Kotas Reviews Black Abbey Brewing's Metatron

Ah, Nashville. My original home town and burgeoning brewery and distillery hub. I'm not exactly sure why Nashville has become such a place, though perhaps the draw of Hot Chicken calls to beer producers, but it is what it is, and that's not a bad thing. One of these days, I'll have to do a drink tour of Nashville and make pilgrimage to these shrines to Hops and Barley, but not this day. No, instead we look at our first barrel aged beer as we investigate Black Abbey Brewing's Metatron.

Now that is some fucking majesty right there ya'll.

According to their site, the good people at Black Abbey named the brewery out of a sense of respect for Martin Luther. Personally, I think that's just good storytelling, but whatever works I suppose. The bottle's label is pretty damned impressive. It's got the awesome Black Abbey logo, the word "Metatron" in a kick ass font, and there's signatures and shit all over this boss. It looks pretty solid, is what I'm saying. Let's pop the cork!

It's...lighter than I imagined.

I'll be honest, I don't know what barrel aging does for a beer, but I've never had one before and I wanted it to be special. Plus, the name "Metatron" has a special place in my heart as of late. I mean, who wouldn't want to have a name that literally means "angel who speaks with the voice of God"? That's just super rad sounding. The scent is very malty and...earthy? It smells very interesting, very much "beer" with something else. I guess that's the barrel aging? Let's take a sip!

Sweet God in Heaven, why hast thou forsaken me? The flavor of this beer can best be described as "rag squeezin's". It's sour, bitter, stale tasting, and plain all around nasty. I wanted to be sent to beer heaven, but instead I got thrown into beer hell. I managed to get through the first glass from this bottle, which by the end had sort of made it up to "well, it's not poison", but the second glass was...cloudy. Perhaps that's simply a characteristic of this beer, or barrel aged beers in general, but it didn't look "interesting", it looked gross. I poured it out along with whatever remained in the bottle. 

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 3 Frowny Faces. I didn't die, so that's a thing, but this claims to be angelic while actually being quite the opposite. I wouldn't sic this on the Robot Devil, let alone anyone I actually liked. Okay, I kind of like the Robot Devil. Still, stay the hell away from this!

Kotas Reviews Yee Haw Brewing's Billy Beard Maibock Beer

Happy Cinco De Mayo! You know, there's something magical about the way Americans will disdain a culture for decades, heaping shame and scorn upon those who merely want to follow their unique traditions, but as soon as they realize there's a holiday celebrated that gives them an excuse to drink, they wholeheartedly appropriate the shit out of it. I am of course talking about St. Patrick's Day, but I digress. Today we celebrate the victory of the Mexican Army over the French in 1862, and maybe imbibe a refreshing adult beverage while we're at it. So of course the beer I'm reviewing isn't related at all. Let's take a look at the Billy Beard Maibock Beer.

He wore an onion in his belt, which was the style at the time.

Yee-Haw Brewing is based out of Johnson City, TN, and they've been around for a few years. They make a decent variety of beers, including a Dunkel that is fantastic, and many seasonal brews. Billy Beard is their Spring Seasonal offering, and frankly the packaging drew me in. Isn't it fantastic? Just absolutely screams "funky" and I love it. It's the kind of picture I would have wanted on my dorm ceiling when I attended college. Still, the label isn't everything, right? Let's crack it open. Figuratively anyway.

If it's brown, drink it down!

Well, it looks like beer, and it smells like beer. They claim it was brewed with honey, but I can't detect any in the aroma. The first sip is, well, it's like drinking from a bar mat. Full of unique flavors that are mostly all revolting, with a couple of actually decent tastes hiding somewhere in there. Maybe I just don't like Maibocks, but I did not care for this beer. It's got a bad sour taste going on that lingers on the tongue and punishes you for having dared to drink this. After a few quaffs, that feeling does go away and the beer becomes...well, not GOOD but it loses a lot of its sourness and settles into just being a mediocre beer. Like drinking a mid-range wheat beer without the orange slice. Funky, in a bad way. Sadly, once you start a new bottle that horrid taste returns for a few gulps. One thing it does have going for it is that it's pretty high gravity at 7.3%, which helps explain why I was able to finish the six pack. Hooray?

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 1 Frowny Face. It's beer, and it'll get ya nice and buzzed, but you have to sit thorough some awful flavors to get to "meh". It is absolutely not worth the effort to acquire, unless you are some sort of microbrewery completionist. The label is fuckin' rad though, and I want that as a poster for my den.