Kotas Reviews the Nostalgia Hot Dog Toaster

As I age ungracefully, I find myself wisting for the days of my youth. When things were simpler, food was less fancy, and bills never loomed as an ongoing concern. A time of fireflies and lemonade. A time of Saturday Morning cartoons and Ralston movie themed cereals. You know, the 80s! Anyway, nostalgia is big business as of this, oh, past decade. You see it in clothing trends, TV show revivals, and weird movie sequels. One place I did NOT expect to see it was in kitchen appliances and gadgetry, but well, here we are. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's take a look at the Nostalgia Hot Dog Toaster.

Helpfully labeled so you know what idiotic thing you just purchased!

At some point in recent history, the "retro-future" look came into style. You know, sleek smooth curves with random raised stripes, fins, and all that Zeerust crap you saw on 1950s sci-fi magazine covers. Eventually this trend trickled down to things like mixers, coffee makers, and of course, the humble toaster. So naturally this eventually landed in the world of the "single use appliance". You know these things: quesadilla makers, egg boilers, bacon cookers, and all that other crap that people get to make a single thing convenient but it ends up just wasting time and space over regular pans and utensils. My granddad used to LIVE in this space, and his garage was full of these dang things. Enter the Hot Dog Toaster.

THE MAW AWAITS.

I first saw this as a link on some social media site, and I was instantly smitten. It is one of the most impractical devices ever conceived of by people, and it looks straight out of a 1950s kitchen. It cost about as much as a decent meal out, and hey, I've spent more on worse things, eh? What a glorious excess for my house! As you can see I went with the simple "two dog" model, though they make bigger ones that can cook 4 at once. It even toasts the bun! But, how does it work, really? 

An all American horror classic, really.

Turns out, it's mostly impractical but fun. There's a little wiener cage to hold the dogs in place, though they still kinda flop around. The bugs do go in, but ya gotta kind of, how you say, stuff them in? It's not a graceful appliance that's for sure. Still, does it actually work? The answer is "Yes, but..." As you can see above, the hot dogs do get cooked, though they tend to blacken a bit. The buns act much the same way, they get toasted, but there is always this rime of burnt carbon along the edge. To top it off, it's an absolute bitch to clean, though the removable drip tray and hot dog cage help with this. 

On the FACE Rating System, I give this a qualified 0 Faces. I personally love it as an art piece, but as a practical gadget it falls way flat. There are easier ways to warm ya dogs than this thing, especially in bulk. Still, I appreciate a good art object and everything it represents is hilarious and wonderful. I will certainly use this to make hot dogs again. I just wouldn't ask anyone to clean it for me. 

Kotas Reviews the Most American Thickburger

Oh my goodness, it is almost time for the most patriotic holiday of the year! That's right, the Fourth of July is right around the corner, and in celebration of all things American, I will be tackling some of the most...oh, let's be kind and say "innovative" food items to be developed in the good old U. S. of A. That's right folks, it's 'MURICA WEEK!

For generations, Americans have celebrated the birth of our fair nation by devouring hot dogs, hamburgers, and potato chips with great abandon in pursuit of gustatory patriotism. Well, Hardee's (or Carl Jrs. as it's known out West) has finally figured out a way to have all of them at once! Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the Most American Thickburger! 

Picture courtesy of CBS Detroit...and MURICA!
https://cbsdetroit.files.wordpress.com/2015/05/most-american.jpg?w=620&h=349&crop=1

Throughout this blog, you will find the phrase "Monument to Man's Hubris" used a few times, but I can think of no other circumstance where this phrase is more appropriate. Just look at this thing. A 1/3rd pound cheeseburger topped with ketchup, mustard, a HOT DOG, lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise, pickles, and POTATO CHIPS. While the title of Most American food might be up for dispute, this certainly is the Most American Thickburger I have ever seen. Then again, promotional pictures can be deceiving. What does it actually look like?

I expected it to be taller for some reason.

Considering the usual disconnect between fast food burger pictures and the burgers themselves, this one mostly resembles it's idealized promotional self. At least some effort was made by my local eatery to make it look nice. Let's get it out of that wrapper.

 

Definitely American.

I've been a fan of the Thickburger back when it was called the Six Dollar Burger. I'm not sure what they put in them, but they are, for me, one of the better tasting fast food hamburgers. Still, odd toppings usually result in a downgraded burger experience, so I was skeptical this would be any different.

Well folks, I'm pleased to say that in this case, I rather enjoyed the experience. For whatever reason the hot dog and hamburger portions compliment rather than clash, for a meaty, American style tastesplosion. The potato chips add little actual flavor, but from a texture standpoint they provide some much needed contrast to the meat, along with a satisfying crunch as one bites into the sandwich. The lettuce and tomato make things a bit messy, but MURICA does not abide by being too dignified. 

On the FACE Rating System, I give this a very pleasing 2 Smiley Patriotic Faces. If you are a lover of hamburgers in general, you owe it to yourself to see what combining a full meal into a single sandwich can do. If you do not like regular Hardee's/Carl Jrs. Thickburgers though, this will not change your mind.