Kotas Reviews Choco Chip Oreos

Here at Kotas Reviews, we often see food that is flavored like "more different" food. Cookies that taste of ice cream. Ice cream that tastes of bacon. Admiral Crunch. However, it is not often that we get a food that is trying to disguise itself as one of its peers. Ladies and gentlemen, today we have a gander at Choco Chip Oreos.

Because you knew it was Oreos. It was ALWAYS Oreos.

I'm not even sure where to begin here. I actually enjoy cookies like Chips Ahoy and other mass market chocolate chip cookies. They do not hold a candle to their homemade counterparts, but much like Hostess Cupcakes, they sort of fall into their own category of treat that satisfies a certain ineffable desire to eat artificial flavoring. Chips Ahoy was always my favorite of the "mass produced" cookie, because it was not that weird fake soft type of cookie that just overflows with "this was made in a laboratory" overtones, rather than the more subtle nuance of the simple, yet crumbly, Chips Ahoy cookie. So what the FUCK is Oreo trying to do here? "It's a cookie! That tastes like a different kind of cookie!" I mean, it's certainly unexpected, and not nearly as lazy as some previous efforts, but did anyone ask for this? When I go to eat an Oreo, the very LAST thing I think is "I wish this tasted like a Chips Ahoy" because if that were true I would just GO EAT A CHIPS AHOY. Anyway...the packaging is exactly what you'd expect, with a "no really, just a generic cookie and not a Chips Ahoy" in the background and an accurate image of the cookie within the bag. The "easy open" tab is also there, which is good. Let's easy open it up!

Pretty much what I imagined it to look like.

They certainly smell like Chips Ahoy cookies, mixed with a bit of Oreo-ish-ness as well. The look is pretty nice, the creme being about what I expected, but the real surprise is the cookie itself, which is speckled with dark brown swirls that looks like they threw in some "choco-chips" to the cookie dough part. You get an A on the look, Nabisco. Let's taste 'em!

Yeah, they taste like a mash up of Oreo and Chips Ahoy, with the Chips Ahoy part mostly in the flavor, and the Oreo part mostly in the texture. It is exactly what I would imagine a mash up of these two cookies would be like, which is good. My big question is why bother? Nabisco owns the two biggest brands in each of their respective category (Oreo - Sandwich Cookie::Chips Ahoy - Chocolate Chip Cookie), so it's not like you are stealing customers from a competitor. Maybe they are trying to get some crossover appeal for people who only like one or the other? It is a mystery.

On the FACE Rating System, these get 0 Faces. There is nothing wrong with them, but I have exactly no reason to ever eat them when I could instead just go get the actual cookie I want to eat. They don't taste bad, but they are a more expensive way to enjoy a different style of cookie that maybe you aren't used to. My suggestion in that case is just "go buy a bag of the other cookie". Maybe next time, Nabisco. Maybe next time.

Kotas Reviews Calbee

Today we dip back into the Mystery Box for spooky treats from beyond the pale...or at least treats we don't really have in this part of the world. Seems the world over loves crunchy snacks, and this one purports to be...well, why don't we just get started with Calbee...whatever the hell this is.

Canadian Bacon and Asparagus, the Snacking Duo I Never Expected!

Yeah, I don't know what this is. It has a little giraffe person on it that seems cute enough. Honestly, at first I thought this might be some form of instant noodle soup, but then I noticed the picture of the vaguely "hot fry" looking things and dared open it. I tried to glean information from the lid, but to no avail for I am an ignorant soul.

Well, I did learn that I shouldn't microwave it.

Every culture has a different flavor profile for snack food that is generally tailored to either an every day flavor or an exotic one. Of course, such things vary and in this case...ham and asparagus. Not really a flavor I look for when snacking, but hey, I suppose it fits the exotic category for everyone. Let's open this thing up!

Vastly underwhelming.

I can honestly say I was not expecting it to look like someone took Andy's Hot Fries, stripped off the "hot" and replaced it with random flecks of green and red. Still, I am a fan of potato stick type snacks, so how bad could it be? Well let me tell you how bad it can be. First, a positive. These things have tremendous amounts of crunch. Now for the rest of it. These things do, in fact, vaguely taste like asparagus and ham. Old nasty dried up asparagus and slightly off, shriveled up ham. It's not "spit out bad", unlike some other things I've tried, but it isn't the most pleasant of flavors. Thankfully both flavors are pretty muted compared with the overwhelming taste of whatever these things are mostly made of. Corn maybe? It isn't much like other corn snacks. It's not much of anything, yet somehow this overwhelming non-flavor mutes the other flavors so that you don't taste much of them. 
On the FACE Rating System, these get 2 Frowny Faces. I find the mix of flavors to be less than enchanting, but the odd anti-flavor that the sticks themselves have is off putting. Visually, they aren't very appealing, and while they are super duper crunchy, I think I can find a better flavor combination than this sad sack of fail. Not recommended unless you REALLY like old asparagus and ham bits, I guess. Bleah. The good Mystery Box Giveth, the good Mystery Box Taketh Away.