Kotas Reviews Star Wars Cereal

A long time ago, in a breakfast far, far away...

Oh happy was the day that Disney decided to further consolidate our childhoods by snapping up the rights to Star Wars. It is my sincerest wish that they will end the Lucas tradition of reworking  mangling ruining revising the original trilogy and will release a digitally remastered version of the original theatrical releases...but I get ahead of myself. We're here to talk about breakfast cereal. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Star Wars the Cereal.

The Force is strong with this one...well, maybe. I mean, come on, those marshmallows can't be that heavy.

This is actually the fourth incarnation of Star Wars related cereal products. The first was the much beloved C3POs from 1984, after which was a long, long drought of Star Wars related breakfast options. In 2002, Episode II cereal was launched. Presumably, Episode I cereal was just "bran flake sweepin's" from the floor of the factory and was not released. 2005 brought us Episode III cereal, and now, we have...well, today's offering. The packaging is a "Limited Edition Box", though I'm guessing the cereal isn't maybe? This is the Darth Vader box, though there is a Yoda themed one. All of this is mildly amusing, given neither of those characters could POSSIBLY appear in Episode VII, am I right? Hey-ooooooh! Er, um, spoilers I guess? Let's see how it looks.

Your taste buds can't repeal flavor of that magnitude!

Well, those certainly are cereal pieces. I think the cereal bits are supposed to be the Millennium Falcon, an X-Wing, and a TIE Fighter, but it could also be a bear, a cow head, and a bow tie. Cereal piece art is often left to interpretation by the consumer, after all. The marbits are, in theory, two different lightsabers, R2D2, Yoda's head, a Stormtrooper helmet, and a "Jedi Starfighter", which might just be a recolored "Blue Diamond" from Lucky Charms. But how does it look in the bowl?

You ate from that thing? You're braver than I thought.

The cereal piece to marbit ratio is not my preferred "all the marbits ever, and maybe some cereal", but most cereals aren't like that so, you know, it's fine. The flavor is purported to be "fruity" and the scent is vaguely fruity, to be sure. The taste? Well, let's see. Have you ever eaten Trix? It's a lot like Trix that stopped trying halfway through its audition and said "Fuck it, have some marbits, I can't be bothered to flavor today." There is a vague artificial "fruit" flavoring, but it is not very strong and does not mesh very well with the cereal's underlying corn flavor. The marbits are simple marbits. Dry, this cereal is meh. With milk, this cereal is meh. The milk isn't even flavored much when you drink it afterward. Seems to me like this cereal was recycled from 2005, and it tastes like it too. 

On the FACE Rating System, this gets One Frowning Grand Moff Tarkin face. This is a rather below average cereal, though I don't know why I expected more from it. Perhaps the box art cheered me? I don't have high expectations from media tie in cereals, but this one just seems so half hearted. Don't bother, even if you are a fan of Star Wars. Disappointment only, you will find.