Kotas Reviews Fruity Yummy Mummy

Welcome to Day 5 of Monster Cereals Week! Today we unwrap the mystery of the final Monster Cereal, the mysterious and yet still incredibly silly Fruity Yummy Mummy! Fruity Yummy Mummy is the latecomer to the Monster Cereal party, debuting in 1988 and being discontinued in 1993. It was General Mills' second attempted at a generic "fruit flavored" cereal and replaced Frute Brute in the line up, if only briefly. Again, this is one I missed out on as a kid, usually because my cereal tastes by that point were growing up, as was I. It was originally a fruit-flavored cereal with vanilla marshmallows, but the current incarnation is the surprising choice of orange creme flavored. Will it curse us for disturbing its rest? Let's find out!

What's wrong with your faaaaaaaace?

Clearly, Ancient Fruity Egypt did not have much of a dental plan. Look at that thing! I've never seen a mono-tooth before. And check out the shoddy workmanship on the wrappings of the forehead! Coming loose like that is unacceptable! Anyway, the mascot isn't terrible. It's a cartoon mummy with multicolored wrappings and pretty much is what I imagined when I heard the phrase "Fruity Yummy Mummy". He's also the only Cereal Monster able to function at full capacity in sunlight, which explains why it is dawn on his box. Artificial Orange Cream Flavor is not what I would have chosen for my cereal, but I don't have a Fungineering degree. 

50 (well, 5) Shades of Reddish Colors!

The cereal pieces are a lot brighter than I was expecting after the Boo Berry debacle. They are red and orange, rather than the red and yellow of Frute Brute. The marbits are a bit boring in shape, with all of them either the generic "monster head" or just formless blobs, but the colors of orange and yellow are a welcome sight. The marbit density appears to be much higher than in any of the other fruit flavored Monster Cereals. Maybe this was just the lucky box! The cereal definitely smells of artificial orange cream, but the scent is not as strong as on Frute Brute. 

It's like a marker factory exploded into food

This was certainly an orange cream flavored cereal. It actually tastes like that, even if it is the fakey flavor you get from, well, every orange cream flavored thing ever. It is not a super strong flavor, but it is distinct and the marbits give a shock of flavor similar to Boo Berry. The difference is that it actually works in the cereal's favor. The Dry Run isn't bad, about on par with Frankenberry, but the Gold Standard? Wow, that orange cream flavor is very noticeable but not overwhelmingly so. The high marbit density means that each bite tastes pretty darn good, rather than a wasteland of awful punctuated by berry-ish "not badness". The cereal does degrade faster in milk than Count Chocula or Frankenberry, but gosh darn it, I still like it. The Aftermath is still a bit disappointing, though the milk was at least orange cream scented this time. I think I actually like this!

On the FACE Rating Scale I'd give this 2 smiley faces. It actually accomplishes what it set out to do in making an orange cream flavored cereal. Now, if you don't like orange cream (and I get that not everyone does) this is totally not the cereal for you, but if you do like it, give it a whirl. 

Thus concludes the glory of Monster Cereals Week! Hopefully I'll be able to do more Theme Weeks in the future, as I had a lot of fun with this, despite the boxes of leftover cereal. I have to say, Count Chocula still stands above the rest as my favorite of the five, but Fruity Yummy Mummy comes in as my next favorite. Frankenberry is probably better for people crazy about strawberry flavoring. The worst of them is probably Boo Berry, simply because it was all around awful, which I think is due to the current formulation. Frute Brute was just a shocking failure in the flavor department, even though it looked and smelled so good, which summoned the Twin Dragons of Disappointment: Excitement and Expectation. See ya'll next time!

Kotas Reviews Boo Berry

Welcome to Day 4 of Monster Cereals Week! Today we explore the world of the only incorporeal cereal mascot around, the groundbreaking Boo Berry! Boo Berry was released shortly after Count Chocula and Frankenberry made their debut, and was the third Monster Cereal. It was also the world's first blueberry flavored cereal, and I think it may be the only blueberry flavored cereal that's still around...if it's still flavored like blueberries. I remember this being fairly decent...if you like blueberries of course...when I was a kid. Let's take a peek into this spooky world of revisionism!

