Kotas Reviews Bang Cotton Candy Energy Drink

When I was a younger man, I used to partake of energy drinks on a semi-regular basis. It was never a daily thing, but I would indulge in a Red Bull to get through a long night, and eventually settled on Rockstar as my preferred brand of self punishment. I can understand that some people enjoy the flavor, but none of them have resonated with me as being "good". Still, manufacturers keep trying to do this for a variety of reasons. HOWEVER, when you get asked specifically to review a product by a friend? Oh, this is gonna be a heck of a ride. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's take a look at Bang Cotton Candy.

More like "Wang" amirite? No? Just me then? Crap.

Honestly, I had never heard of the Bang brand of "brain and body fuel" until last month, when someone said I had to try the Cotton Candy flavored version. They even brought me a can! Well, how can one say no to that sort of prodding? Anyway, I have never found energy drinks to taste "good", but I can appreciate the unique and charming flavor that many seem to have. It's also weird that Bang has a recognizable flavor name, unlike "Zero Silver Ice", "Juiced" and "Recovery Grape". The can is a nice black and pink, with the brand and flavor name front and center. It also has Super Creatine written on it. I'm sure that's fine. Let's open it up.

Kind of anticlimactic really

So, this stuff smells a LOT like cotton candy flavoring, but it has the super chemical overtone of sucralose, which makes sense since this is sweetened with it. The fact that it is clear very much disturbs me, since I figured it would be at least a little pink. This kinda blows my mind, but I've not let common sense dictate my drinking since...a while. Down the fuckin' hatch. Dear lord, this is sickeningly sweet. The cotton candy flavor is definitely front and center, but it also tastes like what I imagine the mop water of a chemical factory tastes like: weird and off putting. There's a bitterness and a "chemical" essence that melds with the cotton candy. If you could spin artificial sweetener into cotton candy, this is exactly how I imagine it would taste. 

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 1 Frowny Face. It's not poison, and it does resemble what it claims to resemble, but whatever else they put in here (I'm looking at YOU Super Creatine) had to have come from an Erlenmeyer flask to make it this Not Good. Even if you like energy drinks as a flavor, the sickeningly sweet cotton candy + Du Pont notes may put you off. Try it if you must, but don't say I didn't warn you.