Kotas Reviews Twinkies Ice Cream Cones

Ah, the glory and menace of Summer is finally starting to beat down upon us! June is traditionally the start of the "summer season", even if it isn't the official calendar start, and that's okay. I'm more into the pop culture of summer than being a super stickler about dates and whatnot. After all, we live in a time of "Christmas in July" as being a thing, so the rules are clearly very flexible. Anyway, I'm not here to talk about that, but instead a sweet treat to beat the heat. Ladies, Gentlemen, and I dunno, Lizardfolk, let's take a gander at the Twinkies Ice Cream Cone.

When life gives you lemons, throw them away and eat ice cream!

I can hear the complaints now. "Didn't you already review this?" In response, I say, "No. Because Ice Cream Treats are distinctly different from plain ice cream". And I would be correct. So, here we are. Premade Ice Cream Cones, such as the venerable Drumstick, have been around since, well, 1928, and have been a staple of the freezer aisle for a long time. The only other version of this I have seen is the Nutty Buddy, currently produced by Purity Dairy, and the Twinkies Ice Cream Cone is a very close match to both the packaging and overall shape. Fun fact: Nutty Buddy Ice Cream Cones share a name with a Little Debbie snack cake and a brand of athletic cup! The more you know!

Protect me, cone!

Yeah, this thing pretty much looks like a Twinkie themed Nutty Buddy. The packaging is spot on with the Twinkie theme though, and that is always something I can appreciate. Opening this took me back to my grade school days when having enough pocket money to purchase a Nutty Buddy from the school cafeteria made those last few days of school extra less terrible. Well, let's rip it open!

That's a lot more yellow than I was expecting, really.

You know, this thing looks kind of odd. The ice cream (and its attendant soft cake...uh, sprinkles? Bits? Cake bits.) is almost perfectly shaped and formed into that "just squeezed from a decorating bag" swoosh. The chemical smell is fairly obvious, way more so than in the pint of Twinkies ice cream. The flavor...well, the flavor is certainly there. The very yellow parts are very sweet, with some of the birthday cake ice cream flavoring as the pint version, but they have an extra...gummy quality that isn't bad, but has a very Not Ice Cream mouth feel. The chemical notes are very pronounced, and the cake bits are larger and way more obvious than in the pint. It's not a bad flavor, but it is a strange one that makes you ask the question "did I accidentally eat some sort of decorative fondant instead of ice cream?" Once you get through that, though, it appears the stuff below it is just Twinkies Ice Cream, which means it is quite good. The cone itself is on par with a Drumstick cone, right down to the tip of the cone being filled with chocolate. All around, pretty tasty. 

On the FACE Rating System, these cones get 1 Smiley Face. As a Frozen Confection, they hold up pretty well, tasting pleasant if a little too artificial and gummy in places. The price of this particular treat keeps it to a "sometimes" food, and I would definitely recommend the straight ice cream over this version any day of the week. Still, I recommend going out and trying them if you like ice cream cones but hate actually putting them together. Welcome to Summer folks, it's gonna be a bumpy ride!

Kotas Reviews Twinkies Ice Cream

Well, it's catch up time around the ol' blog. I've had several people now send me things to try or bring them to me at various social outings solely for the purpose of reviews. In this second part, I have been lax, so I'll be taking an opportunity to catch up on those. Anyway, it's summer time! Summer always makes me think of the ice cream shop my dad would take me to to get a malt occasionally when I was a wee lad. They had weird flavors (like bubblegum or gummy bear) and something always seemed a little wacky about the whole operation. Still, I believe even they would tilt their heads sideways at what I'm about to show you next. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's dive into Twinkies The Ice Cream

You did it! YOU FINALLY DID IT! DAMN YOU ALL! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!
Photo from: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/food/article-4190076/Hostess-launches-Twinkies-Ding-Dongs-ice-cream.html

Before we get into this, let me throw a very well deserved thank you to [REDACTED]. They provided me with this at about 1am on a Saturday Night when I was feeling a little tired and it was a welcome surprise on a hot summer night. Kudos, mysterious benefactor! Now, on with the show. 

So, it is no secret that I love Twinkies. I don't know what it is about these things that makes them taste wonderfully artificial, but man, I can't get enough of it. I should get enough of it, considering my waistline, but that's neither here nor there. I will admit that I never in my wildest flights of fancy thought "You know what these would be good in? An ice cream flavor!" Still, this is the world we live in now. I must say, they got the packaging exactly right. Twinkies themed all the way, with a picture of the ice cream itself. Solid presentation, let's tear into it.

The ice cream itself looks just like it does on the package: lightish yellow with chunks of a cake-like substance. But I know what you are asking. How does it taste? Well, have you ever had birthday cake ice cream? It's sort of like birthday cake, but it has these incredible spikes of sugar that represent the "sprinkles" or whatever, that sort of detract from the somewhat cakelike flavor? Yeah, this is a much better version of that. The cake flavor is strong, but not overwhelming, the "sprinkles" have been dispensed with, and the cake-y bits add just a little bit of texture to break up the general creaminess. In short, this is the birthday cake ice cream we've all been waiting for. I will say this: it tastes NOTHING like a Twinkie. Not even a little. But holy jeez is it freakin' tasty. I tore my way through a pint of this stuff like a starving mutant lizard beast through a foolish explorer. It was super tasty, and I immediately wanted more once it was gone, and then went out and did a little dance of joy. I am super serious about that.

