Kotas Reviews Zone Perfect Pumpkin Spice Bars

They say that breakfast is the most important part of the day. My question is "who are they, and why do they promote breakfast with such single minded efficiency?" But we're not here to talk about that. Nope, the yearly Pumpkin Spice blight is upon us and all that entails. We've touched upon it many times on this blog, and today will shall do so again. Ladies and gentlemen, let's take a good old fashioned gander at Zone Perfect Pumpkin Spice Bars.

Now with flavor!

Zone Perfect has been a staple in my pantry for a number of years. They tend to be relatively inexpensive (for a meal replacement bar), go on sale regularly, and have a handful of decent to good flavors (though nothing particularly outstanding). So of course they had to come out with a Pumpkin Spice flavor, because if you have a lot of flavors, almost no one can resist the urge to give this one a go. The box art is okay. I like the little leaf designs, but the picture of the actual product below is highly uninspiring. Also, it cleaves to the tradition of "pumpkin spice" being represented by cinnamon and brown sugar on box art. Whatever, let's rip it open.

Looks like someone got really excited by the prospect of pumpkin spice.

Well, it looks pretty unappetizing, mostly resembling a granola bar that an overenthusiastic child glopped over with icing. It's not very attractive to the eye, is what I'm saying. Still, most people don't give three turkeys about the look, but want to know more about the flavor. Good thing I'm here to sum up: It's alright. It's not awful, but it doesn't really taste like pumpkin anything. It mostly tastes like a granola bar covered in stale icing. Why stale? It has this weird waxy...essence that makes it taste not good at all. It's tolerable, and I will finish the box, but I would never eat these again.

On the FACE Rating System, this gets a single Frowny Face. It's not good, but it isn't poison or pointless. It's just not well done. If you take all your flavor queues from competitors with shitty flavorings, your flavorings will taste bad too. Give these a hard pass. I don't care how into pumpkin spice you are. I think I can safely say at this point that Starbucks got it right, and everyone else has utterly failed to recapture that magic. Let's maybe move on to other things, okay?

Kotas Reviews Lindt Lindor Pumpkin Spice Milk Chocolate Truffles

Well friends, we are coming to the close of another Pumpkin Spice season. It still reigns supreme in the Fall Flavors Smackdown despite some serious competitors. But that doesn't mean this old dog of a taste can learn some new tricks. And some "almost fancy" ones at that. Ladies and gentlemen, let's take a gander at Lindt Lindor Pumpkin Spice Milk Chocolate Truffles.

Is it Lindt or Lindor? Does anyone know? Oh wait, that's the PRODUCT...

Lindt is a Swiss Chocolate maker and they mostly sell individually wrapped truffles. They come in a wide variety of flavors and are no stranger to Limited Edition ones depending on the season. I tend to think they are good, but not great. Other chocolate makers make better truffles, but most of the better ones don't come in easy to share pre-wrapped versions, so you know, these are a staple of my holiday gifting and consumption. I guess they decided it was time to break into that lucrative "Fall Candy" market by coming out with these Pumpkin Spice editions.

The packaging is pretty distinctive. Each flavor in the Lindor line gets a specific color, so it's not a surprise that Orange would be for the pumpkin spice version. I also really like the leaf motif that accents the bag. This is also one of the few "fancy candies" to have a clear bit so you can see a visible measure of your shame. Moving on!

A vicious murder, observed by a bystander.

Yep, it's a chocolate truffle all right. Lindt chocolate has always had a very waxy feel to it and these somehow feel even waxier to the touch. The scent has some hints of pumpkin and nutmeg, but otherwise is just milk chocolate. Slicing it open reveals chocolate truffle filling that is surprisingly NOT orange, but definitely smells like it's been flavored. The taste is pretty good, a little waxy, but very smooth chocolate with some notes of pumpkin and "spice". Mostly, I taste chocolate but you can definitely tell that it has a flavor and that they tried. Nice work, really.

On the FACE Rating System, this gets a single Smiley Face. While they may not be my favorite chocolate, Lindt Lindor Truffles are nigh ubiquitous and this flavor does justice to the concept of Pumpkin Spice. It's not cloying or overwhelming, but it makes itself known on the tongue. If you like Lindt truffles, give these a try and you will probably like them. If you hate pumpkin spice and all things flavored with it, these will not change your opinion.

Kotas Reviews Pumpkin Spice Frosted Mini-Wheats

I have a bit of an obsession with breakfast cereal. I'm not exactly sure when it started, but ever since I've been able to mostly choose my own meals unfettered by society's expectations (read: college), I rejoined the breakfast cereal community with a gusto. While my first love will always be the sugary desserts as breakfast cereals of my tender youth, I occasionally foray into adult-oriented cereals that try and be "hip and cool" to appeal to a younger generation. Today's subject is one such cereal, with a seasonal twist. Let's explore the world of Pumpkin Spice Frosted Mini-Wheats.

