Kotas Reviews Lay's IHOP Rooty Tooty Fresh N' Fruity Potato Chips

 As the Season of Giving slowly comes to a close, it is a time to reflect on the things we cherish. Family, friends, incredibly weird food items, and of course, reviews! Occasionally in this line of work, I have requests from people. These requests are either verbal, via text, or in some very special cases, gifted via mail! Ladies and Gentlemen, let's take a look at Lay's IHOP Rooty Tooty Fresh N' Fruity potato chips.

It does exist!

Okay, I have a long history with The International House of Pancakes, colloquially known as IHOP. It was one of those places my mother used to love to go to for...whatever reason, and frankly, I was there for it. Sure, it's a slightly gussied up greasy spoon, but I love me some damn pancakes and all the breakfast that surrounds it. In fact, after quitting a job, I once drove to IHOP for all you can eat pancakes to soothe my soul. It worked! Anyway, why the hell is it now coming to me in chip form? Frito Lay, my dudes, y'all be smokin' the good stuff I fear. Never in the history of ever has anyone outside of the Frito Lay Flavor Lab thought that this was a GOOD idea. Still, it is one of those long shots where, IF you can pull it off, you will win the people's acclaim and fame forever. Let's open it up.

It's what I imagine the surface of Mars looks like, if it was made of potato chips.

I'm not sure exactly what I was expecting, but "lightly dusted with red flavor dust chips" is certainly what I should have expected. The bag proclaims it is "Strawberry Topped Pancakes with Syrup and Bacon" along with "A taste of breakfast anytime." And, you know? The Rooty Tooty Fresh N' Fruity was the go to order for my old Physics teacher back in high school, because he would have meetings of the Physics club at IHOP. Weird times. 

We here at Kotas Reviews are no stranger to dessert potato chips. Some are "fine", some are bad, and some are, well, still just "fine" I guess. Sugar and potatoes go together in strange ways. These are gonna be syrupy, strawberry, bacon flavored. Uh, down the fuckin' hatch I guess. 

Boy, that is certainly a flavor. The freeze dried strawberry flavor is what hits you, with a surprisingly sour initial note that fades into a sweeter version, then some maple-ish sweetness. The aftertaste is where you get a hint of something almost but not entirely unlike bacon and/or liquid smoke. The predominant flavor is that weird strawberry (which is definitely just freeze dried strawberries ground up into dust) sweet/sour hit, followed closely by just "potato". The more you eat of them, the less sour each bite becomes as you acclimate to this utterly bizarre flavor. It's not good. At all. But it is also not terrible. Mostly it is confusing as hell. I don't understand why you exist, chips. 

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 1 Frowny Face. You were pushed out into a world that never asked for you, and you performed as poorly as expected. But you weren't poison, so I guess that's something. 

Kotas Reviews I Believe In Santa Milk & Cookies Stout

 Hola Peeps. Been a while since I rapped at ya. Roughly 3 years, really. I'll tell ya, the last 5 years have been rough on the ol' Kotas Household down here in ReviewTown. Not been feelin' very funny for a long while, but maybe, maybe it's time for my triumphant comeback. Or maybe I just wanna get drunk. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's dive into I Believe In Santa Milk & Cookies Stout.

Santa's seen some shit.

I fucking love Christmas. However, it's also the hardest time of year for me these days because two years ago, my ever patient mother passed away, just a year and half after my father's passing, and that hit me really hard for a good while. The Depression Hole may be one of the hardest holes to climb out of, and while I'm not completely out of it, I'm in a much better place than I've been. So I got that goin' on. But enough about my troubles, let's talk about the beer.

Brewed by I Believe Brewing out of my old home town of Nashville, TN (with the world's most barebones website at ibelievebrewing.com), this is a hearty ho ho ho of a stout at 7% alcohol. I gotta say, the branding is on point with this one. It has that "college design project" styling with barebones, okay but not great artwork that lets you know that while they don't believe in using graphic designers, they still know how to have fun! Seriously though, it's got a simple charm about it that I kinda like, even if it ain't exactly the Mona Lisa of beer can art. Let's see what's inside!

I mean, yeah, that's a stout.

Yep, it sure is a stout alright. The aroma is malt with a hint of sweetness. Perhaps that is the "cookies" part of this milk & cookies stout? Let's give 'er a sip. Yep, that sure is a milk stout alright. It's pretty good overall, but definitely not my favorite. It's hard to go wrong with a milk stout, and I Believe In having drinkable beer, which this is. Taste is good, but not great. It's lacking some of that velvety smoothness like you would find in Left Hand's Milk Stout, and there's no cookie notes to speak of, so it's more like a Milk & LIES stout. Still, I'd drink it down without issue, and at 7% I might very well start believing in Santa before the six pack is done. 

On the FACE Rating System, I give it 1 Smiley Face. Better than fine, but not amazing by any standard. Solid. Dependable. Reliable. Like an elf dentist, or a reindeer who is ostracized for his differences before everyone embraces him again after he proves to his capitalist master that he can be Really Useful. I really gotta watch more Christmas Specials than Rudolph. 

Kotas Reviews the Arby's Rib Sandwich

 Uuuuuh...hi. Been a long time since I poked around in here. Honestly, it's been a pretty rough couple of years for me. Between well, EVERYTHING, and my own personal hardships, my mental state has been less than optimal. In June of this year, my father, disabled for many years due to a stroke, passed away. Dealing with that has taken a toll. All that said, there is daylight at the end of this long, stupid tunnel, and perhaps this blog post is one of the first steps out. Or maybe I was just SO FUCKING OFFENDED by a sandwich that I had to talk about it. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's dive into the Arby's Rib Sandwich.

This is from the Arby's website. Not representative of real life.

There have been a lot of food trends that have passed me by. The Age of Flavor is upon us still, despite all the insanity, and I must commend Arby's for trying to stand out from the crowd with something rarely offered: Ribs. We're still recovering from the Great Chicken Sandwich Wars of the 2020s, but Arby's just keeps on trying to keep our spirits up with its ridiculous concoctions. So let's talk ribs!

I'm a big fan of barbeque, and I'm a big fan of ribs. Rib-oriented food joints don't tend to do well (R.I.P. Smokey Bones...at least in my area) without also providing a fuller barbeque experience. Still, the only rib sandwiches I'd had previously were from weird hole in the wall barbeque joints that serve it surly and with a side of sass. Boy that shit is good. Sure, McDonald's has the "McRib", but it's more of a "rib inspired pork sandwich" than a real rib sandwich, right? This appears to be much more like the real deal. Let's eat!

