Kotas Reviews Bang Black Cherry Vanilla

Well, it's been a loooong while since I posted something, because of a wide variety of things that have impeded my time. Still, it is my fondest hope that it is all behind me and I can start anew! So of course I had to have an energy drink for all of this. Lo and behold, Bang once again rears its chemical head. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's have a gander at Bang Black Cherry Vanilla.

The color scheme is on point at least.

Who would have ever thought a product most certainly not named after a They Might Be Giants song would warrant three separate reviews, eh? Not this little reviewer, that's for sure. Still, I bought multiple cans initially and they all had to get used at some point. Might as well be now. After the last review of Bang's products, this one is pretty mundane. Logo prominently placed, color scheme isn't jarring. The flavor name is actually a flavor that can be identified. This whole thing is a big step up from Rainbow Unicorn. Let's crack it open.

Still clear for reasons I cannot understand

Well, not much to say here. The beverage is still clear as glass. I get it was probably never envisioned as being consumed outside the can, but even Red Bull has SOME color to it when you pour it out. The fact that it is clear just bugs me on some sort of fundamental level. The scent is super artificial cherry with some vanilla extract overtones, and the taste itself backs that play with a vengeance. Further, the aftertaste is that bizarre chemical flavor that almost all 'energy drinks" have at least some of, but man is it strong. It is much more tart than many "cherry" flavored drinks, and it has some sort of awful artificial sweetener in it. I'll give it this though, it tastes mostly like what it says it tastes like. It will still give your body a kick in the teeth and wake you up, but not in a good way. 

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 1 Frowny Face. It's not good exactly, but it is pretty much what it says it is. If I were desperate to wake up, pounding down one of these isn't the worst way to pep yourself up, but I would probably pick something else if I could. If you are curious, pick one up, but it's not worth going out of your way for.

Kotas Reviews Mexican Jalepeno Peanut M&Ms

I suppose some people never learn a lesson. No matter how much you try and teach them a thing, all you get is a vague nod and then six months later they do the exact same thing wrong, again. One can only shake one's head at it, and either give up, or try again, hoping for a different outcome. Well call me stupid, because here I go again. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's dive in to Mexican Jalepeno M&Ms.

Thanks, I hate it.

This is not the first time Mars has come out with a spicy peanut M&M, but I guess it's been three years and they needed something as filler for their latest promotion, which is "International" flavors. Now, jalepenos make sense here, because they are widely grown in Mexico, and can be used in a lot of traditional Mexican cuisine. But...really? Just Yellow holding a bunch of peppers in a sombrero? Where's the Mexican flag? The package is green, sure, I get it, but...this is it? The art is very disappointing is what I'm saying. I don't even get the color scheme they went with: red and green for the peppers, sure. But...why yellow? Because it is the 'famous' peanut M&M? White would have been MUCH better to really hammer home the International theme as those would be the colors of the Mexican flag. This just screams of laziness. Oh well, maybe it'll taste good. 

This is just sad.

Well, it looks like M&Ms. So that's cool, I guess. Why the hell are we using Peanut M&Ms for this? The flavor is just like it was with the Chili Nut M&Ms: Peanut M&M, then hot. I thought I maybe got the barest hint of jalepeno-esque flavor at one point, but I think I can chalk that up to wishful thinking. There's nothing Jalepeno about this, it's just the same old crap repackaged in slapdash "international" packaging. I don't really see the appeal of mass produced chocolate and "burning", but I guess I don't understand marketing.

On the FACE Rating System, these get 1 Frowny Face. I don't get why these needed to exist, but I gather they needed something for their dumb ass promotion and slapped this together in about 3 days. Don't buy these, don't bother with these. If you really need spicy chocolate and nuts, sprinkle some cayanne pepper on a Mr. Goodbar and save yourself some trouble. They ain't paying me enough for this job.