Kotas Reviews the Iced Gingerbread Clif Bar

There are a number of foods that benefit from having an enormous variety of flavors. Jelly Belly jelly beans, waffles topped with things, milkshakes, and bubble gum fit the bill nicely. There are other foods where just a few really good variations are all you need, like bacon, ham, and sausage (pork is just delicious and SHUT UP I'M NOT HUNGRY). Clif Bars should probably fall into the latter category, but they are trying to make themselves into the former. Let's see how they fare today.

Here we go again.

I still like the holiday packaging and it is an example of how to do it right. The imagery calls back to, but does not exactly match, the standard packaging, and the different varieties each have distinct if small differences. So, kudos on that. Onward!

Oh look. More different stripes. How original.

Well, it smells gingerbread-y, so it's a step up from the last one of these I reviewed, if only just a tad. It has the same icing stripes, but here they actually make some sense, given this is Iced Gingerbread we're attempting to mimic. The scent also has a nice gingery element, though it is more in the range of a ginger snap than ginger bread. The taste? Much the same, really. This very much reminds me of iced gingersnaps rather than ginger bread. Spicy ginger with a crunch and a crispness. Gingerbread (good gingerbread anyway) should have a softer texture and flavor, and the other spices should be more subtle. This is more in your face, but not in an unpleasant way.

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 1 smiley face. Definitely closer to the mark than other seasonal Clif Bars, but not quite there. If you like gingersnaps or ginger flavored things in general, give this one a try. I'd eat it again, certainly, and might pick up one or two during the season, but it is not a go to flavor. They definitely tried a lot harder on this one, and it shows.

Kotas Reviews the Pecan Pie Clif Bar

Some seasonal foods for the upcoming Holiday Clusterfuck are eagerly anticipated by many, such as eggnog. Some seasonal foods are hated and reviled, such as fruitcake. Then there is another category of seasonal foods, which seem to entirely miss the point. Ladies and gentlemen, today we take a look at one of these. 

Well well well, lookee what we got here.

I've talked about my enjoyment of Clif Bars before, so I won't repeat that here, but I must say I'm pleased to see additional offerings in their distinct yet recognizable holiday packaging. It's about as inoffensive as it gets, though I'm pretty sure they ripped off the pose from a poster of Cliffhanger. Oh well, onward to the bar!

Stripes are STILL totally in this year!

Welp, I don't know why I was expecting something different, and yet I am still disappointed. We still have our usual "slab of mushy granola in vague bar shape, covered with icing stripes". Seriously, why icing stripes? No pecan pie I've ever had has ever had icing stripes, or icing PERIOD. A lot of your other bars lack such decoration, so why include it? Is it just more "festive" that way? 

The flavor is almost entirely unlike pecan pie. There's something pecan-ish about it, particularly when you eat a bit of pecan. It has some vague holiday-like spicing. But pecan pie? Not really. Real pecan pie doesn't usually have cinnamon in it, and has WAY more high fructose corn syrup. This is pretty good, but it surely isn't pecan pie. Maybe more like spice-covered pecans. Nothing very pie like though.

On the FACE Rating System, this one gets 0 faces. It's not bad, and I like some variety, but it surely isn't pecan pie. I'm pretty sure the foodgineers here were told to make some "holiday" flavors, slapped this together and then popped off to the pub for a three beer lunch. "Eh, fuck it. Slap seasonal on the label, I've got my kid's soccer game tonight." It is not the laziest seasonal food I've ever seen, but half-assed is definitely the vibe. The packaging is nice enough, but this is not a seasonal product I will seek out in particular during the holiday season. Give it a whirl if you like Clif Bars, but it's not a must taste.

Kotas Reviews the Spiced Pumpkin Pie Clif Bar

We are in the depths of pumpkin spice mania and just when I think it can't get any crazier, I am proven wrong. I mean, I have nothing against pumpkin spice but I'm not sure if I want my entire range of snackables and other assorted goodies to be saturated in the nutmeg and cinnamon tide. Today we question whether the world is even ready for one such product. I present to you, the Spiced Pumpkin Pie Clif Bar.

So, why is he climbing a snowy mountain? Because it is there!

Clif Bars are my go to breakfast these days. They are fortified with various nutrients, convenient to haul around, come in durable packaging, and don't mind being crushed under the weight of 40 pounds of trail gear when you get right down to it. One thing they aren't is particularly tasty. I am rather fond of them, but it is an acquired taste. I must admit I do like the packaging here, with the change to a "winter" theme. I suppose Pumpkin Pie spans both Fall and Winter, really, but it seemed a non-traditional aesthetic choice. Let's rip this bad boy open.

Stripes are totally in this year.

Well, it looks sort of like a mashed up slab of granola paste, and that is pretty much what a Clif Bar is. This one, however, has stripes of icing. Why? No idea, some of their bars do, and some do not. The scent is very heavily spiced, full of nutmeg and cinnamon and something pumpkin related, if not full on pumpkin. It smells an awful lot like potpourri, or a very sweet incense. The flavor reflects the scent accurately, though it is much less potpourri-ish and much more gingerbread-ish. Very heavily spiced, some pumpkin notes, mostly spice. It's not the worst thing I've ever eaten, but it is certainly not the best. It does kind of grow on you as you eat it though, and it's a nice change of pace if you tend to stick to your "usual" flavors like I do.

On the FACE Rating System, this gets 0 faces. I feel neither good nor bad about it, but I enjoy trying new things. The flavors are very strong, but it leans too heavily on the "Spice" portion  of the equation rather than taking a more balanced approach by including a heavier pumpkin element. Give it a whirl if you are curious, or just can't get enough pumpkin spice in your life. Pie lovers will have to look elsewhere though.