Kotas Reviews Lay's Salted Caramel Chips

 Well, well, well, we're coming down to the end of the longest year in the history of time. There was an election, there's hopefully a vaccine on the way for the pandemic, and I've watched literally every Star Wars movie available. This past year has felt like a decade, and that's roughly how long its been since I wrote in this blog. Consider this my apology, but it's been real hard to be funny in these trying times. Still, the weird shit keeps getting made, and despite a very long lapse, here we are. Ladies and Gentlemen, today we take a look at Lay's Salted Caramel Potato Chips.

The pandemic has clearly driven the flavor makers mad.

You aren't seeing things, we've got an honest to Grinch dessert style potato chip. Now, the Salted Caramel craze has sort of passed us all by sometime..a couple of years ago, but hey, I can state that it is good to see attempts at innovation in the potato chip space beyond "sprinkle a slightly different salt on it". Not since the Cappuccino chips have we had anything close to this. I'm actually excited! Are you excited? Let's rip into 'em!

Well, they could be fancier.

Well, they ain't much to look at honestly. Just Lay's chips with some sort of extra dust on them, but not a lot of it. The smell though is a weird chemical caramel-ish scent that is honestly kind of off putting. Like, Willy Wonka was trying to solve his caramel shortage by making some faux caramel, and THIS is the result. Well, maybe it'll work as a flavor. 

Nope, it does not. This is the flavor of things that purport to have caramel in them, and do have some attempt at caramel, but honestly, it ain't caramel folks. It's tryin', but it's failin'. That said, it's not bad exactly, it's just amazingly not good. Off putting and weird is basically the only emotions eating these pulls from the wizened husk that is my heart. My 7 year old distained them, and my spouse passed on them after a few bites. I did finish the bag, but I would not ever buy these again. 

On the FACE Rating System, these get 2 Frownie Faces. They aren't good, by a country mile, but I can appreciate the attempt. A for Effort, D for Result. If you see this and you MUST try them, don't say I didn't warn ya.

Kotas Reviews Meijer Ripple Steak and Onion Chips

Ah, it's the last day of the year. It's been a pretty low key year here at Kotas Reviews, with not as many reviews as I would have liked to get out. Still, we got some pretty entertaining material out of this year even if once again it was mostly food. But enough reflection about the past year, it's time to wrap up some business from November. Ladies and Gentlemen, we are about to dive into the Northern Treat known as Meijer Ripple Steak and Onion Chips. You are not prepared.

Well, this exists.

So, the idea of these chips was first floated to me by the same person who eventually introduced me to Jeppson's Malort (curse his true name!). He would mention these "amazing" chips during the inevitable down time that occurs in an online Dungeons and Dragons game, and promised he would bring some when we met. I'll say this, he totally delivered on his promise. These chips hail from Meijer, which is a grocery store chain from the Frozen North that apparently pioneered the idea of the "supercenter". Who knew, eh? Still, this particular chip flavor hails from their "in house" brand of chips, presumably a Ruffles competitor. The packaging is decent, with just a picture of the flavoring and nothing else. It's nothing special, but I don't hate it. Let's tear it open!

Classy is spelled "C H I N E T".

Yeah, these are chips alright. These are more in the Lay's Wavy style than the Ruffles style, with large ripples, suitable for dipping. However, the goodly amount of reddish flavor dust does allow them to stand out somewhat. Still, not unexpected for chips of this caliber. Let's give 'em a taste. 

Well spank my rear and call me Charlie, these chips are amazing. You eat one, and the super savory steak flavor hits, along with a large amount of onion flavor, and it is almost exactly the flavor of a grilled steak with onions, with a bite of baked potato tossed in for good measure. It is uncanny how much these chips taste like steak and onion. I'd almost say these could totally satisfy a craving for a decent (though not amazing) steak with some onions. Seriously, did Willy Wonka have a fit and make some chips to go with his chewing gum meal? These are a miracle of food science, they are.

On the FACE Rating System, these get 3 Smileys, mostly out of sheer shock at the flavor accuracy. I don't know what tastegineer came up with these, but give that person a freakin' medal. Holy hell these are good. If you ever travel to the land of Meijer, pick up a bag of these...and maybe one for me!

Kotas Reviews Lay's Chicken and Waffle Potato Chips

Occasionally we here at Kotas Reviews intend to review something, but it slips through the cracks. Gets lost in the shuffle, skipped over, or otherwise pushed aside until later. Sometimes it's much later. So imagine my surprise when I found a bag of these things tucked away in the pantry. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's take a look at a new twist on an old classic, Lay's Chicken and Waffle Potato Chips.

Better late than never, eh? Well...

So, these were a part of the Lay's All Stars promotion, where they take popular flavors from previous promotions like Do Us A Flavor and Flavor Swap and bring them back for a limited time. Because why the hell not, really? These hail from the very first Do Us A Flavor contest, back in the halcyon days of 2013, when life was simpler and..well, simpler right? RIGHT? Anyway, I didn't have them then, so I guess I'll have them now! The packaging is actually pretty nice, with a pretty yummy looking picture of chicken and waffles next to a lone potato chip. I also enjoy sky blue as a packaging color. Well, let's tear it open.