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 3 Smiley Faces. This is the best rendition of birthday cake ice cream I've had to date. If you like birthday cake ice cream, shovel some Twinkies Ice Cream in your face right now! If you are looking for "Twinkie as a frozen dessert experience" though, you will come away disappointed 'cause this is barely Twinkie-esque. Still, stock up now. This is a limited edition!

Kotas Reviews Mayfield Peppermint Stick Ice Cream

Ah, the holidays have passed, our gift collections have swollen, and it's time to try some new (or not so new) things before the New Year is upon us. Christmas may be over, but there's still a plethora of holiday themed things to sink our teeth into, so let's look at today's subject: Peppermint Stick Ice Cream!

Skiing. Nothing more than...skiing.

Mayfield tends to put out simple ice creams that are a flavor done very well, or complicated jumbles that throw everything but the kitchen sink in and yet still somehow stay coherent in flavor. Today's subject tries to be both of these things together, just in time for the season. I rather like the packaging, though it departs from the traditional Mayfield yellow, because how often are you going to see an image of a cow skiing with peppermint candy canes? Not very often in my experience. Let's rip the top off and see what we can see.

The phrase you are looking for is "underwhelming".

Okay, so it isn't very exciting to look at. Just white ice cream with flecks of green and red peppermint candy in it. It's somewhat festive, but I was hoping for a bolder statement. Still, something visually pedestrian can conceal a powerhouse of flavor. Unfortunately for this ice cream, that is not the case. When I have had peppermint ice cream in the past, it tends to be a pink ice cream with a very strong peppermint flavor. Sometimes that flavor would be too strong, but here? There isn't much flavor AT ALL outside of the peppermint candy bits. This might be okay if the candy was fairly evenly distributed, but it is not. The chunks tend to be pretty large and while the color of them is common, the actual bits themselves are pretty clustered together, with a whole lot of nothing in between. That ice cream is best described as sweet, cold, and flavorless. It's not even "vanilla with a hint of peppermint", it's just "nothing with the occasional peppermint bit". The candy bits aren't even very good candy bits, as a final insult.

On the FACE Rating System, this ice cream gets 2 frownys. I expect a lot from a Mayfield ice cream, and usually even flavors I don't like are at least well crafted. This? This is a lazy seasonal effort that attempts to be "different" from the normal peppermint ice cream, and falls completely flat. If you simply MUST have Mayfield peppermint ice cream, I guess you only have this as a choice, but for everyone else, avoid.

Kotas Reviews Mayfield Eggnog Flavored Custard Ice Cream

Welcome to Day Two of Eggnog Week! Today we will be looking at a product from one of my local dairies: Mayfield. Mayfield Dairy is a Tennessee institution, and is definitely one of the premier regional purveyors of cow secretions in the Southeast. Since 1910 they've been foisting their delicious treats upon us, and in the dessert area they have a huge variety of ice cream flavors and novelties. Today's subject is one of their holiday offerings. Let's take a gander at Mayfield Eggnog Flavored Custard.

Custard? I thought it was ice cream? Is it both? WHAT BLACK SORCERY IS THIS?

So, I wondered why the packaging said "custard" on it, but also "ice cream". Turns out, there is probably a reason for it. You see, frozen custard, by law, must contain a bit under 2% egg yolk solids, while ice cream has no such requirement. I'm going to guess that this should probably be "eggnog custard flavored ice cream", rather than the mess on the label, but whatever. The carton looks pretty festive, what with the reindeer dressed in a holiday button up shirt, and the lights and all. Seriously though, how does he button it with those hooves? In fact, how the heck does he hold the cup of eggnog? You know, it's just ice cream, I should stop worrying about these things. It IS a limited edition, after all, and the nightmare world of reindeer with magical "able to hold things" hooves will only haunt me briefly. Yes, yes...only briefly. Anyway, how does it look in the bowl?

That is most definitely a bowl of ice cream.

Looks pretty good to me! No real surprises, though it lacks the small flecks of brown that most store-bought eggnog has. The faint odor is pure artificial eggnog, and that is promising. The flavor is smooth and creamy eggnog, very similar to the eggnog milkshake from yesterday, but richer somehow. Less distinct nutmeg overtones, but they are there, and that special element I can only call "nog" is present in abundance. Mayfield makes darn good ice cream and this is no exception. 

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 2 smiley faces. Definitely a holiday treat for us nog lovers, and I think it would pair well with chocolate syrup. Still, if you are not a fan of eggnog, this will not convert you, and may in fact repulse you. If you are looking for more nutmeg flavor, this will not satisfy, but you could probably sprinkle on some for the extra kick.