As I age ungracefully, I find myself wisting for the days of my youth. When things were simpler, food was less fancy, and bills never loomed as an ongoing concern. A time of fireflies and lemonade. A time of Saturday Morning cartoons and Ralston movie themed cereals. You know, the 80s! Anyway, nostalgia is big business as of this, oh, past decade. You see it in clothing trends, TV show revivals, and weird movie sequels. One place I did NOT expect to see it was in kitchen appliances and gadgetry, but well, here we are. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's take a look at the Nostalgia Hot Dog Toaster.
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| Helpfully labeled so you know what idiotic thing you just purchased! |
At some point in recent history, the "retro-future" look came into style. You know, sleek smooth curves with random raised stripes, fins, and all that
Zeerust crap you saw on 1950s sci-fi magazine covers. Eventually this trend trickled down to things like mixers, coffee makers, and of course, the humble toaster. So naturally this eventually landed in the world of the "single use appliance". You know these things: quesadilla makers, egg boilers, bacon cookers, and all that other crap that people get to make a single thing convenient but it ends up just wasting time and space over regular pans and utensils. My granddad used to LIVE in this space, and his garage was full of these dang things. Enter the Hot Dog Toaster.
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| THE MAW AWAITS. |
I first saw this as a link on some social media site, and I was instantly smitten. It is one of the most impractical devices ever conceived of by people, and it looks straight out of a 1950s kitchen. It cost about as much as a decent meal out, and hey, I've spent more on worse things, eh? What a glorious excess for my house! As you can see I went with the simple "two dog" model, though they make bigger ones that can cook 4 at once. It even toasts the bun! But, how does it work, really?
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| An all American horror classic, really. |
Turns out, it's mostly impractical but fun. There's a little wiener cage to hold the dogs in place, though they still kinda flop around. The bugs do go in, but ya gotta kind of, how you say, stuff them in? It's not a graceful appliance that's for sure. Still, does it actually work? The answer is "Yes, but..." As you can see above, the hot dogs do get cooked, though they tend to blacken a bit. The buns act much the same way, they get toasted, but there is always this rime of burnt carbon along the edge. To top it off, it's an absolute bitch to clean, though the removable drip tray and hot dog cage help with this.
On the FACE Rating System, I give this a qualified 0 Faces. I personally love it as an art piece, but as a practical gadget it falls way flat. There are easier ways to warm ya dogs than this thing, especially in bulk. Still, I appreciate a good art object and everything it represents is hilarious and wonderful. I will certainly use this to make hot dogs again. I just wouldn't ask anyone to clean it for me.