It is a sad day indeed when I bite into a huge chunk of rib meat and realize that it Has. No. Flavor. Like, the meat is chewy nothing. There's texture, sure. It's even the texture of well cooked rib meat. But the flavor is just...absent. All I can taste is the barbeque sauce (which is fine) and the mayonnaise. The cheese might as well not even be there. The onion toppers are fairly good though, so kudos on Arbys for that. What a fucking huge disappointment this is, because the sandwich LOOKS amazing. Like a real rib sandwich. There is just NO FUCKING FLAVOR at all. What a waste of space this thing is.

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 2 Frowny Faces. It didn't poison me, but I never want to eat it again, and neither should you. To simulate the flavor, get a bun, slather it with mayo and BBQ sauce, then put some onion rings on it, and finally, tofu bits. Now you know exactly how this thing tastes. (Not that tofu is bad, just that without other flavors it adds nothing but texture.). DO NOT buy this. 

Kotas Reviews the KFC Firelog

 There is nothing more picturesque on Christmas Morning than stockings hung over a roaring fire in the fireplace. But what if the Yule Log also smelled of fried chicken? Is it the gift you didn't even know you wanted? Or is it a Krampus Miracle? Ladies and Gentlemen, on this very snowy Christmas Morning, let's take a look at the KFC Fire Log.

It Does Exist!

In case you haven't heard, the Marketing Team over at KFC has been huffing some serious paint, because they have had a number of super strange promotions. A computer that warms chicken for you while you play. Edible nail polish. Scented shoes. A full on Lifetime Mini-Movie. A freakin' DATING SIM which also has a DOG as a TEACHER. They have gone full on coo-coo bananas with this thing. Honestly? A scented fire log is probably not as crazy as some of this stuff. I mean, there are pine scented ones at the grocery store. But, lucky for you, my dozens of fans, I had my fireplace cleaned out and made ready for use this year, just in time for the holidays! It's gonna be a delicious kind of Christmas, right? 

Behold the Magnificence!

A very good friend of mine got me this as an early Christmas Gift and I can honestly say it was probably the best surprise of the season. Mostly because there is no way in hell I would have EVER guessed that THIS is what I was getting for Christmas. How does one even start here? Well, let's get through the basics. The KFC Firelog is just an Enviro-Log brand fire log heavily laced with the scent of KFC fried chicken. The box and paper covering are both covered in warnings to Please Do Not Eat, and while it is mostly a hilarious joke warning, the thing REALLY DOES smell exactly like KFC Fried Chicken. Down to the little bits of pepperiness you always smell with their chicken. If you leave it for a while, it does sort of permeate the room, but not overwhelmingly so. 

Burns pretty well, really.

It's an Enviro-Log, so it lights pretty readily, and burns nice and evenly. For a one log fire, it produced a lot of heat. The packaging says that the fried chicken smell will burn off fairly quick and thus not be present during the burning of the log. As the memes say, that was a fucking lie. It's not super strong, but all through the burning of the log I got a steady, pleasant aroma of KFC fried chicken. Honestly, it made me pretty hungry. Whatever chemical engineers they got to extract the KFC essence? They do amazing work. 

I'm not even sure what this resembles.

For all that 2020 has sucked the big fat one, this was a little dose of ridiculousness that I could put in my fireplace and enjoy. Not everything is extra crispy though. For one, the thing looks really weird as it burns. If you care about the aesthetics of the fire in your fireplace, you will be disappointed. Second it only burned for about 2.5 hours, whereas most commercial fire logs burn about 4. Still, stepping outside to take a picture of the snowfall and getting a nice whiff of that sweet chicken-y goodness? That's classic y'all.

All Good Things...

Much like the fire log, this review must come to an end. On the FACE Rating System, this gets a solid 2 Smiley Faces. I rather enjoyed the experience, and the log itself was pretty nice in my fireplace, even if it didn't last as long as I would have liked. My fireplace still smells faintly of fried chicken, though I suspect that will end once I burn another log in there. If you have a fireplace, or firepit, or some other place to burn things, get yourself one of these and have a chicken-y old time. From all of us here at Kotas Reviews Everything, we wish you a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, a Happy Kwanzaa, a Merry Yule, a Debauched Saturnalia, and a very solemn Life Day. 

Kotas Reviews Gingerbread Oreos....Again

 It's Christmas Eve everyone! What could be more Christmas-y on this night than Milk and Cookies! And what better cookies to leave out for a fat guy in a red suit than Oreos! Like, seriously roughly half their marketing budget goes to convincing children that, rather than hand made cookies filled with love, what Santa really wants is mass market sandwich cookies! And you know what? It's not necessarily wrong, given what a shill Santa is for Coca-Cola. So, let's talk Christmas Flavored Cookies, eh? Ladies and Gentlemen, let's dig into Gingerbread Oreos...Again

These are very different from the "Four Years Ago" edition.

You know, usually when Nabisco reissues an Oreo flavor, it's just the same thing again. Sometimes these reissues turn into regular flavors, such as with the Lemon and Mint Oreos. This is a much rarer re-release, because these gingerbread Oreos are completely unlike the ones from 4 years ago. Those were vanilla Oreos with gingerbread creme. These are gingerbread Oreos with "regular creme with bits". Literally the only thing they share is the name. The package here is much more interesting. The traditional Oreo blue and white, but with a lovely gingerbread house and a picture of the cookie itself. Looks good! But how does it look on the inside? Let's find out.

I always have a soft spot for little pictures on my cookies.

You know what? I like these cookies. They look great with the little "winter" designs on them. The "subtle" messaging continues since they have "Oreos for Santa" on at least one of them, and they smell like a pretty decent commercial gingerbread. Kudos on the look and odor. Still, how do they taste? Well, a lot like a frosted gingerbread cookie. I don't particularly like the "sugar bits" in the creme, because I hate gritty food, but it's not bad. Tastes a lot like commercial gingerbread cookies with icing. Which is pretty decent. A lot better than the last outing Nabsico.

One the FACE Rating System, this gets 2 Smiley Faces. Pretty good, but not something I would want outside of the Christmas Season. Miles beyond their last effort in this space though. If you like gingerbread cookies, go get these and enjoy them! I sure did.

Kotas Reviews Lay's Salted Caramel Chips

 Well, well, well, we're coming down to the end of the longest year in the history of time. There was an election, there's hopefully a vaccine on the way for the pandemic, and I've watched literally every Star Wars movie available. This past year has felt like a decade, and that's roughly how long its been since I wrote in this blog. Consider this my apology, but it's been real hard to be funny in these trying times. Still, the weird shit keeps getting made, and despite a very long lapse, here we are. Ladies and Gentlemen, today we take a look at Lay's Salted Caramel Potato Chips.

