Kotas Reviews Twinkies Cereal

Man, I don't know what is up with this new ad campaign from a crap beer is all about, but people are going nuts! Closing schools, shutting down businesses, I'm work from HOME now...I mean, all because of the "Corona, Buy Us" ad campaign? Sure, it's a little over the top but I just don't see why...wait, what? It's not an ad campaign? Virus? Huh.

Well, nevermind! The outside world is a godless hellscape littered with empty toilet paper rolls and empty hand sanitizer bottles, and I'm crouched in what passes for my home office trying to make sure that people can upload documents to a server. Also, Corona Beer still sucks! But we're not here to talk about that today. Today we have something very special for all of you stuck at home craving entertainment and some form of social contact (Which is tough titty for you, because DON'T FUCKIN' LEAVE YOUR HOUSE). Yes, the first official cereal of the apocalypse has arrived, and of course, it's Twinkie based. Ladies, Gentlemen, War Boys and Girls of all ages, let's take a long hard look at Twinkies Cereal.

Rule #1: Cardio

Not since Ice Cream Cones cereal has a product been less suited as a breakfast been placed on our soon to be empty store shelves. I mean, I've not shied away from many an unusual breakfast, such as: pizza, leftover pad thai, half a hamburger, an assortment of scraps from a veggie tray, and so forth, but never in all my days have snack cakes been a part of breakfast...UNTIL NOW.

The packaging basically looks like a Twinkie box, only with a bowl full of Twinkies Cereal (apparently being forcefully injected into the bowl, by the milk splash) the the arc of Post in green above it. That green really clashes with the rest of the aesthetic, in my opinion. Still, it gets the point across. Let's pour us some.

Cereal or packing material? #WhyNotBoth

Yeah, that looks like a bowl full of tiny Twinkies, it does. The smell is "super sweet vanilla and a hint of corn". The taste is...well, it is very very sweet. Like, super sweet. Sickeningly sweet. Very vanilla too, and the cereal pieces themselves are quite crunchy, even after a prolonged dunk in milk. There's just something very...off about the flavor for me. It's not terrible, but I find it off putting. Now, all snack cakes tend to have a bit of chemical-ish flavors to them, but this is that flavor severely ramped up. Maybe I can only taste it because I am now considered an Old? My kid loves the stuff. No accounting for taste, eh?

On the FACE Rating System I give this 1 Frowny Face. It doesn't taste much like a Twinkie, though it gets the "fake chemical" flavor down and ramps it up far more than anything should be. It's sweet enough to choke a unicorn. This may be the cereal for you, but I will fuckin' pass. I just wish I had a different cereal to endure Stephen King's The Sit Down with.