Wednesday, August 28, 2019

Kotas Reviews LucioOhs

It is a new golden age of cereal production, I think. There are literally hundreds of brands of cereal, and almost every type now has at least two or three variations of it. There are 15 types of Cheerios alone...no, wait, 16. Blueberry just got released it seems. Anyway, what is generally lacking is a vast assortment of licensed cereal properties. Oh sure, the occasional Limited Edition run of something like Star Wars will pop up for a few weeks when the movies are released, but Ralston cereals were on the shelves for YEARS, only changing the packaging as things were released. So imagine my surprise when I saw a new cereal on the shelves...and watched it remain for months, rather than weeks. Ladies and Gentlemen, today we look at LucioOhs.

Let's BREAK IT DOOOOWN!
Oh, Overwatch. Since its release in 2016, Overwatch has become a global phenomenon in the video game world. It brought a polish to the team shooter not seen since Valve was still making video games and has ridden a wave of success ever since. It's got a huge eSports scene (funded heavily by Blizzard Activision), brings in loads of cash with its loot box system (which it popularized), and has inspired a particularly ridiculous amount of pornographic fan art. Now it's also a cereal I guess?

Well, the box art is on point for sure. This is some classic early 90s style promotional cereal artwork right there. Lucio is one of my favorite characters from Overwatch, so I'm glad to see him get some spotlight. I do have to question the actual name of the cereal. Lucio-Ohs? Really? That's like a parody name, what with the double O construction. Luci-Ohs would have been cleaner. But who cares about that, let's get to the cereal!

I'm honestly surprised they didn't go with a chocolate flavor. It's for the best, really.
The cereal itself looks a lot like Froot Loops. It smells heavily of vanilla, and that is also reflected in the taste. The coloring is just for looks, being Lucio's primary skin theme of green and yellow. It's very sweet, but not tooth hurtingly sweet. The vanilla and corn flavors go quite well together. Hey, this is pretty good! You really don't see too many takes on the vanilla flavored cereal, so it is nice that this does it well. I think I like this. Huh!

On the FACE Rating System, I give this one 2 Smiley Faces. You might even say that this is my jam, at least some of the time. I even picked up a second box, and since my kid loves it, probably a third. If you like vanilla, and really want it in a sweetened cereal unmarred by other flavors, this is the cereal for you. Just don't expect it to help you actually be good at Overwatch.

Monday, August 5, 2019

Kotas Reviews Hardee's Froot Loops Doughnuts

As the father of a 1st grader, fast food restaurants feature prominently in our regular "going out to eat" rotation. I'm not proud of that fact, but my child genuinely enjoys going to various fast food joints to eat mass produced culinary crimes against humanity. To be fair, so do I as my regular reader can tell you. Thus whenever a new "gimmicky" thing comes about, I do my best to give it a whirl. Especially the desserts. Ladies and gentlemen, let's take a look at Hardee's Froot Loop Doughnuts.

Gloriously colored!
It's no secret that I love doughnuts. This blog has a number of doughnut related entries over the...7 years I've been writing here. Further, I also love a good bowl of cereal, enjoyed as a dinner experience as often as it is breakfast. So when Hardees announced they were putting these two things together, I rushed right out and...totally missed the first time this was offered. In August of 2018, this item hit the streets and I...didn't. I couldn't tell you why I didn't immediately seek it out, since I happen to enjoy Froot Loops, but it didn't happen. Luckily for me, one of my friends tipped me off that it was headed back to stores and lo and behold, I was finally able to find it again! My gain is your...gain? I guess? Whatever, onto the review!

A less flattering arrangement.

Sadly, my local Hardees did not put these in the special box that were advertised, but I'll be honest, it is precisely the kind of box you'd expect Froot Loops doughnuts to come in. Opening this inferior yet still serviceable box I was immediately struck with the overwhelming scent of Froot Loops cereal. Boy howdy did they get that right. The flavor of each doughnut, while they look like they should be different ones, is exactly like a doughnut laced with Froot Loops flavoring. Each color tasted the same as every other color, just like real Froot Loops. I mean, it is truly amazing how they distilled that flavor into doughnut form. However, the doughnut portion of this is where it kinda falls apart. For it does taste of Froot Loops, but it tastes of STALE Froot Loops. I don't know if it is endemic to the whole line or just my particular serving, but these were not soft and delightful doughnuts. They were instead stale, crumbly doughnuts that also carried a perfect Froot Loop flavor. The mouth feel is of eating stale bread, and not great, despite the overwhelming sweetness of the Froot Loop essence. They were, at best, "okay". 

On the FACE Rating System, these get 1 Frowny Face. Kudos to Hardees for being able to absolutely replicate the smell and flavor of Froot Loops for a doughnut, but 50 DKP minus for the doughnut itself being completely sub par. I think that if these were fresh, they would be much, MUCH better. If you think your particular outlet of Hardees/Carl Jr's would have them fresh, definitely try them. If, like me, you have no confidence in this fact, don't bother. Just go eat a box of Froot Loops and weep for what could have been.