The pandemic has clearly driven the flavor makers mad.

You aren't seeing things, we've got an honest to Grinch dessert style potato chip. Now, the Salted Caramel craze has sort of passed us all by sometime..a couple of years ago, but hey, I can state that it is good to see attempts at innovation in the potato chip space beyond "sprinkle a slightly different salt on it". Not since the Cappuccino chips have we had anything close to this. I'm actually excited! Are you excited? Let's rip into 'em!

Well, they could be fancier.

Well, they ain't much to look at honestly. Just Lay's chips with some sort of extra dust on them, but not a lot of it. The smell though is a weird chemical caramel-ish scent that is honestly kind of off putting. Like, Willy Wonka was trying to solve his caramel shortage by making some faux caramel, and THIS is the result. Well, maybe it'll work as a flavor. 

Nope, it does not. This is the flavor of things that purport to have caramel in them, and do have some attempt at caramel, but honestly, it ain't caramel folks. It's tryin', but it's failin'. That said, it's not bad exactly, it's just amazingly not good. Off putting and weird is basically the only emotions eating these pulls from the wizened husk that is my heart. My 7 year old distained them, and my spouse passed on them after a few bites. I did finish the bag, but I would not ever buy these again. 

On the FACE Rating System, these get 2 Frownie Faces. They aren't good, by a country mile, but I can appreciate the attempt. A for Effort, D for Result. If you see this and you MUST try them, don't say I didn't warn ya.

Kotas Reviews Sour Patch Kids Chips Ahoy

Hola Peeps. Been a long while since I rapped at ya, probably around two months or so. It's been quite a time lately hasn't it? Fire, flood, murder hornets, hurricanes, earthquakes, long toilet paper lines, Leo-nard Bern-stein....it's kind of a mess is what I'm trying to say. Still, someone has to try and keep up morale. Unfortunately, they are all occupied with important work, so you've got my stupid food shenanigans. The terrible show should probably not, but still will, go on. Today we take a look at the culinary abomination known as the Sour Patch Kids Chips Ahoy. 

Man's Hubris, Writ as a Cookie

Sweet mother of Crap. Now, don't get me wrong. I love, love, LOVE me some Sour Patch Kids candy. It's basically heroin for sour candy lovers, and the flavors are all just as bold and ridiculous as they need to be to make the experience pleasant. As for Chips Ahoy, they're...fine. I'll eat them, but I really don't go out of my way to ever buy them or other wise acquire them. But what long strange trip was someone on that they felt that a SUPER POTENT SOUR FRUITY GUMMY CANDY was the perfect thing to include in a chocolate chip cookie? Ugh, let's get on with it.

The packaging is fine. It is exactly what I'd expect to see, a Frankenstein-esque mashing of two things that should never be put together. At least both components are properly represented, so props to that? Also, it appears that they at least took out the chocolate. Or maybe they just dyed the chips red for reasons known only to the monster that birthed this terrible, terrible thing. I'm going to guess that person's name was "Lavinia Whately". Let's open this up.

That Wretched Enemy of Life and Flavor

It's even worse than I imagined. The smell is of the worst artificial wax scent mixed with an awful stench that is probably supposed to be some kind of berry, but really just smells like the offspring of essential oils and Scrubbing Bubbles. The taste is "cookie" mixed with wax and chewy rubber, with a hint of citrus. There's an awful chemical flavor of sweetness that just overwhelms the taste buds in a really bad way, and the texture of the cookie clashes with the weird waxiness of the red chip things and the, well, gumminess of the gummy fragments that someone decided to embed in these. Augh. At least there is no lingering aftertaste. My palate clears this out with a quickness. My kid claimed to have liked them, but when offered three as an extra snack she TURNED IT DOWN. Not even the sweet obsessed young 'un went back for more. The real treason here is that there is exactly ZERO SOUR flavor at all. How do you fuck that up? These are Sour Patch Kids! Holy Hell!

On the FACE Rating System, these get 3 Frowny Faces. They aren't as bad as some things I've eaten, but good LORD these are just fucking terrible all around. There is no reason to ever buy this, unless you hate yourself, but I suppose if you are solely going to use them as a prank, they are non-toxic. That is probably the nicest thing I can say about them. Yuck.

Kotas Reviews Twinkies Cereal

Man, I don't know what is up with this new ad campaign from a crap beer is all about, but people are going nuts! Closing schools, shutting down businesses, I'm work from HOME now...I mean, all because of the "Corona, Buy Us" ad campaign? Sure, it's a little over the top but I just don't see why...wait, what? It's not an ad campaign? Virus? Huh.

Well, nevermind! The outside world is a godless hellscape littered with empty toilet paper rolls and empty hand sanitizer bottles, and I'm crouched in what passes for my home office trying to make sure that people can upload documents to a server. Also, Corona Beer still sucks! But we're not here to talk about that today. Today we have something very special for all of you stuck at home craving entertainment and some form of social contact (Which is tough titty for you, because DON'T FUCKIN' LEAVE YOUR HOUSE). Yes, the first official cereal of the apocalypse has arrived, and of course, it's Twinkie based. Ladies, Gentlemen, War Boys and Girls of all ages, let's take a long hard look at Twinkies Cereal.

Rule #1: Cardio

Not since Ice Cream Cones cereal has a product been less suited as a breakfast been placed on our soon to be empty store shelves. I mean, I've not shied away from many an unusual breakfast, such as: pizza, leftover pad thai, half a hamburger, an assortment of scraps from a veggie tray, and so forth, but never in all my days have snack cakes been a part of breakfast...UNTIL NOW.

The packaging basically looks like a Twinkie box, only with a bowl full of Twinkies Cereal (apparently being forcefully injected into the bowl, by the milk splash) the the arc of Post in green above it. That green really clashes with the rest of the aesthetic, in my opinion. Still, it gets the point across. Let's pour us some.

Cereal or packing material? #WhyNotBoth

Yeah, that looks like a bowl full of tiny Twinkies, it does. The smell is "super sweet vanilla and a hint of corn". The taste is...well, it is very very sweet. Like, super sweet. Sickeningly sweet. Very vanilla too, and the cereal pieces themselves are quite crunchy, even after a prolonged dunk in milk. There's just something very...off about the flavor for me. It's not terrible, but I find it off putting. Now, all snack cakes tend to have a bit of chemical-ish flavors to them, but this is that flavor severely ramped up. Maybe I can only taste it because I am now considered an Old? My kid loves the stuff. No accounting for taste, eh?