Well, they can't all be winners.

I'll be honest, these things look like plain Lay's chips. This is a triumph of flavor dust concealment, because the smell is equal parts savory and sweet, though they mix in a weird, yet non-offensive sort of way. They aren't quite as heavily scented as, say, the Szechuan Chicken chips were, but they get the point across. It's not quite chicken-ish though. The flavor holds more chicken essence, but the "waffle" part is almost non-existent. There is a bit of sweetness that almost tastes like syrup, but not quite. It's decent enough, but it doesn't wow me. The balance of flavors isn't really there, skewing heavily toward the chicken part, without any doughy or mapley flavors, just some sugar thrown haphazardly into the mix. Not bad, but certainly not what I think of when I eat chicken and waffles.

On the FACE Rating System, these get 0 Faces. They are okay, but I wouldn't seek them out. There is a bit of novelty factor to consider, and I do love the packaging, but most of you should really just pass on this. It's very mehtacular. 

Kotas Reviews Ruffles All Dressed Chips

Welcome to the BONUS ROUND! After such a disappointing finish to Chip Week, I remembered that I had one more chip to review...that I probably should have reviewed months ago when I was first introduced to them (thanks [REDACTED])! Let's close this out with a look at Ruffles All Dressed Chips.

Oh yah, time to find out what it's all aboot, eh?

It is a well known fact that chip companies provide flavor variations based on regional preferences, and Frito-Lay is no exception. The Ruffles All Dressed chips hail from our frozen neighbor to the North, Canada, where this flavor is incredibly popular, and only just now made its way South to the United States. The flavor is described by Frito-Lay thusly: "hard-to-describe, hard-to-put-down salty, savory, and sweet all at the same time". Which really doesn't describe it too well, but it sounds like an interesting combination. From the imagery on the bag, I gather it has something to do with barbecue sauce, paprika, and vinegar. Still, the bag is otherwise a bog standard Ruffles bag. Let's open it up!

Yeah, okay, color me whelmed.

Well, these look like nothing special. A light dusting of reddish flavor powder and that's it. The smell is delicious though, with a nice vinegar-y yet sweet scent that made me hungry. The taste is actually amazing. It's like a more savory, less sweet barbecue potato chip, with a lot more zing. It is a strong flavor, probably from the vinegar elements, but unlike normal barbecue flavored chips, which are usually way too sweet, this has that perfect balance of, dare I say it, Sweet, Savory, and Salty coupled with the solid crunch that Ruffles are known for. Om Nom Good is what these are. I did share the bag I purchased, but reluctantly. 

On the FACE Rating System, these get three smiley faces. They may be my new flavored chip of choice, dethroning my long beloved Cool Ranch Doritos as my number one snack chip go to. If you like barbecue chips, these are a must try. If you always wanted to like them, but found them too cloying, these are a must try. In fact, just go out and get them. If you don't like them, I will take them!

Kotas Reviews Hammond's Pigs N' Taters Chocolate Bar

Well, it's the end of Chip Week, but we're all out of Lay's flavors. So I suppose I'll just have to come up with something on theme. Well loyal readers, I found something that will intrigue you, amaze you, and quite possibly disgust you. Do you dare look into the Potatoy Abyss? Or will you flee into the night screaming, like so many before you? Okay, maybe I'm laying it on a bit thick. Let's take a peek at the Hammond's Pigs N' Taters Chocolate Bar.

F'gnly M'agwah Cthulthu F'atgn!

You read it here first folks, this is an actual candy bar with not only bacon, but potato chips as a primary ingredient. Of course, you are probably wondering "Who the hell is Hammond" and "Why is he selling this bizarre chocolate bar?" Well, Hammond's Candy is an old candy company, but these days mostly sells to the department store crowd. These candies find their way into variety stores, greeting card places, and other purveyors of miscellany. Mostly, they are one of the many makers of "off brand, yet trying to be fancy" chocolates that you see at the check out counters of random stores. Lest ye think this kind of stuff is the norm, they have a wide variety of chocolate bars that are not completely insane (though I will admit that their peanut butter and jelly sandwich bar is in the weird category). 

I am not particularly fond of the packaging here. I have always appreciated companies that use the "foil paper with cover paper" chocolate bar wrapping, because it is the standard I grew up with until they moved to that weirdly clingly "solely super thin plastic" stuff, but this design is very generic and boring. Sure, the pink color stands out a bit, but there's not even a cartoon pig or anything that makes the label jump out at you. I would have totally bypassed this in the store except for my spouse pointing out that it exists. But enough about that, let's get to the real crazy.

Into that black abyss from whence we all come from once I stare and tremble as my gaze slides onto that hideous PIGNESS that is this candy.

Maybe I should be less afraid of this candy than I originally thought. This is wholly underwhelming in almost all ways, though I am impressed at the bit of actual bacon that sticks out from the top right bit of the chocolate bar there. The scent is weirdly chemical for a chocolate bar, which was off putting, but I must give them credit for using actual bacon and potato chips in their chocolate. Sadly, the chocolate is where this whole thing falls down. The bacon bits are okay, adding a LOT of salt and a bit of smokiness to the taste. The chips mostly just add some crunch. The chocolate here is of, presumably, very low quality though, and that plasticy, chemical flavor of shitty chocolate just ruins the whole experience. It's not quite the grittastic nightmare of some of the really cheap "chocolate flavored" candy out there, but it's not a high bar to leap over, and this just barely does so. Yucktacular.