Super classy. You can tell by the lack of cartoon anthropomorphic cereal.

Shredded Wheat is not a cereal that kids will clamor for, really. In it's purest form (I believe only sold by Post these days) it generally resembles a hay bale, neatly crimped, that sits in your bowl. It is of a fairly large size, with 2 bales filling the average bowl. While the novelty of "giant cereal pieces" is intriguing at first, it quickly fades given the flavor of the cereal, which is decidedly "meh". Corn Flakes have more flavor, is what I'm saying. Kellogg's, after some interesting patent litigation, came out with a more kid-friendly variety, the Frosted Mini-Wheat, which touts much smaller cereal pieces, frosting, which is always a good sign, and some vague notion of being "more healthy" than the usual honey blasted sugar bombs that most kids oriented cereal consists of. Take a look!

Shhhh...it can sense fear.

Well, it is certainly cereal. I've always been a fan of Frosted Mini-Wheats as a concept, though I tend to get sick of them faster than other, more comforting cereals. How does this particular variety stack up? Well, it certainly has something "spice-ish" and "vaguely pumpkin-ish" about its scent. The frosting also has orange highlights, which is a nice touch for the presentation, but really, this stuff is always going to look like tiny hay bales to me. The taste is "wheat and frosting, but with added....something". It is a really vague flavor that kind of hints at maybe having been exposed to pumpkin like elements at some point in the manufacturing process, along with something that maybe is a spice accidentally added to the batch. The cereal pieces are uncommonly dry without milk, so much so that I do not really recommend eating this dry, but with milk they taste pretty good, but it's not really pumpkin spice so much as "not standard frosting". It is a mystery wrapped in wheat fibers coated with known unknowns. 

On the FACE Rating System, I give this 0 faces. It's not bad, and the flavor is pretty decent, but it is so confusing trying to figure out exactly what that flavor is beyond "sweet mystery". If you like Frosted Mini-Wheats, you might give it a try, but as a first Mini-Wheat endeavor I simply cannot recommend it. Without a frame of reference, one may just end up even more confused than I was.

Kotas Reviews Pumpkin Spice Creme Oreos

Fall is soundly upon us. Seriously, it hit us like a ton of damp leaves off of an oak. Or maybe I'm just projecting my experience to the universal. Anyway, pumpkin spice abounds in the world, with special signs pointing out the variety of gourd based concoctions bubbling forth from the cauldrons of the nation's food purveyors. Lucky for me, I rather like that particular flavor...most of the time. Let's see how Nabisco takes it on as we dive into Pumpkin Spice Creme Oreos!

Well, it had to happen sometime, didn't it?

Oreo flavors are now a staple of this blog, and who am I to shy away from a product that is clearly little more than a trend-following cash grab of a cookie, especially if it is an Oreo? Kotas, that's who. The package art is pretty simple. Pumpkin, check. Spice (in this case represented by cinnamon), check. Oreo (golden), check. Wickedly orange creme filling...check! This is pretty much what I expected to see from a Pumpkin Spice Oreo, and it works, though I do not particularly care for the idea that "spice" is wholly represented by cinnamon. What about nutmeg and clove, eh? Let's crack open these cookies and see what's what.

Uh...well, it's kind of orange.

 The smell is pretty fake smelling pumpkin with a hint of cinnamon and some other fall spice. The color though...I was expecting a brighter orange than "burnt umber" really. It's more of an orange-brown and is not particularly appetizing. Passes the twist off test with flying colors though, even if that color is "Jersey Boardwalk Spray Tan". 

The taste is much, MUCH better than I was expecting. In fact, it is about exactly what I would expect if I were eating a pumpkin pie flavored cookie. Sure, it's somewhat artificial, but that's to be expected when essence of pumpkin pie has to be crammed between two vanilla flavored wafers as a creme. Even without the cookie, the creme tastes pretty good, if a bit strong when not mellowed by the wafer's flavor and texture. Most surprising is that it's still good even with milk, the creaminess of the milk adding whipped cream like notes to the pumpkin pie flavorings. I'm sort of shocked at how good these are, really.

On the FACE Rating System, these get a solid 1 smiley face. I would not seek them out as a staple, but they certainly fill the role of "man, I want some pumpkin pie, but I'm not willing to cook one." and as an occasional holiday treat. If you are an Oreo fan or a not too discerning pumpkin pie fan, give them a whirl.