On the FACE Rating System I give this 1 Frowny Face. It doesn't taste much like a Twinkie, though it gets the "fake chemical" flavor down and ramps it up far more than anything should be. It's sweet enough to choke a unicorn. This may be the cereal for you, but I will fuckin' pass. I just wish I had a different cereal to endure Stephen King's The Sit Down with.

Kotas Reviews Lime and Jalapeno Ruffles

Hello Sports Fans, it's been a while hasn't it? Well, that's just how we roll on in today's cavalcade of flavor options churned out ceaselessly by Corporate Food Companies. Seriously, I can't even keep up with the onslaught of new and varied flavors of things anymore. Every time I go into the grocery store there is something new and different to try. Still, the occasional really interesting thing pops out, and that's what we have for today's experience. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's take a look at Lime and Jalapeno Ruffles.

I should probably know who Anthony Davis is, but this is the world we live in.

So for decades, athletes have been used for food advertising. For decades they've even had their faces on the packaging. However, this is absolutely the first time in my experience that a flavor was...uh...developed? Approved by? It says "By", so I'm going to assume Mr. Davis here came up with it. The packaging is spot on. Not only does it put the flavor front and center, the image of Anthony Davis is out of the way without being pushed aside. It's a delicate balancing act, but this pulls it off. Good job, Frito-Lay. Now, let's tear open this bag and see what we can see.

It ain't much, but it's honest flavor dust.

Yeah, yeah, this continues the tradition of Jalapeno flavored things generally having an underwhelming appearance. I mean, it's Ruffles with tiny green specks. Shocking, eh? The scent is exactly what you would expect. Fake-ish lime scent with some Jalapeno mixed in. Let's taste! First off, damn these things are spicier than I expected. Second, they are also damn good. Normally I don't like artificial lime flavoring, but either they've used a different one that I've tasted on other chips or the jalapeno essence they used just compliments it really well. Really strong lime flavor, big hit of pepper spice, and it fades fairly quickly if you let it. These are delicious, and the bag did not survive my household long.

On the FACE Rating System, these get 3 Smiley Faces. You really have to be in the mood for spicy lime flavor, but this thing delivers that flavor by the truck load, without being too much in either the lime or spice direction. Bravo Anthony Davis. If that whole basketball thing doesn't work out, perhaps you could be a Flavorgineer? 

Kotas Reviews Hot Cocoa M&Ms

Hello 2020! Looks like we finally made it to the next decade folks (except for you pendants out there who insist the next decade is next year. You can wait a year to party then) and it is NOTHING like what I envisioned. By this point I was sure I would be suffering from cyberpsychosis from too many implants, complaining about how terrible Jaws 19 had been 5 years ago, celebrating the 15th anniversary of the coming of Unicron, or possibly 3 years into the War with Skynet. Boy, aren't I disappointed? Well, there's one sure fire way to soothe my disappointed soul: Candy! And what better candy to ring in the new year than M&Ms! They are basically fat pills, and delicious. Of course, it is winter, so we should jazz it up a bit! THE FUTURE IS NOW! Ladies and Gentlemen, let's take a look at Hot Cocoa M&Ms.

Saucy.

So, I love a good hot chocolate. From the Swiss Miss packs of my youth, to full on melted chocolate and heavy cream, hot cocoa is absolutely delicious and incredibly warming to my palate. I don't often get to indulge in this, because it's kind of a pain in the ass even if you take short cuts, but I sure do love it when I get it. Santa must know me pretty well, since I got a whole BAG of these in my stocking this year! That was super thoughtful of him! Let's take a look!

Well, the packaging is on fleek. I think we can all agree that Mars has their marketing for these things down pat. I am a bit concerned about the presence of white chocolate. I'm not a fan of white chocolate, and I find its presence can actively detract from candy. Let's see if it is the case this time.

Well, that's not great

Well, the color palette is kind of okay, except for the weird tan ones. I guess that's supposed to be the hot cocoa diluted with whipped cream? I mean, eh? Whatever, all is forgiven if the candy is good. However, the candy isn't good. White chocolate, with some vaguely artificial marshmallow-esque flavoring, along with a hint of milk chocolate. It's not poison, but it's definitely not Hot Cocoa. The dominant flavor is White Chocolate, and then the other stuff really only comes through in the after taste. I can eat these, but I choose not to.

On the FACE Rating System these get 1 Frowny Face, mostly for disappointment. If you like white chocolate, these might be up your alley, but for me it only holds sadness and a feeling like I was lied to. Kind of like this year, actually.

Kotas Reviews Roasted Turkey Pringles

Just hear those sleigh bells ringing and jing-jing-jingling toooooo. Come on it's lovely weather for a really weird snack food revieeeeeeew! Happy Holidays everyone! We (well, I, but humor me) here at Kotas Reviews Everything recognize that things have been a lot quieter around these parts this year than usual. Part of that has been a step up in things that have taken time away from this fine vocation, and another part of it has been a lack of inspiration. It's one thing to be hilarious about food when "weird food" wasn't common, but nowadays? It's hard to come up with truly hilarious commentary when it seems every brand now has some variety of "wacky" flavor that is generally just bad. The (admittedly somewhat niche) market is also becoming a bit saturated as well, with YouTubers known for other things getting in on this action. Still, when I have a particularly good insight, I'll chime in with my thoughts and I do try to review everything my readers request. Mostly. But you ain't here to listen to me complain about getting old and fat are ya? Nope, let's have a peek at Roasted Turkey Pringles.

Every Day we move farther away from Colonel Sanders.

Well, it's finally happened. Someone FINALLY iterated on the poultry flavored snack food beyond "chicken" and "chicken-adjacent" flavors. My beloved spouse brought these home from a trip to the local Food Store(tm) and I immediately knew I had to say something about them. It's not like savory flavored chips haven't existed before, but much like the glorious Steak and Onion chips, these purport to inflict the consumer with a full on main course experience. Willy Wonka would be so proud! The artwork is basically perfect. Pringles logo and name prominently on the front, background is super on theme with the homey checker tablecloth and a big ol' roasted bird up front. On fleek, Kellogg. On fleek indeed. Let's pop and hopefully be able to stop!

Saaaaad trom-boooooone.

Well, I can't deny that I'm super disappointed in the presentation. There's nothing in the way of flavor dust to make these look like "special" Pringles. The scent is basically on point. Smelling like cafeteria roasted turkey. You know the smell, right? It's not super strong, but it is definitely there. The flavor is also fairly balanced. There's some potato flavor, and it takes a backseat to a rather disturbingly accurate roasted turkey flavor. Salty, savory, turkey with Pringles is what was promised, and exactly what was delivered. However, I don't know that it is a flavor I particularly enjoy. It's not bad, and lord knows the "poultry snack" market could use a good shaking up, but I don't think it is something I would ever ask for again. I wouldn't turn it down though.

