Kotas Reviews the Cadbury Creme Egg Cookie

Spring is in the air, flowers are blooming, rain shows up to ruin things, and yes, for some reason rabbits are delivering eggs that are either brightly colored, made of candy, or both, for reasons that vaguely relate to religious holidays. Still, that's not gonna stop confectioners from cramming different treats into a single, gloriously terrifying object of consumption. Also, cookies! Ladies and Gentlemen, let's take a gander at the Cadbury Creme Egg Cookie!

There's a joke about white cookies here...nah, just gonna leave that one alone.

Cadbury Creme Eggs. I've spoken about them before ages ago, when I pointed out their off season Screme Egg product, but I've never really talked about how much I adore these little chocolate morsels full of diabetes. I'm not sure why I love them so much. Usually I don't go for super sickly sweet treats, but these Creme Eggs are a different story. First manufactured in 1963, they remained a staple product of Cadbury until 2015, when the recipe changed to no longer use Cadbury Dairy Milk as the shell, replacing it with a cheaper, less tasty chocolate. I still like them though. Still, I've not seen them in cookie form before. The packaging is consistent with Cadbury's current branding, and includes a picture of the cookie itself in both whole and "open" forms. There is also some sort of contest. Uh, neat, I guess. Let's crack it open!

Fell apart it did. Just like a real Creme Egg!

Not sure what I was expecting really, but it is exactly as pictured on the package, which is rarer than you might think when it comes to candy and cookies. The creme itself is a little odd, but it's a softer, believe it or not sweeter version of the fondant found inside a normal Creme Egg. The chocolate...well, it ain't great, but the proof of a cookie is how well the cookie part stands alone and with the rest of the confection. 

Well friends, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this is the absolute WORST FUCKING COOKIE I've ever had the displeasure of putting between my jaws. It tastes like someone laced a biscuit with cough syrup flavored with the tears of children who were served this disaster of a "snack". The rest of it really tries to actually taste decent, but this cookie, like a wronged and enraged Kibler Elf, snatches any hope of such an outcome away and laughs at your pain. It is just awful and makes me wish irritating harm upon those who begat it upon this good Earth. My daughter is not known for her refined palette having joined me in eating worms a while back, and she took two bites and never touched them again, despite being left within easy reach. When a 3 year old won't touch a cookie, you know it is a heaping pile of failure.

On the FACE Rating System, these get 3 Frowny Faces. How do you FUCK UP a chocolate cookie for goodness sake, while besmirching the good name of Cadbury by taking its signature treat by shitting out a nigh poisonous cookie? Whoever it is, they should be fired immediately for gross incompetency, and made to wear a sign that says "I hate children and unicorns" for a year and a day. Stay the hell away from these, and let us never speak of this abomination again.