His eyebrows will haunt you forever

This mascot is definitely the hipster of the bunch, I mean, look at that HAT! And who wears a tie anymore? Does he have to go to the ghost formal? Is there a ghost office job where he files ghost paperwork and downs three ghost martini lunches? OH MAN. HE'S THE GHOST OF DON DRAPER! THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH! Still, he's got a certain style about him, definitely the most fashionable of the Cereal Monsters. Like Frute Brute, this is "Artificial Berry Flavor Frosted Cereal"...which means it probably tastes nothing like blueberries, because "berry" is a very generic term. I mean, it's not something completely made up like "Sharkleberry" or "Purplesaurus Rex", but it never actually tastes like anything nature produced.

I've got...only a tiny amount of the bluuuuuuues...

The cereal pieces are a deep, dark purple-ish color that is pretty much Not The Blue I was Expecting, and the marbits are the same colors as in Frankenberry. Same shapes too. Way to be a copycat, Boo Berry. Couldn't even use a proper shade of blue, had to go with "ugly purple" eh? Well, I guess we all have to make compromises in these tough times. The smell is definitely artificial berry-ish, though it is not very strongly scented, which is surprising. How does it taste?

It's not really all that appealing looking as something to eat

Well, it tastes stronger than Frute Brute, I'll give it that, though it is not exactly a high bar to leap over. The Dry Run was okay, I guess. It doesn't really taste like blueberries, but it does have a berry-ish flavor for the cereal pieces and the marbits. Where the surprises came in with this one was during the Gold Standard. I don't know what the deal is, but milk changes the flavor profile a LOT. It dampens the flavor of the cereal bits (though not to nothing), but it makes the marbits' taste much more acute. The effect is to give a mild berry flavor punctuated by little bursts of stronger flavor. I suppose the effect is kind of like eating blueberries in other, better cereals. That may be too much thought into it. The odd thing is...after some time in milk, where the other cereals (even FRUTE BRUTE to the degree that it has flavor) had their pieces stay crunchy and somewhat flavored, this stuff? Not so much. The pieces become soggy and lose a LOT of their flavor. I thought this might make the Aftermath better, and while it does have a hint of berry scent, the milk is pretty much flavorless. Odd.

Overall, on the FACE Rating System, I give Boo Berry 1 frownie. I've never had a particular desire to seek out a blueberry (or just "berry") flavored cereal, but if I did, this would not satisfy. It does have more flavor (at least until it sits in milk for a while) than Frute Brute, but the lack of visual appeal and oh so sad milk sturdiness leave it behind the other, better executed cereals. I'm gonna say it: I think it was better when I was a kid.

Kotas Reviews Frute Brute

Welcome to Day 3 of Monster Cereals Week! Today we examine a beast that hasn't been seen in over three decades, the mysterious Frute Brute! Some fun facts about Frute Brute. First, it was originally called Fruit Brute when it was first released, and purported to be "fruit flavored cereal with key lime marshmallows". The current incarnation changes the spelling, presumably to conform to whatever regulations there are about naming something "Fruit" when that something contains little to no actual fruit. It also changes the flavorings. This is a "cherry flavored cereal with spooky-fun marshmallows". How does it stack up? Well, let's take a look!

Is it just me, or does he sport an Elvis style this go around?

The mascot himself is...uh...kind of uninspired. He's pretty much any old generic cartoon werewolf with some green overalls on. I liked the original incarnation with the jaunty hat much better. Still, he's on theme and the art work IS well done. Huh, I just noticed that the same damn castle is on each of the boxes. I guess that is where they all live? Why would a werewolf live in a castle? Oh, and this is "Artificial Cherry Flavor Frosted Cereal". That does not inspire confidence. I don't know much about how this tasted when I was a kid, because they stopped making it before I had any say in what I ate for breakfast. I'm told that Knoxville favorite son Quentin Tarantino is a HUGE fan of it though.

No monochromatic color schemes in sight!

It's nice to finally see some risks being taken with this cereal. We have double the number of colors for the cereal pieces and marbits in purple, pink, and orange! The red ghost pieces are a "more different red" than the Frankenberry ones, and the yellow ones are a nice contrast. Not pictured is the rare "orange" piece that I found after these pictures were taken, clearly the result of dye cross contamination. The marbits were all in the "monster head" shape (or maybe just blob shaped) so that was a bit of a step back. This stuff has a very, VERY strong smell of artificial cherry flavoring, what in my youth I would call "red flavor". Let's see how it tastes!