On the FACE Rating System, these get 1 Smiley Face. They certainly deliver what was promised by the can, but like so many things in the world I don't think that is what I actually wanted. I'd eat them again certainly, but I wouldn't buy them. If you are super into Chicken-in-a-Biscuit, these will blow your freakin' mind though, and you should get them. This year, give the gift of Turkey! In Chip Format!

Kotas Reviews Cinnamon Coca-Cola

The soda flavor explosion continues to spread. So many different flavors of soda are coming out that I simply cannot keep up with them anymore. Also, I really shouldn't drink so much soda. Still, some products demand that I review them by their very existence. In fact, I didn't believe this was an actual real thing. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's take a look at Cinnamon Coca-Cola.

I honestly thought this was a joke product.

I first heard about this when a friend gushed enthusiasm about it. I initially dismissed it as mistaken naming, but I was soon corrected. Turns out, Cinnamon Coke is a thing and this person loves it. It was not until I saw it at my local lunch spot in the cooler that I truly acknowledged that it could exist. I mean, Pepsi Fire was a thing for a while. Could this be Coca-Cola's answer to that crappy product? Why would they want to duplicate failure? Still, whatever. Let's rock and or roll. The can is expertly designed. It's a Coke can, with some minor additional graphics and text to inform you what is different from regular Coke on it. Very understated, very cool. Let's crack it open.

Well, it looks like Coke. This will be good for pranking I predict. I mean, "spicy" soda just isn't really my thing, but we strive onward for Science. Oh. Oh no. I was completely wrong about this. This isn't spicy soda. This isn't spicy soda at all! The makers of this soda clearly took inspiration from the sweeter side of cinnamon than the spicy, as instead of being hot, this soda has the cinnamon that you find in a sweet roll rather then that of a Red Hot. Oh man, it compliments the cola flavor perfectly too. I think I love this soda! I need more.

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 3 Smileys. Holy shit this stuff is delicious. Put it in your drink chute immediately, then buy more and use it as a mixer. I have to stop myself from drinking this constantly and I think I like it at least as much as, if not more than, regular Coke. Get it. GET IT NOW!

Kotas Reviews the Nostalgia Hot Dog Toaster

As I age ungracefully, I find myself wisting for the days of my youth. When things were simpler, food was less fancy, and bills never loomed as an ongoing concern. A time of fireflies and lemonade. A time of Saturday Morning cartoons and Ralston movie themed cereals. You know, the 80s! Anyway, nostalgia is big business as of this, oh, past decade. You see it in clothing trends, TV show revivals, and weird movie sequels. One place I did NOT expect to see it was in kitchen appliances and gadgetry, but well, here we are. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's take a look at the Nostalgia Hot Dog Toaster.

Helpfully labeled so you know what idiotic thing you just purchased!

At some point in recent history, the "retro-future" look came into style. You know, sleek smooth curves with random raised stripes, fins, and all that Zeerust crap you saw on 1950s sci-fi magazine covers. Eventually this trend trickled down to things like mixers, coffee makers, and of course, the humble toaster. So naturally this eventually landed in the world of the "single use appliance". You know these things: quesadilla makers, egg boilers, bacon cookers, and all that other crap that people get to make a single thing convenient but it ends up just wasting time and space over regular pans and utensils. My granddad used to LIVE in this space, and his garage was full of these dang things. Enter the Hot Dog Toaster.

THE MAW AWAITS.

I first saw this as a link on some social media site, and I was instantly smitten. It is one of the most impractical devices ever conceived of by people, and it looks straight out of a 1950s kitchen. It cost about as much as a decent meal out, and hey, I've spent more on worse things, eh? What a glorious excess for my house! As you can see I went with the simple "two dog" model, though they make bigger ones that can cook 4 at once. It even toasts the bun! But, how does it work, really? 

An all American horror classic, really.

Turns out, it's mostly impractical but fun. There's a little wiener cage to hold the dogs in place, though they still kinda flop around. The bugs do go in, but ya gotta kind of, how you say, stuff them in? It's not a graceful appliance that's for sure. Still, does it actually work? The answer is "Yes, but..." As you can see above, the hot dogs do get cooked, though they tend to blacken a bit. The buns act much the same way, they get toasted, but there is always this rime of burnt carbon along the edge. To top it off, it's an absolute bitch to clean, though the removable drip tray and hot dog cage help with this. 

On the FACE Rating System, I give this a qualified 0 Faces. I personally love it as an art piece, but as a practical gadget it falls way flat. There are easier ways to warm ya dogs than this thing, especially in bulk. Still, I appreciate a good art object and everything it represents is hilarious and wonderful. I will certainly use this to make hot dogs again. I just wouldn't ask anyone to clean it for me. 

Kotas Reviews Trader Joe's Pumpkin Tortilla Chips

Well, it's definitely Fall for real now. Its coming was heralded by brisk mornings, having to dig out your jacket, and pumpkin spice flavored everything. It also leads to more gatherings where you can sit outside in comfortable clothes and nice weather. In fact, it was one such party which is directly responsible for the review you are about to read. A co-worker's spouse noted I had a blog, and a few days later I was presented with today's subject, courtesy of that lovely person. I am certainly not one to refuse such a humble request, and this item intrigued me. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's take a look at Trader Joe's Pumpkin Tortilla Chips.

Trader Joe has been hitting some weird shit lately.

Ah, Trader Joe's. They are the little gourmet grocery store that sort of can, since they carry a lot of what I would term 'quirky' foods and not very many mass market name brands. Still, I do love to get food from there is generally tasty. Fun fact, they are owned by Aldi's, which has been making some strides into my local area. Small world, eh? Whatever. Trader Joe's is known for its many many MANY self branded foods many of which have quirky names: Trader Joe Ohs being the name of their cereal brand. They also carry Charles Shaw wine, or "Two Buck Chuck" which is a cheap way to get wine drunk, even if it's more than two bucks these days. That brings us to today's offering.

The packaging is fairly plain, as is common for Trader Joe's stuff. Got the name of the store, the name of the product, and a photo of the actual product on the bag. Nothing too fancy, but I like honesty in packaging. These look like heavily spiced chips, and I predict they are sweet. Let's open it up!

Well, they aren't much to look at.

