flavor, it's taffy. But, does it actually work? Ladies, gentleman, children of all ages, today we examine Caramel Apple Laffy Taffy.

Created in a time when misspelling words was kewl.

Laffy Taffy is about the only mass market brand of taffy to exist in stores today that is actually referred to as taffy. Starburst candies are also technically a taffy, but no one seems to realize that, so I will ignore it for now. Taffy pops up in several regional shops, but it was never really a staple of the candy aisle...with the Laffy Taffy exception. Personally, I love the stuff. It is probably the finest brand of edible plastic you can buy and it comes in a variety of yummy flavors. Yes, even the banana flavor. Plus, it's brightly colored! Well, let's see how they do on the caramel apple front. The packaging is...okay, clearly going with a "green apple" motif which is at odds with the stereotypical caramel apple, but whatever. Nothing to write home about. Let's crack these open!

Well, it's...brown.

Laffy Taffy used to come in wax paper squares, rather than the plastic sealed rectangles it arrives in today. Why is this even a thing? Well, you see, this particular formulation is really hard to get out of the package unscathed. Hell, if it gets even slightly warm from, say, holding it in your hand, it can become nigh impossible to get out of the package in anything resembling one piece. I actually had to throw away half of a piece of the stuff simply because I couldn't get the wrapper off. I never had this problem with other flavors, nor with the old wax paper, so I chalk it up to this formulation being extra sticky. You may now make your jokes. 

Speaking of jokes, the central conceit of Laffy Taffy is that it has jokes printed on the wrappers. These jokes are generally submitted by children, and the quality varies from "Dad Joke" to "You should Never be allowed to write Humor again." For example: "What goes to the top of a haunted house? Mon-Stairs!". And this particular gem: "What October holiday do dogs celebrate?" "Bow-wow-ween". I mean, COME ON. The obvious pun there is Howl-o-ween, but nooooooo....we had to go with something nonsensical. This is what happens when you let the public submit content folks. (Full disclosure: that last joke was submitted to me by a former co-worker from HIS piece of Laffy Taffy. You know who you are.)

The scent is heavily on the caramel side, as is the color. So why the HELL is the only real flavor that of an apple? And not even a sour apple, but a regular old apple...well, artificial apple flavoring anyway. Seriously, this stuff is pretty much all apple, all the time in flavor, which is totally at odds with the color and scent. Just...what? 

That's like, three times now that candy makers have messed up a combination flavor in some fashion! How hard is this to do? You put your caramel stuff here, you add some apple there, you add some color there, and you shake it all about. You put them both together and you have caramel apple, This Isn't Exactly Toooooough! Seriously folks, I could take a Kraft Caramel and eat it with Red Apple Jelly Bellies and it would be way more Caramel Apple than this candy is by itself. Not a bad apple flavor though. Way better than most artificial apple flavored things.

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 1 frowny face. The actual apple flavor isn't bad, but the disconnect between scent, aesthetics and taste is jarring, especially since I was expecting the apple to be sour apple and not standard apple. Plus, the formula makes unwrapping this much more difficult than it should be. This is definitely in the "eat if offered, don't bother trying to buy" category. At least, if you can get the damn wrapper off.