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 2 frownie faces. Weirdly, the bacon and chip portions were way better than the chocolate portion they were supposed to be enhancing. Just shows that you can't really put lipstick on a pig and call it a sow's purse...or something. Bypass this entirely, and instead think about what it COULD have been.

Kotas Reviews Lay's Greek Tzatziki Chips

It's Day 3 of Chip Week, and honestly, I'm getting a wee bit tired of eating potato chips. Nah, I'm just kidding, I love eating potato chips! Lay's in particular are very munchable, what with the whole "you can't just eat one" thing. I'm pretty sure they put some sort of addictive substance in them to make me crave them, probably "fat". What does the magical bag have in store for us today? Why, Tzatziki Chips!

Wavy with dignity.

So, this will be the second time a traditionally Greek food has been condensed into chip form by Frito-Lay, the first being the Gyro chips from last year. In this case, I think they did pretty well going with the Wavy variety and a flavor best suited to a dipping sauce than as a sandwich. The Greek flag is prominent along with other stereotypical Greek imagery. That tzatziki sauce bowl actually looks pretty good. Let's open it up!

Large and in charge.

I rather like the texture of Wavy chips, and they hold up a bit better in the bag too. The scent is pretty much like tzatziki sauce, though it has a bit of chemical under notes in the scent. The appearance is once again the very underwhelming "chip with green flecks" on it that is so dang popular this go around. Still, smells decent, looks like...well, chips. Let's dig in.

The flavor is almost exactly what you'd expect from a tzatziki flavored chip. What really astonishes me is that there is actually some cucumber flavor. Cucumber barely has flavor at all in the first place but to extract that minute bit and manage to generate flavor dust that has it as a distinct component is a marvel of snack food innovation. Frito-Lay certainly hit this one right on the nose, unlike some of their previous efforts. Bravo, chipgineers. Bravo. I think I'd prefer to just dip regular Wavy chips into tzatziki sauce, but when I'm feeling lazy (read: almost all the time) and just want that taste, you have filled a need I didn't know I had.

On the FACE Rating System, these get 1 smiley face. I wouldn't want to eat them all the time, but if I am in the mood for tzatziki sauce, these would fit right into that taste slot. They'd actually probably be really good mixed with the Gyro chips (or just an actual gyro, frankly), but they won't be for everyone. Give them a try! Unless you hate cucumber, then skip it.

Kotas Reviews Guinness Potato Chips

We are getting deep into Spring, and Summer is just around the corner. What a wonderful time to sit outdoors with an ice cold beer and a big bag of potato chips to indulge in some pure snackitude. Chips and beer have gone together since the era of the Free Lunch in saloons and bars across the country, because what better way to quench your thirst after eating a bunch of salty chips than to wash it all away with pint or three? If only we could get that experience in a single snack food. Well, that time is upon us. Today we crack open a nice big bag of Guinness Potato Chips.

Thick Cut, because Manliness!

I honestly never thought I'd see the day where two products that were as vaguely related to each other as these would be crammed together in marketing bliss. Then again, I always did underestimate the snack food industry's insatiable appetite for gimmickry. So here we are. Oh, and for those of you who think this is merely a Guinness branded bag of regular old chips...

Exhibit A.

 This is the real deal ladies and gentlemen. Irish Stout (specifically Guinness) flavored potato chips. What is this world coming to? Now, as a tippler of taste, I do enjoy me a good Irish stout, and Guinness will always be my first love. There is simply nothing like having a nice Guinness straight from the tap to make a meal feel comforting. That said, this is profoundly strange. Let's open up the old bag, shall we? 

They remind me of the Lay's Cappuccino chips from way back when.

Well, that certainly is a flavoring. I guess I should have expected this sort of look from a Guinness flavored anything, but "coal dust" is not a look I generally desire on my potato chips. They mostly just look dirty. The scent is only sorta kinda like Irish stout, though I probably wouldn't be able to place it without looking at the package. Very earthy. Let's dig in.

Again, this is kind of okay, I guess. It does have the bitterness associated with Guinness, but this flavor doesn't really sit well with the large potato flavor it is trying, and failing, to compliment. The overall experience is mostly fine, but it isn't what I would call good, nor does it recreate the experience of "eating potato chips while drinking Guinness". It hints at it, and it does have novelty factor, but the price of these chips is too high for what you get. At least it doesn't taste like a mouthful of coal dust, I guess. Oh, and it's $4 for a "half standard chip bag". Not the best value in the world.

On the FACE Rating System, these chips get 0 Faces. I do not hate them, but I don't like them either. They are "okay, I guess" and I get to say that I ate Guinness Flavored Chips. If this matters to you, you might try to score some, but otherwise? Give it a pass. Just go get a bag of Kettle Chips and drink a Guinness. Much nicer experience.