I'm not sure why tortilla chips needed ground pumpkin seeds added to the flour, or why it needed cinnamon and nutmeg spicing, but here we are in all our confusing glory. The scent upon opening the bag is distinctly Not Sweet, though there a touch of nutmeg and cinnamon in it. I guess they aren't meant to be sweet? The flavor is pretty much "corn chip", but with some extra nuttiness from the pumpkin seeds used and a subtle bit of nutmeg and cinnamon. There is zero sweetness here, but that's okay, it's mostly just a corn chip. The flavor isn't bad, it's just not particularly good either? It just sort of is. Corn chip with accent, if you will. I did like that on a few of the chips you can see fairly large pieces of pumpkin seed, so it's got that going for it.

On the FACE Rating System, these get 0 Faces. They are, in a word, chips. Eat them plain or with salsa if you like tortilla chips, avoid if you don't. The cinnamon and nutmeg flavors are there, but not really strong enough to make an impact. Much the same can be said for the pumpkin seed portion. It's there, but it's not spectacular, it's merely okay. Try them, or don't. 

Kotas Reviews the Impossible Whopper

Hello Everybody! It's been a while since I wrote here about stuff, but work's been a bear and the things I am reviewing are taking a lot longer to properly consume. Still, I did find some time for something interesting. In fact, I know a lot of people who are banking on this being the hot new trend. But, you know, we'll see, won't we? Ladies and Gentlemen, let's take a big ol' bite out of the Impossible Whopper.

Two all beef patties special sauce wait a sec...

Burger King was never my favorite fast food place growing up. Sure, they had the better quality food products, but as a wee lad I was more about the toy that came with the meal than the meal itself. As I got older, I came to appreciate the Whopper as a much better alternative to the Big Mac, but apart from their onion rings, Burger King's other offerings were "okay" at best. These days, the idea of 'flame grilled' sounds better than it used to, though I do not often indulge because Burger King is inconvenient to me. So how did I end up looking at this burger?

Road trips are not uncommon for me, and ever since Wendy's changed their fry supplier, I've been looking for better road trip food. This most recent trip my buddy convinced me this would not only be a good idea, but a fantastic idea. I admit that the whole concept of the Impossible Burger intrigued me, so I agreed to the meal. 

Impossible Foods was founded in 2011, and the Impossible Burger was initially rolled out to relatively upscale restaurants starting in 2016. In 2018, it started selling at White Castle, and the big push now is with Burger King, and the Impossible Whopper. Then there's little ol' me, picking up a Whopper just to see what it is like. Let's find out.

Yup. Looks like a Whopper all right.

Well, upon unwrapping the burger, it definitely looks like a standard Whopper. It mostly smells like one too, though there's a hint of nuttiness that is different. The taste? Well, on one hand, it's a Whopper. It's decent, as far as fast food burgers go, but it ain't fine dining. On the other hand...oh man, it tastes like a burger. Now, it doesn't taste exactly the same as a Whopper, but if this had been wrapped in a regular Whopper wrapper, the only thought that would have crossed my mind is "Huh, I guess they changed the seasoning or something." I even tried a bit of the burger by itself with nothing on it. It IS different from the beef patty in a Whopper, but not by a lot. It's a Whopper, and the quality ceiling on a Whopper isn't high, but damn if this basically fulfills that space. 

On the FACE Rating System, I give this Two Smiley Faces. Not so much because it is a Whopper (which is a decent yet unexciting fast food burger) but because this meatless Whopper very closely resembles the meat-ful Whopper. If every fast food joint suddenly switched to these type of patties, I bet most people wouldn't care. Damn fine job Impossible Foods. Now, figure out how to make me a steak and we'll be in business!

Kotas Reviews LucioOhs

It is a new golden age of cereal production, I think. There are literally hundreds of brands of cereal, and almost every type now has at least two or three variations of it. There are 15 types of Cheerios alone...no, wait, 16. Blueberry just got released it seems. Anyway, what is generally lacking is a vast assortment of licensed cereal properties. Oh sure, the occasional Limited Edition run of something like Star Wars will pop up for a few weeks when the movies are released, but Ralston cereals were on the shelves for YEARS, only changing the packaging as things were released. So imagine my surprise when I saw a new cereal on the shelves...and watched it remain for months, rather than weeks. Ladies and Gentlemen, today we look at LucioOhs.

Let's BREAK IT DOOOOWN!

Oh, Overwatch. Since its release in 2016, Overwatch has become a global phenomenon in the video game world. It brought a polish to the team shooter not seen since Valve was still making video games and has ridden a wave of success ever since. It's got a huge eSports scene (funded heavily by Blizzard Activision), brings in loads of cash with its loot box system (which it popularized), and has inspired a particularly ridiculous amount of pornographic fan art. Now it's also a cereal I guess?

Well, the box art is on point for sure. This is some classic early 90s style promotional cereal artwork right there. Lucio is one of my favorite characters from Overwatch, so I'm glad to see him get some spotlight. I do have to question the actual name of the cereal. Lucio-Ohs? Really? That's like a parody name, what with the double O construction. Luci-Ohs would have been cleaner. But who cares about that, let's get to the cereal!

I'm honestly surprised they didn't go with a chocolate flavor. It's for the best, really.

The cereal itself looks a lot like Froot Loops. It smells heavily of vanilla, and that is also reflected in the taste. The coloring is just for looks, being Lucio's primary skin theme of green and yellow. It's very sweet, but not tooth hurtingly sweet. The vanilla and corn flavors go quite well together. Hey, this is pretty good! You really don't see too many takes on the vanilla flavored cereal, so it is nice that this does it well. I think I like this. Huh!

On the FACE Rating System, I give this one 2 Smiley Faces. You might even say that this is my jam, at least some of the time. I even picked up a second box, and since my kid loves it, probably a third. If you like vanilla, and really want it in a sweetened cereal unmarred by other flavors, this is the cereal for you. Just don't expect it to help you actually be good at Overwatch.

Kotas Reviews Hardee's Froot Loops Doughnuts

As the father of a 1st grader, fast food restaurants feature prominently in our regular "going out to eat" rotation. I'm not proud of that fact, but my child genuinely enjoys going to various fast food joints to eat mass produced culinary crimes against humanity. To be fair, so do I as my regular reader can tell you. Thus whenever a new "gimmicky" thing comes about, I do my best to give it a whirl. Especially the desserts. Ladies and gentlemen, let's take a look at Hardee's Froot Loop Doughnuts.

Gloriously colored!

