Kotas Reviews Cinnamon Coca-Cola

The soda flavor explosion continues to spread. So many different flavors of soda are coming out that I simply cannot keep up with them anymore. Also, I really shouldn't drink so much soda. Still, some products demand that I review them by their very existence. In fact, I didn't believe this was an actual real thing. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's take a look at Cinnamon Coca-Cola.

I honestly thought this was a joke product.

I first heard about this when a friend gushed enthusiasm about it. I initially dismissed it as mistaken naming, but I was soon corrected. Turns out, Cinnamon Coke is a thing and this person loves it. It was not until I saw it at my local lunch spot in the cooler that I truly acknowledged that it could exist. I mean, Pepsi Fire was a thing for a while. Could this be Coca-Cola's answer to that crappy product? Why would they want to duplicate failure? Still, whatever. Let's rock and or roll. The can is expertly designed. It's a Coke can, with some minor additional graphics and text to inform you what is different from regular Coke on it. Very understated, very cool. Let's crack it open.

Well, it looks like Coke. This will be good for pranking I predict. I mean, "spicy" soda just isn't really my thing, but we strive onward for Science. Oh. Oh no. I was completely wrong about this. This isn't spicy soda. This isn't spicy soda at all! The makers of this soda clearly took inspiration from the sweeter side of cinnamon than the spicy, as instead of being hot, this soda has the cinnamon that you find in a sweet roll rather then that of a Red Hot. Oh man, it compliments the cola flavor perfectly too. I think I love this soda! I need more.

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 3 Smileys. Holy shit this stuff is delicious. Put it in your drink chute immediately, then buy more and use it as a mixer. I have to stop myself from drinking this constantly and I think I like it at least as much as, if not more than, regular Coke. Get it. GET IT NOW!

Kotas Reviews Crystal Pepsi

Nostalgia is a powerful feeling, especially when hawking cola flavored sugar water to the masses. How else can you explain the meteoric fall of New Coke, and the subsequent strangely still meteoric even though they actually fall out of the sky rise of Coca Cola Classic a few months later? Ever notice that with a lot of pop culturally significant brands it comes down to "entrenched incumbent vs underdog newcomer?" Coke vs. Pepsi, Nintendo vs. Sega, Wal-Mart vs....well, everyone, the story is told and retold over and over again. Still, out of these eternal struggles come weird and strange iterations. With that, let's take a look at the legendary Crystal Pepsi.

BOO YEAH!

Crystal Pepsi is LEGENDARY in pop culture as one of the most 90s things to ever exist, and for good reason. I mean, look at its introductory ad from the 1993 Super Bowl. LOOK AT IT:

Set to Van Halen's "Right Now", Crystal Pepsi splashed onto the scene to good initial sales as a part of the "clear is pure" trend started by Ivory Soap of all things. Sales quickly faded as people realized that maybe this wasn't as revolutionary as it appeared, and just like that, it was gone months after its launch. Still, the idea was kept alive by aficionados of the drink, who traded old bottles and cans on Ebay for ever increasing sums. That is where it would have remained, but then the nostalgia wave began to overtake pop culture, and Coca-Cola got into the act by re-releasing Surge, another 90s soda, to mild acclaim, and Pepsi followed suit with a limited re-release of Crystal Pepsi last year. I guess the gas station I purchased this at had some leftover, because this one was bought like, last week. Let's check it out!

Well, it's certainly clear, that's for damn sure. It's got a nice effervescence with a solid citrus-ish note that pleases my "non-cola soda" expectations. This version isn't exactly like the original though, since it has caffeine unlike the one from the 1990s. Eh, down the fuckin' hatch, right? RIGHT! This tastes pretty good, actually, the citrus is sweet, but not super lemon-lime like Sprite or 7up. It's got a bit of tang to it, not unlike the Zima re release and is quite nice going down. I don't think I'd pick this over cola flavored soda, but it's a nice bit of "something different" when out and about. Good job, PepsiCo!

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 1 Smiley Face. This is a re release done pretty well, even if it is just a cheap marketing ploy. I say that you should give it a try for it's so called "final release" coming up soon (mid-August I believe), but don't feel too bad if you miss it. I'm a fan, but not an obsessive fan. You won't find me scouring Ebay for this stuff, that's for sure.   

Kotas Reviews Mountain Dew-S-A

July 4th, long past us at this point, has always been a somewhat controversial holiday. On one hand, it celebrates the signing of the one of the biggest "And go fuck yourself" letters ever written, and on the other, it celebrates that by encouraging pyrotechnical displays not much safer than playing out in Uncle Bill's Machete Shack and Rusty Nail Emporium. Still, as Apu Knockoff #47 would say "Celebrate your country's independence by blowing up a small part of it!" Lucky for us, we're past that an onto the stupid stunt foods! Ladies and Gentlemen, let's look at Mountain Dew-S-A.

Well, A for effort, if not grammar.

You know, I don't know that the world needed a patriotic soda, but by Uncle Sam, Mountain Dew is gonna give it to ya! Look at all that majesty, what with the fake 3D effect stars, and random assortments of red, white, and blue space. I also find it amusing that Dew is repeated twice on the label, which makes for a striking, if stupid, logo. So, this is actually a combination soda, containing three different flavors of Mountain Dew: Code Red, White Out, and Voltage (Red, White, and Blue sodas respectively). All three are mixed together to create...this hybrid soda. I have to give them credit, it's certainly an interesting take on patriotism and soda. Let's see how it looks in the glass!

