Kotas Reviews Sweet Heat Starburst

Sometimes a food trend comes along and is just something I don't understand. Sriracha sauce is fine and all, but did it need to be in almost everything? Probably not. Then there are food trends that I both don't understand and are stupid from the get go. Ugh, let's get this over with. Ladies and gentlemen, today we look at Sweet Heat Starburst.

Behold the agent of your downfall.

 Who the fuck asked for this shit, eh? As I've stated before, just adding 'hot' to something does not make it more interesting or fun. It just makes it hot. Well, not everything needs to be hot, damn it! I have to wonder who on the executive board of Wrigley said "Oh man, I love Starburst, but imagine if I could burn the shit out of my mouth while enjoying their juicy fruit flavor! That would be great!" Well, not only did that person NOT get dragged screaming out of a board meeting in a straight jacket, they apparently got put into the position of New Product Design! LOOK AT THIS! It's BLACK PACKAGING for shit's sake! Let's rip it open.

Not pictured: My everlasting hatred.

I have to admit, at least the wrappers for the individual taffy bits have little flames on them, to warn you away from trying them. They all have clever names like "Flaming Orange" or "Fiery Watermelon", none of which really make any damn sense in the context of "juice fruit flavors". How do they taste? Well, they taste like Starburst, and then they taste like burning. At least the flavor has the decency to put the heat after the fruit (however THAT happened). The fruit flavors are fine, but the hot adds NOTHING to them and in fact detracts most harshly from their taste. I ate one of each flavor, just to see, and I will not be touching these again. Fuck off, candy spawn of Mephisto!

On the FACE Rating System, these get 2 Frowny Faces. I guess if you like fruit that is immediately followed by agony, maybe you'd like this. Me? I hate it. It's an insult to candy lovers everywhere, and I swear it was made as a joke just to piss people off. Why would anyone have thought this was a good idea? I may never know. Stay away!