It's no secret that I love doughnuts. This blog has a number of doughnut related entries over the...7 years I've been writing here. Further, I also love a good bowl of cereal, enjoyed as a dinner experience as often as it is breakfast. So when Hardees announced they were putting these two things together, I rushed right out and...totally missed the first time this was offered. In August of 2018, this item hit the streets and I...didn't. I couldn't tell you why I didn't immediately seek it out, since I happen to enjoy Froot Loops, but it didn't happen. Luckily for me, one of my friends tipped me off that it was headed back to stores and lo and behold, I was finally able to find it again! My gain is your...gain? I guess? Whatever, onto the review!

A less flattering arrangement.

Sadly, my local Hardees did not put these in the special box that were advertised, but I'll be honest, it is precisely the kind of box you'd expect Froot Loops doughnuts to come in. Opening this inferior yet still serviceable box I was immediately struck with the overwhelming scent of Froot Loops cereal. Boy howdy did they get that right. The flavor of each doughnut, while they look like they should be different ones, is exactly like a doughnut laced with Froot Loops flavoring. Each color tasted the same as every other color, just like real Froot Loops. I mean, it is truly amazing how they distilled that flavor into doughnut form. However, the doughnut portion of this is where it kinda falls apart. For it does taste of Froot Loops, but it tastes of STALE Froot Loops. I don't know if it is endemic to the whole line or just my particular serving, but these were not soft and delightful doughnuts. They were instead stale, crumbly doughnuts that also carried a perfect Froot Loop flavor. The mouth feel is of eating stale bread, and not great, despite the overwhelming sweetness of the Froot Loop essence. They were, at best, "okay". 

On the FACE Rating System, these get 1 Frowny Face. Kudos to Hardees for being able to absolutely replicate the smell and flavor of Froot Loops for a doughnut, but 50 DKP minus for the doughnut itself being completely sub par. I think that if these were fresh, they would be much, MUCH better. If you think your particular outlet of Hardees/Carl Jr's would have them fresh, definitely try them. If, like me, you have no confidence in this fact, don't bother. Just go eat a box of Froot Loops and weep for what could have been. 

Kotas Reviews Shades of Nightfall

Hola peeps! Been a while since I rapped at ya, but the summer has been very good at keeping me distracted from what is really important: Bitching about products! Luckily, today I bring to you something particularly interesting. It's not even food! Ladies and Gentlemen, today we take a look at Shades of Nightfall.

It almost matches my coffee table!

It's not really a secret that I enjoy the Dungeons and/or Dragons from time to time, along with other games in that genre. I've been a fan of this style of gaming for...well, probably around 3 decades at this point. As such, I was immersed in this subculture during the Great Gaming Shift of the early 90s, which saw a minor revolt against the stodgy tables and charts of old school RPGs and led to some new, more story based games. The bannerfolk leading this charge were the people of White Wolf, with their legendary game Vampire: The Masquerade. It seems sort of trite now, but the focus on storytelling and getting into your character's head being not only allowed, but actively encouraged in the rulebook was a breath of fresh air that did in fact revolutionize an industry. Coupled with the darker, more mature themes it was a huge success and spawned sister games such as Mage: The Ascension and Wraith: The Oblivion, as well as numerous imitators and rip offs. It was kind of a big deal is what I'm saying. From this torrent was also released one of the first mass market rules sets for a new fangled type of role playing: Live Action Role Playing. Mind's Eye Theater was born, and with it its own host of imitators and rip offs. Our journey today takes us deep into the heart of someone's idea of "I can do better". Let's open the book on Shades of Nightfall.

I've been LARPing for two decades (man that is depressing to think about) though the vast majority of my experiences were outside of the type of game we have today. Shades of Nightfall is solidly in the realm of the Salon style LARP, played in night clubs, warehouses, and even people's homes. If you are interested in more detail about LARPs in general, and the different types, I'm not going to get in depth on those topics, so you might seek out more information. Heck, you might even find a game near you! Still, let's do a bit of setup. The Mind's Eye Theater rules are a streamlined version of the White Wolf Table top system. You have Attributes like Strength and Wits rated in "dots" that are ranked from 1 to 5 dots, and Skills like Driving or Medicine rated in the same manor. To overcome challenges that require use of on character sheet stats (as opposed to ones you can just "do"...it is Live Action Role Playing after all), you entered into a series of "rock-paper-scissors" challenges against your opponent (or a referee if it was against 'the world') where more "dots" overall gave you a greater chance of success via "more tries". However, it is absolutely possible for someone who has super amounts of "dots" to fail miserably because they always throw "rock". Some people don't like that. And then they go and write their own system. With Blackjack! And Hookers!  You know what, forget the blackjack. So...Shades of Nightfall.

From a production standpoint, this book is pretty good. The glossy cover, while not fantastic, is definitely on the higher end of mid 90s small print run work. The pages are clear, with some typical "90s edgy" line art. You know, the kind where the boobs are only "just" covered by vines or a moon or whatever, but there's tasteful blood and such too. For a presumably small print run, Shades of Nightfall is slick. Published in 1995, a full 2 years after Mind's Eye Theater, you can definitely tell that it is "in the style of, but oh so unique from" the World of Darkness as presented in that line of books. This will probably been the last nice thing I say about this book. Hold onto your butts folks, it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

That's some high quality 90s rulebook boobage right there.

Shades of Nightfall takes place in a Reality darker than our own, called uh...the Dark Reality. Totally not a world, perhaps made of darkness. No siree Bob. Within the Dark Reality, many supernatural beings make their way in the night: Vampires (covered here), Fallen Angels, Witches, and Ghosts. This is of course very different from other worlds that have vampires, werewolves, mages, and wraiths. Very different. Mostly because characters in Dark Reality don't have nearly as many stats! Characters in the Dark Reality (at least, vampire characters) are defined by their number of Dynamic Power Points. Mere mortals might call this a "Build Total", but DPP are what we call it here. The other big stat is Current Dynamic Point Total, or CDPT, which is a measure of health and well being, and starts off equal to DPP at every event...I think. Anyway, what do you do with all those DPP? Why, you buy Powers! Supernatural Powers. SO MANY FUCKIN' POWERS Y'ALL.