Light Purple is clearly the color of Freedom. 

Well, that was...expected. As any primary school teacher will tell you, mixing Red, White, and Blue together gets you a lovely shade of purple, and this soda does not disappoint in holding up the color wheel's prediction. I guess this is why it comes in cans, eh? But who cares how it looks, it's how it tastes that matters, right? Right! Let's drink up!

As to how it tastes, I will quote a friend of mine who dared try it with me: "It tastes like someone melted a Bomb Pop down and drank the liquid". That pretty much sums up the flavor. It has distinct elements of all three component sodas, with Code Red being the most prominent, but the other parts combine to make an interesting and decent tasting whole. I rather liked it, but it's not something I would want over another soda. It is definitely something I would want every now and again to change up my soda experiences. Thumbs up, Mountain Dew, this is pretty good!

On the FACE Rating System, I give it 1 Smiley Face. The theme is sort of all over the place, and the color is fabulous, but this "formerly only the province of soda fountain experimentation" tastes pretty decent. If you are in a mood to celebrate 'Murica, give a whirl. I certainly like it better than actual Mountain Dew. 

Kotas Reviews Kola Champagne Soda

Ah, Summer. A time when cool refreshing beverages are the weapon of choice to combat dehydration and soul crushing grind of yard work. Now, we in the good old U.S. of A. love our sugary sodas and other completely unnecessarily calorie laden drinks, but sometimes ya gotta see how the rest of the world lives. Ladies and gentleman, let's take a look at...Kola.

It must be good, it says so on the can!

Well, that's a very colorful can. This particular edition hails from...I have no idea, but it is popular in Puerto Rico and Jamaica, so that would explain the little palm tree icon. The artwork is very much on the kitsch side of the equation, in stark contrast to the mostly "single color with details" themes that most domestic soda brands sport. Also, the sugar. This little 12 ouncer packs 250 calories into it. Contrast that with Coca-Cola, which clocks in at 130 for 12 ounces, and I think my pancreas is trying to escape my abdomen in fear. Let's crack it open!

Beware the Jabberwock my son. Or maybe just this soda.

Well, it looks like a soda, but it smells like a Bubble Yum factory exploded next to a cotton candy storage warehouse. Ye gods this is sickly sweet smelling, and the taste...my goodness the taste is like eating 15 pieces of Hubba Bubba that have been melted down in a spoon over a Zippo flame. It is syrupy and cloying, overwhelmingly bubblegum-esque and nauseatingly sugary. Once your tongue numbs out to some of the sweetness it becomes sorta drinkable, but it is gag worthy on that initial hit, and the lingering aftertaste has you belching up Bubble Tape essence all day. 

On the FACE Rating System, this rates at 3 frowny faces. It is just simply awful, and even if you LIKE bubblegum flavoring, this is far, FAR too much. Stay away, unless you are the type of person who has to drink the Beverly at the Coke Museum "because". Sadly, I am one of those people. Let my suffering serve as a warning to others.

Kotas Reviews Coca-Cola Life

Coca-Cola is practically ubiquitous in my life, and I have been an avid consumer of Coke products since I was a wee tot (which probably explains this blog's focus on junk food). I've had almost every product they have offered: Coca-Cola, New Coke, Coke Classic, Diet Coke, the various "with Lemon/Lime" variants, Caffeine Free Coke, Diet Caffeine Free Coke, Coke Zero, Vanilla Coke, Cherry Coke, Vanilla Cherry Coke, and numerous Coke related products. I've even sampled Fried Coke. I guess I enjoy the soda, is what I'm saying. When you've produced as many things as Coca-Cola though, it is hard to really innovate. It is even more shocking when you completely change the color scheme of your packaging. Thus, in honor of St. Patrick's Day, we're reviewing the very distinct Coca-Cola Life!

COKE! LIFE!

It takes some marketing confidence to flip people's world view upside down by putting a Coke product in a GREEN PACKAGE. A little research (Thanks Wikipedia) informs me that this beverage was originally developed in Argentina in 2013, moving to Chile and the UK shortly after that. Distribution started in the US in November of 2014, and it has finally made its way to my town, I guess. This soda's claim to fame is that it is a "reduced calorie" soda, sweetened with a mix of stevia and cane sugar, putting its caloric content at 65% of a standard Coke. It's also sold in 8oz glass bottles at "regular" six pack prices. Because of course it is.

Majestic, I tell you.

Of course, you didn't come here for a history lesson or bitching about high prices, you wanna know how it tastes! Well, it's pretty much a Coke, with a little less sweetness and some different but not unpleasant overtones that I can't place, though I assume that's the stevia coming through. It's fairly tasty, and it satisfies my "I want a real soda" craving about as well as regular Coke. The problem here is that I don't know if I would pay a hefty premium over regular Coke simply to get this version. It's tasty, and I would totally drink it from a fountain or at a restaurant, but it isn't good enough to justify the hefty (in soda terms, anyway) price. Put it at the same price as your other varieties, and then we'll talk, Coke. 

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 1 smiley face. It's good, but it is nothing spectacular. I appreciate the lower calorie count, but this is NOT a diet soda by any stretch, though it is a good product. If you are a huge Coca-Cola fan, this is worth having at least once, but this will not become my "go to" product without some better price parity or availability.