Kotas Reviews the District 3 Chocolate Bar

Welcome to our second day of the...uh...Hunger...Reviews! Yesterday's candy bar was good, but not great. Will today's offering stack up? Let's enter the arena and try and murder Wild Ophelia's District 3 chocolate bar!

50% easier to read!

This bar keeps the same general label theme, but is much, MUCH nicer simply because you can actually make out what everything is without eye strain. The bar inside is arabica coffee and crystal salt. Okay, first thing. Arabica coffee is not rare or special. It accounts for 70% of the coffee production of the planet. Yes, it is better than Robusta (the other 30%), but that don't make it praiseworthy. And "crystal" salt? You know what? ALL SALT COMES IN CRYSTAL FORMAT, at least in the world of cooking. But, I suppose "ordinary coffee and salt" wouldn't sell as many $5 chocolate bars, eh? Though, in a weird way, I suppose both are a good representation of technology, which made these once rare products almost ubiquitous. Let's crack it open!

It's like they all have a uniform! You can TASTE the dystopia!

Well, this is another boring old bar. You can barely tell it from the previous one. But the real question is, how does it taste? Ladies and gentleman, it is certainly possible that a salted coffee chocolate would be a gourmet treat, but THIS chocolate is not that treat. The salt is...present, at least but I'm not sure why it is there. The coffee is...also present, melds with the chocolate like butter and bananas, and to top it all off, the coffee isn't like, coffee essence or flavoring or whatever, but actual GROUNDS. Coupled with the salt bits it adds a horrifying grittiness to an otherwise mediocre chocolate. District 3? You might be good at technology, but your representative chocolate is a travesty of culinary justice.

On the FACE Rating System, the District 3 Chocolate Bar gets 2 frownies. I mean, how do you fuck up dark chocolate? Well, Wild Ophelia found a way. Tune in next time for a new District and hopefully a better candy.