So, powers are grouped up based on a 5 x 5 grid that consists of five different...areas of influence I guess? Maybe just "relatively logical groupings"? Jeez. The list is: Imperceptual (sic), Beast, Mind & Heart, Storm, and Shadow. Whatever. Each square on the grid represents a combination of these areas like Storm and Shadow, or Mind & Heart and Imperceptual, resulting in 20 combinations and 5 "pure" areas where each one matches up with itself. Within each block, there are 5 levels of power (Circle, Triangle, Diamond, Heart, Star), and three sub ranks within each power: Blue, Red, and Black. Honestly, the Blue and Red are just white and grey in this black and white printed book. Only 49 more shades to get some crap eroticism to add to your crap world building! Did I mention the world building? No? Because THERE ISN'T ANY, or rather what is there is generic and boring, with only a few scraps of interesting stuff amongst the Gothic Dark Darkness. But I'm getting off track. Each power must be purchased in sequence, with all sub ranks of a particular level purchased before opening up the higher levels. Powers gain boosts called, amazingly enough, "gains" based on the number of higher level powers of that sub rank you have. So, if you have the Blue Circle power of, say, Mind & Heart and Shadow, you can invoke Sudden Fear, which means your target cannot act against you (or someone you designate) for the duration, but if you also have the Blue Triangle power in this line, you gain a longer duration and another use per day. Other powers merely widen the types of targets you can affect based on the number of "gains" you have. All told, there are 375 individual powers. No, that isn't a typo, there are 375 distinct powers, ranging from "grow claws" to "put someone in a vortex of emotion permanently, so that they will always and forever hate or love a thing you choose". Yeah, I'm gonna need more booze.

These powers, presumably, are meant to emulate various "traditional" powers of the vampire from lore and myth (and other, better games) but man there are SO MANY that are so WEIRD. One power lets you summon shadow creatures that act as your minions, and have a DPP total of like, 1/4th of yours. Did I mention this is FUCKING LARP? And a Salon Style one at that! I want to know what vampire myths have the Lord of Darkness over there summoning Shadow Mooks based on his or her own power level! I'm sure there are some, but I don't think it works out too well at a damn Larp! This whole section (most of the book, really) smacks of someone having a great idea of how to organize stuff and then really stretching to fill out a power list. This could have been heavily chopped down without really impacting play I feel. It has a lot of options, which I guess is nice but I personally found it ridiculous and overwhelming. You get 30 DPP to start. That's enough for 2-3 powers at most. And you have access to 25 to 75 distinct powers to pick from, many of which lead to interdependencies that make little sense. Why does having ranks in Beast & Nature let you be immune to a Mind Control power? Dunno, balance? There are a lot of this kind of thing too, where having a specific power from one path makes you flat out immune to a specific power in another path. It's confusing and kind of boring to pick through.

There is a bit of world building, but most of it is meh. Typical "supernatural society actually rules the world" stuff that's Totally Original, but also barely touched on. Vampire society is given a bit more space. So, each Vampire generates around themselves a "Zone of Supernatural" called the Knowing. This is pretty tiny at first, but as they get more powerful, and/or join up with other vampires, this area increases. A pack of vampires (called a Coven here for some damn reason or another) gains some benefits from hunting on its home turf. These packs jostle for position and influence. Really old and powerful vampires tend to have sway over these groups, but they really don't like each other, seeing their peers as rivals. Is any of this new and interesting yet? Other then that, there isn't much social structure. Vampires don't have an overarching set of Rules or anything like that, with power being literally "who controls the most territory and has the most power". It's pretty thin really. Not a lot of meat on dem bones.

The actual rules are very, very simple: If you can do it, do it, or if in a combat scene, if you declare it, and no one can oppose you (usually via Power use), you can do it. Participants are ranked according to a calculated Reaction Speed stat, but that's it. If I say I can hit Bob, and Bob doesn't have a dodge or countering power, Bob gets hit. Actions are declared in reverse Reaction Speed order, with slower participants declaring first and faster ones declaring after. Resolution is in Reaction Speed order, of course, and any actions that become invalid due to previous actions are just nullified and not done. If a participant can take multiple actions, these are done after the first set, declared and resolved as above. For example, let's take Alice and Bob and Chris. Alice has a Reaction Speed of 1, Bob has 3, and Cindy has 4. Bob can take two actions. A round goes like this. Alice declares, Bob declares, Cindy declares. Cindy acts, Bob acts, Alice acts. Bob declares. Bob acts. Next round. Powers can heavily modify Reaction Speed, number of actions, and being able to move out of the way of something or shield it, or "act before someone, even if Reaction Speed says otherwise". It's not a terrible system, but slower folk are almost always going to end up "not doing the thing" because people who go before them will nullify so much. It will also rely heavily on Referee fiat to resolve nebulous things. I haven't seen it used, but the system leaves me feeling somewhat concerned about balance. I don't like it is what I'm saying here. Damage comes in 3 Flavors: Normal, Execrated (supernatural), and Consecrated (Supernatural, but also antithetical to vampires specifically). Normal and Execrated are listed as flat numbers, Consecrated tends to be in "Percentage of DDP". Powers let you deal or absorb or heal Damage from various sources, and combat seems like it's pretty lethal, even for fairly high DPP vampires. Indirectly, this would enforce a paradigm of "talk before fight". I don't think it was intentional, but uh, that's probably good for a salon LARP.

The absolute worst thing about this is the attitude that exudes from the pages. From the back cover to the last page, the author (Patrick Ellison) seems to think he is causing a revolution in gaming, rather than a failed attempt at an evolution. From the back cover: "An alternative live-acton vampire system designed specifically for live action roleplaying. This is not a clumsy adaptation of a table top game. In opposition to the gross commercialization (wait, SERIOUSLY? Dude, what are you smoking, because I want some) of roleplaying games, Shades of Nightfall is complete in this book; there are no other supplements needed to become a vampire in the world of Dark Reality" It's amazing how much purple shines through that prose given it's red text on black. Someone thought they were really Sticking It To The Man with this one, eh? Which is hilarious given that the whole schtick (ha!) of White Wolf was that THEY were sticking to the Man (of TSR and Games Workshop and such). The whole book is full of these little jabs and it's really freakin' annoying. In the words of the late Han Solo "Great kid, don't get cocky."

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 3 Frowny Faces. It's bad enough that your reaction to a somewhat clunky tabletop adaptation was basically "Marshal Fiat, but with lists of powers", but forcing me to read THREE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY FIVE power descriptions in a book saturated with smugness really chaps my ass. I actually DO recommend people read it, but I DON'T recommend anyone go out of their way to buy it. Truly a monument to one man's hubris this is, but even so I grudgingly give some credit: Mr. Ellison had a vision and pushed it out into the world, which is more than I've done, and he did it in a time when small print runs you could get online were even  a thing. Other then that, Mr. Ellison, you are bad and you should feel bad. Get down off your high horse and maybe think before you write next time. Oh. Oh no. Another book in this series was published apparently. Shades of Divinity, covering Fallen Angels. I AM NOT PREPARED!