Will it live up to the hype? You make the call!

Spoilers!

NO.

Sadly, the visual and olfactory portions of the experience are the best part of this giant bowl of disappointment. I didn't expect it to blow me away, but it was simply amazing how little flavor there was, especially after the smell was so strong. The Dry Run was like eating vaguely cherry-ish flavored sugar coated packing peanuts, sprinkled with marbits that tasted like any other "generic" marbit. Not even a hint of cherry flavoring to be had in them thar marbits, let me tell you. The Gold Standard was a little better, with the milk releasing a bit more flavor. That flavor was a very generic fruit-like flavor though, and only sort of resembled the artificial cherry flavors that the smell tantalized us with. Not awful, but certainly not up to the standards of Frankenberry's distinct strawberry taste. The Aftermath left us with very good smelling, but very weak tasting cherry-esque milk. You let me down, Frute Brute. You let Tarantino down. You let all the fans out there in Internet Land down. 

On the FACE Rating System, I give this 1 frownie face. It would have been lower, but the cereal looks great and it was nice to see a bit more visual variety in this incarnation. Too bad the taste couldn't keep up with the sight and the smell. I mean, if it's called Frute Brute, I expect the flavor to hit me in the taste like, well, like a Brute. Let's hope your predecessor Boo Berry can do better!

Kotas Reviews Frankenberry

Welcome to the second day of Monster Cereals week! Yesterday we took a gander at the snazziest breakfast vampire to ever hawk cereal. Today, we look at his oft-misunderstood counterpart, Frankenberry!

Made with Whole Grains! And LIGHTNING!

As a wee lad, I never appreciated Frankenberry as much as Count Chocula. Most fruit-flavored cereals of my day focused on multiple fruits (Froot Loops, Fruity Pebbles, Fruity Marshmallow Krispies, etc.), so a "single fruit" cereal was somewhat rare. Also, I wasn't that big into "pink" for the color of my breakfast. As time passed I came to appreciate this stuff a bit more, especially the design for good old Frank. I mean, look at him! Built in goggles, a random gauge on his head, a whistle...could Frankenberry be the first Steampunk mascot?

Frankenberry was always portrayed in the commercials as the more fun loving of the Cereal Monsters, up for any old shenanigans so long as he got to deliver his cereal to kids. Huh, it sounds a lot creepier when you put it that way. Anyway, it's claim to fame cereal-wise was that it was a SHOCKING color of pink. The original pink coloration was some pretty nasty stuff, being nigh indigestible for a lot of kids and leading to some worried calls to doctors before they switched recipes. Let's look at the modern incarnation.

Yeah, not very pink is it? I left out a marbit that IS pink, but other than that? Not much pink to be hand in this strawberry cereal. The ghost pieces are more a dark red, and the marbits come in purple, white, blue, and pink. They are shaped like ghosts, bats, and "monster heads" maybe. It carries an unmistakable "totally fake strawberry" scent that you usually only smell when eating really cheap strawberry-ish candy. I will say that it is unlike any other fruit flavored cereal I've eaten.

No pink to be found in this sad lie of a bowl

Unlike Count Chocula, the cereal pieces do not have a strong strawberry flavor. It's there, but it sort of shares the spotlight with that generic corn cereal taste. The marbits on the other hand are incredibly strongly flavored of artificial strawberry. Did you ever get a Strawberry Crunch Good Humor bar? Yeah, it tastes almost exactly like the strawberry ice cream you find in those. 

The Dry Run of this cereal is decent. The flavor is not nearly as strong as with Count Chocula, though the marbits are certainly more noticeable in the mix. It retains the milk-defying properties of the Count, so the Gold Standard tastes pretty good. The milk adds a nice dairy contrast to the fake strawberry taste, and again, the Aftermath is a crushing disappointment. Where Count Chocula at least had a bit of chocolate flavor, this has almost none. Frankenberry is not one to easily give up its secrets, even to the awesome power of 2% milk!

On the FACE Rating System, this one gets 1 smiley face. I like it as a change of pace from Count Chocula, but it will never be my "go to" Monster Cereal. I do like the mascot though, and think he adds some interest to the marketing. Tomorrow we have a Howling Good Time with our recently returned buddy...FRUTE BRUTE!

Kotas Reviews Count Chocula

Hey everyone, it's the middle of October! Do you know what that means? It means the MONSTER CEREALS ARE BACK! What's that? You don't know what the Monster Cereals are? Let me tell you! So, years and years ago (1971 to be exact, thanks Wikipedia!), General Mills decided that a series of monster themed breakfast cereals might be a big hit. They were right, mostly. Very, VERY loosely based on the Classic Universal Monsters, the Cereal Monsters are (in order of appearance): Count Chocula, Frankenberry, Boo Berry, Fruit (or Frute in the modern incarnation) Brute, and Fruity Yummy Mummy. They are some of the most processed, sugary, terrible for you cereals known to human kind. And I love them So. Very. Much!

Today's review will be the first in a series as I eat my way through all five current incarnations of our lovable teeth rotting monstrosities who want nothing more than for you to enjoy their delightfully artificial cereal products. Part of a balanced breakfast...if that breakfast consists of a head of lettuce and maybe a piece of fruit.

The first victim entry is the one with the most longevity: Count Chocula. He was one of the very first Monster Cereals (along with Frankenberry) to emerge from their devilish slumber and was the last one to still be available all the year round (until 2010, when all the Cereals went seasonal). Let us examine our subject!

I vant to be in marketing!

As you can see, the current box art is pretty snazzy, even if it does go with that "way to close to the camera" perspective so popular with Hollywood these days. He's creepy and he's cooky, but not particularly terrifying. Which is probably pretty good considering you want your kids to BUY your vampire themed cereal. He also does not sparkle in sunlight, which is a plus.

When I was a kid, Count Chocula was always my favorite, as I absolutely loved chocolate flavored cereal. I also happen to be a fan of tiny marshmallows (or marbits as the cereal aficionados call them). In the olden days, the cereal pieces were round wheel shaped things, and the marbits were just little TicTac looking things. But now? BEHOLD.

LOVE ME.

The cereal pieces are spooky ghosts! And the marbits? Well, they are uh...I think that's a bat...and that might be a spooky ghost..thing. And a blob. Or maybe another ghost? Whatever, they are certainly bigger than in the old days. "Spooky-fun Marshmallows" indeed. This stuff smells like Lucky the Leprechaun and Sonny the Cuckoo Bird crammed their respective cereals together and THIS is the result.

Part of this balanced...uh...you know what? Screw it.

It's pretty attractive in the bowl, with good visual appeal. The old stuff was sort of generic looking breakfast cereal, but with the current shapes it actually feels like a MONSTER cereal, or at least a Halloween themed one. The cereal pieces taste a lot like Cocoa Puffs, but coated in this sugary substance that adds a bit of extra sweetness (and durability in milk). The marbits taste vaguely chocolatey, but otherwise like any other marbit from a cereal.

There are three stages to sugary kids cereal tasting: The Dry Run, where you eat the cereal without milk, The Gold Standard, which is cereal and milk together, and the Aftermath, which is how the leftover milk tastes when you are done. The Dry Run of Count Chocula is pretty tasty, and I would (and do) totally eat this stuff as a snack or dessert sans dairy.

Unlike a lot of kids cereals (The Pebbles line is particularly notorious), it does not completely disintegrate in milk, so the first bite is only a bit drier than the final bite during the Gold Standard experience. The Aftermath however, is a mild disappointment. You see, I'm used to cereals like Cocoa Puffs and Cocoa Rice Krispies, which turn your milk into a yummy after breakfast treat. This? Well, the milk DID pick up some cocoa flavor, but it was really weak and kind of sad. I suspect the sugary stuff that coats the pieces prevents flavor leeching, so I suppose it is an okay trade off.

Overall, I give this 2 Smileys on the FACE Rating System. It is probably one of my top cereal brands of all time, though it isn't good enough to rate number one. The Count himself is one of the most personable mascots ever, in that fun-loving spooky (but not really scary) kind of way. Tomorrow, we examine his direct counterpart, Frankenberry!